Did you hear the Trump administration is thinking about making it illegal to sell pre-shredded cheese?

Apparently they want to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 362
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smakattak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when you sell your soul to the Devil to be skinny?

Fausting

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-PeachesNGravy-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why Aldi’s doesn’t sell its own brand of nuts?

Because it’s would be called Aldi’s Nuts

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I might sell my hoover

It’s just collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm opening a steel mill that also sells the steel for a discount

It's called He Who Smelt it Dealt it

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zatch17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Farmer A sells apples, Farmer B sells bananas, what does Farmer C sell?

Medications

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?

Dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hang-me-im-guilty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The hardware store guy offered to sell me a 50 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.

I hate long good buys.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I had my cornfield all set up to sell in 2 acre units when my realtor suddenly brought me plans for acre units.

He was plotting against me!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who sells their body for Wendy’s ice cream?

A frosty-tute

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skatefishjam69420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a factory that sells good products?

A satisfactory.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maria_von_Trapp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend offered to sell me their TV for five bucks but said the volume dial was broken.

I couldn't turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twiglet91
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to sell my roomba,

It was just collecting dust anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LittlePickleLoL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Apple used to sell phone protection with the phone?

Well, not anymore but that used to be the case

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxbicmac2004
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend tried to sell me his used Easter egg decorating kit...

I said, "no thanks. I'll Paas."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I went back to that shop that sells new but damaged goods...

...yeah, I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
It's time to sell Skyrim for the new generation of consoles
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perkele1974
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got banned from the buy sell trade group for this but it was worth it. imgur.com/jrZ6LX8
πŸ‘︎ 410
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a plate of spaghetti that sells itself?

A pasta-tute

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pantlesspatrick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the colour blind man sell ice cream?

His cones don’t work.

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.

She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was trying to sell my car to this guy. He asked a bunch of questions about it and seemed interested, then asked β€œcargo space?” I was confused and told him no.

Car go road

πŸ‘︎ 291
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tblaine4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.

I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what I said to the salesman today who tried to sell me a coffin?

That's the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 739
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....

Enrique Doubleglazius.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine said we needed something groundbreaking to sell in our new shop

We now own a shovel shop

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeisalone
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Danny DeVito sell all of his stocks?

Turns out he's a short seller.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the Three Stooges sell at a carnival stand?

Curly fries.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. It’s in Great condition, low mileage..

Only driven from time to time!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I went to my favorite restaurant. They only sell food made from Slutty Potatoes

Their best dish is the Tater-Thots.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Judi tried to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "as long as I can sell the car."

"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I drive around and sell pies. Key Lime for $6 and Pecan pie for $8.

Those are the pie rates of the car I be in.

(I married two old jokes together, I hope that’s ok)

πŸ‘︎ 258
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhat’s the most effective marketing strategy to sell audio books?‬

Word of mouth‬

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a shady furniture salesman sell?

Bunk beds

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DonVonTaters_IV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a T-rex that sells guns?

A small arms dealer!

πŸ‘︎ 214
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_1saac
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to sell my vacuum recently

All it’s been doing is collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/that-one-guy420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner

It was just collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...

I'm a steak-holder.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you sell a piano?

Because the only way to sell an organ is on the black market.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElephantsAreHuge
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinkning about opening a hotel that also sells footwear.

I think it would be a real Shoe Inn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DLeck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Pharaoh tried to sell Amway to help offset the costs of his burial tomb.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor sells home security systems, he's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home, he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.

Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maurost
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did I ever tell you about how I used to sell cheese over the phone?

Back when I was a Tillamooketer

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaw-Deez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra

You can never find the barcode

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a holographic version of Pablo Escobar touring the world he tried to sell me a G, but I declined...

I knew it would just be a hollow gram.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
While people who sell meat can be gross...

People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBirb_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of dinosaur sells guns?

A T Rex, they're small arms dealers

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainOverKill16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Times are tough... I had to sell my dishwasher

Boy, do I miss her

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/r00ski5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who sells cow pies for a living?

An entre-manure!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MS_PaintEnhancer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to sell my old Peter Sellers DVDs the other day but failed to get the price I was asking

It was not a Sellers market

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arrow-s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I started a company to sell my recipe of soy based margarine.

Its soyda butter... and soyda not!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a T-Rex who sells me hand guns.

He's my small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day.

It was just gathering dust.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ter9193
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m trying to sell my old Theramin...

I haven’t touched it in years!

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CastleNova13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts

It's called "Glazed and Confused"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to sell computer parts,

but then I lost my drive.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a book about a guy who sells shoe parts to satan. It’s your basic β€œSold my sole to the devil” novel.
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know electronics stores sell milk?

Mine says it's from Best By.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the T-Rex only sell handguns

Because he is a small arms dealer

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazX001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me that a person who sells meat is disgusting...

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shop around the corner that sells Indian ice cream?

It’s a New Delhi...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you sell it for more? No, I sold it for lease.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TysonPlett
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the girl sell her cow to the vegans?

They wouldn't leather

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlakthusDisko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A perfume salesman was trying to sell me a bunch of odorless cologne.

I thought it was total non scents.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy tried to sell me a mirror but I knew it was a scam. I could see right through it.
πŸ‘︎ 199
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Two Irishmen rob a grocery store of a pallet of exotic macadamia nuts to sell on the black market. They begin to argue about where to take the pallet when the passenger says "You're driving me nuts!" The driver replies..

YOUR NUTS?!?!?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/valonnyc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who sells noodles for money?

A pasta-tute

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kubricks_cube
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Looking to sell my Delorean.

In excellent shape, few miles

Only driven time to time

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mku4e
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?

Plane chocolate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nkiehl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brookscorbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
A man tried to sell me a coffin today...

I said "That's the last thing I need"

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Whole Foods should not be allowed to sell certain items.

Like a slice of pie.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firstcruiser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Carol wanted to make some cash so she tried to sell cookies, but they weren’t even cooked all the way...

What a half-baked attempt at making dough.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UrAHarryWizard7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I sell steak in packs of 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11

They're prime cuts

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I sell appliances - one day the grates for one of our cooktops went missing...

A couple months later I found them hidden somewhere, most likely by some hooligans who had nothing better to do.

Anyways, after I found them I walked up to all my coworkers holding up the grates and said:

"Guys! I have grate news!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad sells life insurance

And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. β€œ[His Name], your agent for life”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaughingHyena12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy tried to sell me a fake Picasso, but I didn’t buy it.

I used my artistic lie-sense.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I opened a place that sells Dad Joke inspired drinks...

...you could say they’re my SpecialTea.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheKat86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan once said to me, people who sell meat to eat are disgusting....

I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone tried to sell me a coffin the other day.

I told them thats the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
So I walked past a store in my hometown that sells only balloons

...and I thought to myself "what clowns are keeping this business afloat?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man sell his pizza dough machine?

He kneaded the dough.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said to him people who sell vegetables are Grocer!

#Found in fb!

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stha118
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.

See my boat listing in the paper.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Who sells the best sofas?

Sofa King

Because they are Sofa King good.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If you use your breasts to sell doors, are they door-knockers?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MunkyPants
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a factory that sells passable products

A satisfactory!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/politicalmonster1
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!”

I said, β€œPeople who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chooboto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner.

It was just gathering dust.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm looking to sell my delorean

It's in great condition Has Low mileage And only driven from time to time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masesarkidd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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