A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin.

I told him that's the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeauxJoeStuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
One administrator of Cloud City struck a New Deal with the Empire: Franklin DeLando Roosevelt
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMus3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
The deal has been sealed.
πŸ‘︎ 285
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unrealhumour
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niknaktom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.

It's just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowdoggo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What tool would deal best with a traumatic event?

A coping saw!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thingie2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
I made a documentary film about people who look for deals at thrift stores.

It's called Goodwill Hunting.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Confusing Venus with Aphrodite is no big deal.

It’s just a mythunderstanding.

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatoneevilpigeon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.

So we did it squid pro quo

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife β€œWhat’s it like having to deal with periods?”

She said β€œI just go with the flow”.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a deal earlier to stay on a canal boat but I was worried about covid situation

There's bound to be a lock down there

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ian_M87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a broken pickaxe not a big deal?

Its just a miner problem.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Americrazy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what's the big deal?

Just a big pickle!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bflowwolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I can get you a great deal on cremation services....

But you have to urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravanik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife thinks I compulsively buy tools. I tell her it's really not a big deal....

It's my vice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Man was selling a really nice JBL speaker for just $1! Said the volume was stuck at max volume permanently. But what a deal!

How could I turn that down!?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a doctor who also deals with cars ?

Cardealogist

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vertex_welder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the deal with those people who take care of chickens?

Bunch of chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the deal with people who get fired from the U.S. Mint?

None of them make cents anymore!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickissupershort
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal

I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCultofLoss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today

It’s really been a great cake day

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wakes09
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does captain hook get good deals on used prosthetics?

At the second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-umop-apisdn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. It’s going to be called Paw Petrol.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Seal the deal.
πŸ‘︎ 601
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFriman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...

To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
You would think more people would see this deal.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cgrulke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.

They taught me periscoping techniques.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HouseofKannan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter said she didnt wanna deal with lice

But i told her we had to take this problem head on

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HESMILEZ463
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The re-opening of LEGO stores in 2020 was a big deal

People were lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezemity
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.

It was cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want the best Sandwich Deal there is…

Go to Kent. You'll find both of those there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic?

A whizzard

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpy_Dog007
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I just made a deal with a roof building firm

Hopefully it doesn’t fall through

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Well, that seals the deal
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the deal with a door and a bell?

On their own they are not really cute, but together they are adorable!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soft_Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at work when i passed by the interviewer's office and saw a small bear walk out depressed, I went in and asked "Whats his deal?"

They said he wasn't Koalafied

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.

As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Bum deal...

I bought my bidet on sale!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reclaim2020dotcom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the deal with airline food? (COVID-19 Themed)

Dad: What’s the deal with airline food? Kid: I don’t know dad, what? Dad: I don’t know either I’m quarantined

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElSwGames
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Now that's a deal
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AisianToenail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.

After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear about the jazz player that made a deal with the devil?

The price was his soul

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerevar427
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin

I told him that's the last thing I need

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheViralClovers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report

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