I decided to sell my vacuum...

It was only collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kameemo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a store that sells only bagels and donuts?

Hole Foods.

πŸ‘︎ 295
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Because of his enormous debt, Old McDonald has to sell his farm.

To cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

πŸ‘︎ 439
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Why did the poor man sell yeast?

To raise some dough.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigfootNick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
A salesperson came to my door yesterday trying to sell me a coffin.

I told him, "That's the last thing I need".

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OFMaaron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
They're gonna sell corn on the cob at the Super Bowl, and it's rumored to be cheap.

Only a...buck an ear?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a biker gang that sells bread?

Hells bagels

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imboredwithlyf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner

It was just gathering dust

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why dont grocery stores sell clothing?

Because they don't know what the woolworths.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashjmc89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
A vegan told me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!"

I told them "people who sell fruits and vegetables grocer"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrhotdog82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone told me you sell owls.

Hoo?

(From my daughter. Made me laugh)

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HBDMT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who sells knock-off handbags?

An Im-purse-onator.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_blacksphere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why won't the shrimp sell his treasures to the fishes?

Because he is shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.

Better eat it before it goes off.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a pirate do when he wants to sell all his stuff?

He has a Yarr! sale

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...

Business has been Brisk, baby!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why Kia doesn't sell cars in Finland?

Because they have Nokia

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bilablo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I have this idea for a takeaway restaurant which just sells dairy

I call it whey-to-go

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/humanbeingahuman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my Hoover today.

It was just collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arcadoodles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it...

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions

Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the Trump administration is thinking about making it illegal to sell pre-shredded cheese?

Apparently they want to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 362
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smakattak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a farm that sells chickens and pigs?

A chicken, bacon, ranch

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Inevitable_Rough
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My ex left me because I was determined to buy van and sell spaghetti out of the back, she told me it wouldn’t work

Should have seen her face when I drove pasta

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigg_UN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hoggenstein123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
So you don't believe that I sell plastic explosives?

C4 yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theboredpastor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk should sell planes

That could really take off

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ASHER999999
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Elijah Wood name his shop that sells only bells?

Lord Of The Dings

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why just the head of a statue never sells well?

Because it's just a bust.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.'

Obviously a sham rock.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of weapons would a T-rex sell?

Small arms.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sharar_rs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why Aldi’s doesn’t sell its own brand of nuts?

Because it’s would be called Aldi’s Nuts

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to know how to sell a duck to someone who is hard of hearing?

YOU WANNA BUY A DUCK?!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DasHounds
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they sell red wine reduction in stock pots?

Because doing it yourself is a paste of wine.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe4nna
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to sell skewers for a living

things were always sharp and to the point

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crypt-lord
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when you sell your soul to the Devil to be skinny?

Fausting

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-PeachesNGravy-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Farmer A sells apples, Farmer B sells bananas, what does Farmer C sell?

Medications

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Bitcoins are going out! Sell them all and buy...

Nybblecoins

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I got banned from the buy sell trade group for this but it was worth it. imgur.com/jrZ6LX8
πŸ‘︎ 416
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided to sell my vacuum...

It was nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kliuch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner...

It was only gathering dust.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner this week...

It’s just collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/audiomandan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell produce are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegan son : People who sell meat are gross

dad: people who sell fruits/vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/europiece-of-shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I might sell my hoover

It’s just collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.