Did you hear the Trump administration is thinking about making it illegal to sell pre-shredded cheese?
Apparently they want to make America grate again.
What’s it called when you sell your soul to the Devil to be skinny?
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
Do you know why Aldi’s doesn’t sell its own brand of nuts?
Because it’s would be called Aldi’s Nuts
I think I might sell my hoover
It’s just collecting dust
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount
It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it
Farmer A sells apples, Farmer B sells bananas, what does Farmer C sell?
What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?
The hardware store guy offered to sell me a 50 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
I had my cornfield all set up to sell in 2 acre units when my realtor suddenly brought me plans for acre units.
He was plotting against me!
What do you call someone who sells their body for Wendy’s ice cream?
What do you call a factory that sells good products?
A friend offered to sell me their TV for five bucks but said the volume dial was broken.
I've decided to sell my roomba,
It was just collecting dust anyway.
Did you know Apple used to sell phone protection with the phone?
Well, not anymore but that used to be the case
My friend tried to sell me his used Easter egg decorating kit...
I said, "no thanks. I'll Paas."
I went back to that shop that sells new but damaged goods...
...yeah, I went back for seconds.
It's time to sell Skyrim for the new generation of consoles
I got banned from the buy sell trade group for this but it was worth it. imgur.com/jrZ6LX8
What do you call a plate of spaghetti that sells itself?
Why couldn’t the colour blind man sell ice cream?
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.
She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.
I was trying to sell my car to this guy. He asked a bunch of questions about it and seemed interested, then asked “cargo space?” I was confused and told him no.
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.
I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.
You know what I said to the salesman today who tried to sell me a coffin?
That's the last thing I need.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
A friend of mine said we needed something groundbreaking to sell in our new shop
Why did Danny DeVito sell all of his stocks?
Turns out he's a short seller.
What do the Three Stooges sell at a carnival stand?
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. It’s in Great condition, low mileage..
Only driven from time to time!
Last night I went to my favorite restaurant. They only sell food made from Slutty Potatoes
Their best dish is the Tater-Thots.
Judi tried to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "as long as I can sell the car."
"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
I drive around and sell pies. Key Lime for $6 and Pecan pie for $8.
Those are the pie rates of the car I be in.
(I married two old jokes together, I hope that’s ok)
What’s the most effective marketing strategy to sell audio books?
What does a shady furniture salesman sell?
What do you call a T-rex that sells guns?
I’ve been trying to sell my vacuum recently
All it’s been doing is collecting dust
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner
It was just collecting dust
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...
Why can’t you sell a piano?
Because the only way to sell an organ is on the black market.
I'm thinkning about opening a hotel that also sells footwear.
I think it would be a real Shoe Inn.
Pharaoh tried to sell Amway to help offset the costs of his burial tomb.
Turns out it was a pyramid scheme.
My neighbor sells home security systems, he's pretty good at it too.
If nobody's home, he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Did I ever tell you about how I used to sell cheese over the phone?
Back when I was a Tillamooketer
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra
You can never find the barcode
There's a holographic version of Pablo Escobar touring the world he tried to sell me a G, but I declined...
I knew it would just be a hollow gram.
While people who sell meat can be gross...
People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What kind of dinosaur sells guns?
A T Rex, they're small arms dealers
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting
I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer
Times are tough... I had to sell my dishwasher
What do you call a man who sells cow pies for a living?
I tried to sell my old Peter Sellers DVDs the other day but failed to get the price I was asking
It was not a Sellers market
I started a company to sell my recipe of soy based margarine.
Its soyda butter... and soyda not!
I have a T-Rex who sells me hand guns.
He's my small arms dealer.
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day.
It was just gathering dust.
I’m trying to sell my old Theramin...
I haven’t touched it in years!
I'm opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts
It's called "Glazed and Confused"
I used to sell computer parts,
but then I lost my drive.
I’m writing a book about a guy who sells shoe parts to satan. It’s your basic “Sold my sole to the devil” novel.
Did you know electronics stores sell milk?
Mine says it's from Best By.
Why did the T-Rex only sell handguns
Because he is a small arms dealer
A vegan said to me that a person who sells meat is disgusting...
I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
Did you hear about the shop around the corner that sells Indian ice cream?
Did you sell it for more? No, I sold it for lease.
Why couldn't the girl sell her cow to the vegans?
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time
A perfume salesman was trying to sell me a bunch of odorless cologne.
I thought it was total non scents.
A guy tried to sell me a mirror but I knew it was a scam. I could see right through it.
Two Irishmen rob a grocery store of a pallet of exotic macadamia nuts to sell on the black market. They begin to argue about where to take the pallet when the passenger says "You're driving me nuts!" The driver replies..
What do you call someone who sells noodles for money?
Looking to sell my Delorean.
In excellent shape, few miles
Only driven time to time
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today...
I said "That's the last thing I need"
Whole Foods should not be allowed to sell certain items.
Carol wanted to make some cash so she tried to sell cookies, but they weren’t even cooked all the way...
What a half-baked attempt at making dough.
I sell steak in packs of 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11
I sell appliances - one day the grates for one of our cooktops went missing...
A couple months later I found them hidden somewhere, most likely by some hooligans who had nothing better to do.
Anyways, after I found them I walked up to all my coworkers holding up the grates and said:
"Guys! I have grate news!"
My dad sells life insurance
And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. “[His Name], your agent for life”
A guy tried to sell me a fake Picasso, but I didn’t buy it.
I used my artistic lie-sense.
I opened a place that sells Dad Joke inspired drinks...
...you could say they’re my SpecialTea.
A vegan once said to me, people who sell meat to eat are disgusting....
I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer
Someone tried to sell me a coffin the other day.
I told them thats the last thing I need.
So I walked past a store in my hometown that sells only balloons
...and I thought to myself "what clowns are keeping this business afloat?"
Why did the old man sell his pizza dough machine?
A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said to him people who sell vegetables are Grocer!
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Who sells the best sofas?
Because they are Sofa King good.
If you use your breasts to sell doors, are they door-knockers?
What do you call a factory that sells passable products
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
A vegan said to me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!”
I said, “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner.
It was just gathering dust.
I'm looking to sell my delorean
It's in great condition
Has Low mileage
And only driven from time to time