I manage to cut off my enemies leg during a sword fight
The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me
An English ship on the way to Germany suddenly starts making water and is about to capsize.. After some trying they finally manage to reach the coastguard "We're sinking, we're sinking!!"
.. A confused but also quite curious voice responds.. "What are you sinking about?"
My boss asked me if I could manage the tills.
So I told them to serve the queue and walked off.
Google is set to come out with a new browser that manages search results based solely on your DNA
Set to be called the Google Chromosome.
How did Trump manage to turn all his horse shit into a presidency?
Because heβs a stable genius.
How can we be expected to manage universal healthcare when we obviously haven't even figured out
planetary healthcare?
A botanist tells a joke to another botanist that he finds particularly funny. The first botanist is laughing so hard he can hardly muster a sentence, but manages to say...
That joke was so funny I nearly wet my plants!
Data pointing to the database I manage makes for a top tier visual pun.
A famous horror novelist was at a convention when a man asked, βWhy are all your books so dark? Iβve tried, but I just canβt manage to read any of them.β The novelist responded,
βSo you havenβt tried turning on a light then?β
If a new Dad manages to capture video of their child breastfeeding for the first time, is it okay for them to title that video
"The Noob on the Boob!"
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?
He wasnβt the top of his class, but his grades here in the high Cβs...
I often get asked how I manage to draw such prefect lines
I say it's quite straight forward.
What do you call an Irish man with chronic mental health issues who manages to keep bouncing back?..
Rick O'Shea
I've decided I want to manage an all Muslim 80's cover band. The name?
Koran Koran
I asked my dad how he manages to make his trousers last.
He told me he makes the coats first...
I see people posting about Sagittarius A* black hole, but I never manage to find the footnotes.
I wish I had a dollar for every Dad joke, turn of phrase, or play on words I manage to rattle off on a daily basis.
You know what they say though, "Punny doesn't grow on trees..."
How the Ewoks manage to sneak up on Han Solo, Chewbacca and Luke Skywalker?
They used their Endor voices.
βMr. Shakespeare, how doth thou manage to keep your married life interesting?β
Shakespeare: Anne hath a way.
What do Cuban mountain climbers use to manage their ropes?
Caribbean-ers
