Handle With Care
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiccoloNeat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I'd like to meet the dentist that would handle this
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

She was hauling adze!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.

I was appalled.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
My diet made me lose my love handles

Now I have no control over my relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/umberdiary
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I can't handle this.
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a self help tape called, "How to handle disappointment."...

When the package came....the box was empty.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles...

I said she'll look stupid without any ears πŸ‘‚

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
I can’t handle going camping with my friend anymore...

It’s just two in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vyvyanovich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My kids keep playing with my love handles

It's their favorite roll playing game.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnthnmdr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're a flapjack and you need to go pee you maple the 3rd handle
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I replaced the handle on the toilet today!

Me: I replaced the handle on the toilet today!

Teenager: (Sarcastic) And aren't you proud of it?

Me: Flushed with success.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h2g2_researcher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend hit her knee on a drawer handle

I heard my girlfriend from the kitchen say "Ow!"

I walked in and said "what happened?"

She said pointed to a drawer handle and said "I knee'd this"

I said, "Well, I can get you more"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsmith944
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Milking stools have a handle

It makes them easy to Moooo've

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pollrobots
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I cant handle how sharp this is.
πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arbitrary_Bastion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Looks like my door couldn't handle it
πŸ‘︎ 220
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liv_Kato
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A bag couldn’t handle the heavy weight
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My son can’t handle my jokes

He’s an amputee

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fiddadle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
let me tell you the twitter handle of a horror company out of this world

@mustfear

edit : thisnisna dad joke. not intended as an actual twitter handle search.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alphabluewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Ducks really cannot handle being stressed out

They quack under pressure

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalsgt90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The most absurd way to make a handle v.redd.it/elw7hq9j14421
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unoriginal_duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My favorite ax handle broke and I was very upset...

...but I got a new one and I think I handled it well.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washmo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a joke about bicycle tires, but i couldnt handle the preasure

I think i might have put the BAR too high

When im done i will let out a PSIgh of relief

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heraugast12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to have a handle on life

But then it broke.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CouldBeSageAdvice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking

I had trouble coping.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I can't handle the truth

What a liar!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I really don’t have a handle on things right now.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Micaiah12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I had my front door replaced with a door entirely made out of chocolate with a ganache handle and caramel accents.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is always bragging about his woodworking tool like an axe but with the cutting edge perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

What an adze!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I took my son to the bar on his 21st birthday. I found out he couldn’t handle his liquor.

It kept running through his hands.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know if you can HANDle this
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aldo-Tron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t handle this
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnonymousGekko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a lawyer wear in court to handle evidence after dark?

Night-trial gloves

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I knew there was something odd about this ball, I just couldn't get a handle on it...
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geekinpa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
People say I have a drinking problem but it's ok I have a handle on it.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alex_giovanniello
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Too much for him to handle v.redd.it/ayxig2wsiyw11
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hexasarus_Hex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?

A brush with death

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My back is in pain but I can handle it.

It's spine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Born2Pub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My son can fix all your plumbing, bring your electrical up to code and handle any framing or carpentry you could imagine

His name is Jack

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeri5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you handle a redhead's temper?

Gingerly.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I physic-ally can't handle this joke
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aHecc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Lactose Intolerant people don’t handle some jokes well.....

They’re too cheesy

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExcelOceans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Guy who designed first handles....

....opened doors to a lot of opportunities.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What side of the mug is the handle on?

The outside.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fourwheeling02
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.

The were working at cross porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwmillman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a self-help book online, called "How to Handle Disappointment".

When the package arrived it was empty. They also charged me twice.....lesson learned.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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