I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal

I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCultofLoss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. It’s going to be called Paw Petrol.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
How Mona Deals With Corona

https://preview.redd.it/721nqjw9tj251.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c128b1cda876a376a50c1860abb81a208866e0c

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BunionsBill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today

It’s really been a great cake day

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wakes09
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...

To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
How to deal with Covid-19 Positively

| Covid-19 |

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lindomontoya
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
The re-opening of LEGO stores in 2020 was a big deal

People were lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezemity
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bflowwolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter said she didnt wanna deal with lice

But i told her we had to take this problem head on

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HESMILEZ463
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic?

A whizzard

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpy_Dog007
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I just made a deal with a roof building firm

Hopefully it doesn’t fall through

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Seal the deal.
πŸ‘︎ 603
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFriman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
If you want the best Sandwich Deal there is…

Go to Kent. You'll find both of those there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
I was at work when i passed by the interviewer's office and saw a small bear walk out depressed, I went in and asked "Whats his deal?"

They said he wasn't Koalafied

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.

As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What’s the deal with airline food? (COVID-19 Themed)

Dad: What’s the deal with airline food? Kid: I don’t know dad, what? Dad: I don’t know either I’m quarantined

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElSwGames
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Bum deal...

I bought my bidet on sale!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reclaim2020dotcom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.

After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
A pirate gave me a great deal on some corn the other day.

It was a buccaneer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernameisfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.

It was cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
Hear about the jazz player that made a deal with the devil?

The price was his soul

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerevar427
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
What's the deal with a door and a bell?

On their own they are not really cute, but together they are adorable!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soft_Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
You would think more people would see this deal.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cgrulke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't get what's the big deal in making a pastry?

It's a piece of cake

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadNigga
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol

He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Well, that seals the deal
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Now that's a deal
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AisianToenail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My dealer deals marijuana really cheap.

When it comes to bags, it's a dollar for twenty.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyZillion
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
Why was 2 offered a record deal but not 4?

Because 2 was better suited for PRIMEtime

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mightythorbowski
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Now that's a deal
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AisianToenail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The Green New Deal now has Dadjokes as a major pillar

We are the foremost experts in recycling!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I got a great deal on a funeral for my wife and I.

It was a his and hearse package.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Parking structures cause me a great deal of anxiety.

On many different levels

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,

"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
It meant a great deal...

When my dad taught me how to haggle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the name of the space bounty hunter who used to host Deal or No Deal?

Howie Mandelorian

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Who had the hottest Black Friday deals this year?

Kohl’s

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?

Answers on a postcard please.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
We’ve got a lot of issues to deal with
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a fireworks store yesterday looking for a deal

I was blown away

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SensationNation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?

The treefrontal cortex.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nubsnivel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
... β€˜sealed’ the deal ... gfycat.com/warmheartedsim…
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-Llo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the supervisor deal with the incompetent employees?

Eh, he managed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/signal2COYSratio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My son gets really excited when we go to the natural history museum. When he gets near the prehistoric bones, he just explodes with excitement and I can't deal with is new strength.

I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leniski1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a nymphomaniac deal with her addiction?

She thinks about it long and hard.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkHoldenIsAKnob
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I really don’t get what the big deal is with that black hole.

It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redjai15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Who deals with the funerals of gods?

An immortician

>A dumb joke a thought up playing hockey one day

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_abomination
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
a most wholesome deal

dad joke for a dad joke?

what do they say about the restaurant on the moon? good food, no atmosphere :)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mercutiowasatop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
aPEARantly everyone else at goodwill was sleeping on this sweet ass deal.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dino_wizard317
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a great deal on an upside down boat.

It was on sail.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goreblaster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the, what's the deal
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonasvagn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I went on Deal or No Deal hoping to win a million dollars.

But that turned out to be not the case.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GinormousPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===

My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)

Onto the jokes!

Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!

How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!

Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?

What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fro-Ro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
When Northern Europe was bartering for its land, all they wanted was a little something to Sweden the deal.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callenreese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't know why money laundering is such a big deal.

Now my moneys wet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What a great deal!
πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devinh313
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don’t get it.

I have never had a beef with one.

πŸ‘︎ 379
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Got a good deal on Cybertron Monday
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What part of the brain deals with the knowledge of trees?

The treefrontal cortex.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nubsnivel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend thinks it’s easier to deal with fractions than with decimals.

I said, β€œYou’re missing the point.”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't know why some people make a big deal about planting a garden...

It's sow easy!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPockets95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Just wanted to remind everyone of all the hard work the significant others of superheroes do. They deal with so much, have to be in their shadow, yet still stand by them...

They really are fucking heroes

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uingsz
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A family walks into a pizza place, and there's a deal - Buy one pizza, get the second free -

The dad says - 'In that case, we'll just have the second pizza!'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the deal with the closet?

It had a bunch of hangups. And it came with some bagage.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Word_Dudely
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the deal with the angry pirate who lost the letter P?

He was so irate.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/byst_mayne
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What hospital ward deals with the most vision care cases?

The ICU.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hardware_Problem
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My sister and I have to deal with pops constantly joking with lame quips and puns...

You could say /r/dadjokes a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohmyganja
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend got a great deal on a new PC...

They threw in the operating system to boot

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
People make such a big deal about vegans, which I don’t understand because I’ve never had beef with one.
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/priv_rex
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What should you do if your wife doesnt believe you about the deals at Ikea?

Just shower

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vvt2003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted me to attend a flea market this weekend that only deals with Middle Eastern items...

I thought hmmm.... that’s bazaar.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AFOpie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand y algebra class has so many variables to deal with.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cringelord123456
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the car salesman who tried making a deal with the devil?

He couldn't a Ford to sell his Soul.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the 8th grader deal with the bully that wouldn't let him enter the restroom?

He had to fight. For his right. To POTTY!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fo_eyed_dog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I got offered an amazing deal today, someone offered to sell me a stereo with a broken volume knob!

I couldn’t turn it down!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlainPup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the bird say when he got a great deal?

Cheap cheap

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nom_nom44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to Five Below today in search of some nice deals.

It truly amazes me how they stay in business when it's always freezing there

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FatKidFromTarget
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?

Anty Depressants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call apps which deal with the human nervous system?

Synapse.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mayteras
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I got an incredible deal on some pens that were manufactured in Peru!

They're Inca pens.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StingsLikeBitch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
softball player get a music deal?

Why did the softball player get a music deal? -Her first single was a hit!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/euwrank3262
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it that you can get good deals in winter?

Because you have the chance toboggan.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConstableBrew
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Privacy is a big deal for social media.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehwolf_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do people choose suicide as a way to deal with their problems?

It's a Cobain mechanism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zebra_Placenta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are classical musicians so good at finding deals?

Because they never pay the Liszt price.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/renderfox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Fishing is the reel deal
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jkcru
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Just got a great deal on a new farm in the country

It was dirt cheap

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the deal with the perpetually sad man whose time machine broke after it landed him in the Grand Canyon in 1936?

He was stuck in a great depression.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingbuttshit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Every year at work they make us do a Sexual Harassment training, and I don't see what the big deal is...

Harassment nothing to me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChesterDrawls
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Whats the deal with airline food?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluetube180
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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