let me tell you the twitter handle of a horror company out of this world

@mustfear

edit : thisnisna dad joke. not intended as an actual twitter handle search.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alphabluewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
My favorite ax handle broke and I was very upset...

...but I got a new one and I think I handled it well.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washmo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
My son can’t handle my jokes

He’s an amputee

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fiddadle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
I used to have a handle on life

But then it broke.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CouldBeSageAdvice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I cant handle how sharp this is.
πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arbitrary_Bastion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I can't handle the truth

What a liar!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Ducks really cannot handle being stressed out

They quack under pressure

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalsgt90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking

I had trouble coping.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
I took my son to the bar on his 21st birthday. I found out he couldn’t handle his liquor.

It kept running through his hands.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a joke about bicycle tires, but i couldnt handle the preasure

I think i might have put the BAR too high

When im done i will let out a PSIgh of relief

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heraugast12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
A bag couldn’t handle the heavy weight
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Looks like my door couldn't handle it
πŸ‘︎ 215
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liv_Kato
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a lawyer wear in court to handle evidence after dark?

Night-trial gloves

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I had my front door replaced with a door entirely made out of chocolate with a ganache handle and caramel accents.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
some people just couldn’t handle it)
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banterade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I really don’t have a handle on things right now.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Micaiah12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?

A brush with death

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My back is in pain but I can handle it.

It's spine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Born2Pub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The most absurd way to make a handle v.redd.it/elw7hq9j14421
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unoriginal_duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't know if you can HANDle this
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aldo-Tron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.

The were working at cross porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwmillman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy who designed first handles....

....opened doors to a lot of opportunities.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t handle this
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnonymousGekko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a patient that handles their physical therapy like it’s a cake walk?

A PT Cruiser

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My son can fix all your plumbing, bring your electrical up to code and handle any framing or carpentry you could imagine

His name is Jack

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeri5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:

How very un-ladle-like!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magic7ball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to handle injection molds at the keyboard plant.

They fired me when I lost control.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeeTheENTP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a self-help book online, called "How to Handle Disappointment".

When the package arrived it was empty. They also charged me twice.....lesson learned.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew there was something odd about this ball, I just couldn't get a handle on it...
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geekinpa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Too much for him to handle v.redd.it/ayxig2wsiyw11
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hexasarus_Hex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
People say I have a drinking problem but it's ok I have a handle on it.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alex_giovanniello
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you handle a redhead's temper?

Gingerly.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What side of the mug is the handle on?

The outside.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fourwheeling02
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I physic-ally can't handle this joke
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aHecc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I stopped making gloves because I couldn’t handle it
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kableewey
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Lactose Intolerant people don’t handle some jokes well.....

They’re too cheesy

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExcelOceans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently watched a documentary about door handles.

It was gripping.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I always thought that Two Factor, as in two factor authentication, sounded like a Rapper's handle.

I wonder if he's a fan of his predecessor, TwoFac Secure?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendaryOdin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My Australian friend was told he may no longer handle marsupials...

I guess you could say he has been dis-koala-fied.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CAdamH
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Can you handle this?
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b-retticus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What has a handle and looks like it just saw a ghost?

A pail.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I just can't handle it.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Actual_Pope
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I guess they really didn’t have a handle on it.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A man who knows how to handle a grill always makes the girls wet... [x-post from r/killthecameraman]
πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jentelus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Too hot to handle
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorBulbax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my broom and bent the handle.

I haven't been sweeping well lately.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/accountnumber3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I got in a car accident last week and things have just been really tough. They can’t find any parts for it because the manufacturer went out of business a few years ago and not having a vehicle is really putting a strain on my work and family. It’s just a lot to handle.

Sorry for the Saab story.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tx_Deception_Tx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you handle a red-head's anger?

Gingerly

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greyghost6
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't even handle this bin imgur.com/a/Au4qL
πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nozbaz176
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
🚨︎ report
You had one job, but you obviously couldn't handle it. ipfs.pics/QmeRkbqHUgSQWmG…
πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Messiah's Handles
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
🚨︎ report
30 Skeleton puns. Can you handle the skull rattling mayhem?

The Duke of Dance: If i don't stop soon, you're really gonna have a bone to pick with me.

The Duke of Dance: I need to stop being such a numbskull.

The Duke of Dance: help.

Sans: I gotta write these down.

The Duke of Dance: I don't have enough backbone to deal with my own shit

The Duke of Dance: but that's tibea expected.

Sans: I find this humerus.

The Duke of Dance: damn

The Duke of Dance: stole my next one.

The Duke of Dance: I'm not fibulaing you when i say, i'm running out of material. I'm really trying to think of more puns here, but i'm patellaing you, i'm out.

Sans: I don't even know this many bone names.

The Duke of Dance: My cranium is empty. i'm running bone-dry here.

The Duke of Dance: But you'r quite sternum in your wanting of these puns.

The Duke of Dance: don't worry, i'll stop temporalily. Not really tho.

The Duke of Dance: I'm taking these puns to the maxilla.

Sans: Can you make a pelvis pun?

The Duke of Dance: Not really. I can't think of any. So no hi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
🚨︎ report
You can't handle the spoof 90's commercial - the king of all pun posts. youtube.com/watch?v=Xd-kH…
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFriendsAndMy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
🚨︎ report
I don't really like to handle raw fish

I'm afraid I'll get salmonella

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brenzek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
How does your dog handle umbrellas?

Pawly

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriskyGrub
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad has a gas powered blender with motorbike-style handle bars.

I was at a Yankees vs Royals baseball game. I text my dad to tell him, "They have a promo for tailgating on the jumbotron. They had your blender!" He replies back, "One like mine. I just looked, mine is in the garage."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lrnrae
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
🚨︎ report
He tried barebacking, but couldn't handle the cock in this club [SFW, PUN, SHORT VIDEO] youtu.be/efz050leeRk
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tidder-07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend got a small cup with a spoon handle for her birthday.

She really liked it.

I said it was just her cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinDarklighter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
🚨︎ report
I told my girlfriend that she couldn't handle the gains I was getting at the gym...

Response: "Gains? Laundry detergent doesn't provide that many benefits, hun."

Fuck.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXPanduhzXx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
🚨︎ report
I ordered 6 wings for 5 bucks at the strip club last night. Friend knew how to handle this.

Don't you know breasts are 50 cents a piece here?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lunarseed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report
"Dad, what do you think of Cawkii's love handles?"

Dad - "Those aren't love handles, those are love seat belts!"

I'm a bit of a fatty....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cawkii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
🚨︎ report
too many plays on words for me to handle

while talking to my roommates about the fabulous acting of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, I mentioned that time he played the tooth fairy. roommate replies,

"yeah he really rocked that role"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eewwee
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2014
🚨︎ report

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