What do you call a crime, committed by a fruit?
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 27 2021
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
π︎ 35
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︎ May 04 2021
What do you call 20 mail trucks going by all at once?
π︎ 5
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︎ May 14 2021
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.
So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.
π︎ 78
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What do you call an ocean rescued by PETA?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 07 2021
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants βWhy do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good olβ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!β He was surprisingly vocal...
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 24 2021
What do you call a security company run by detectives?
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 30 2021
What do you call having your fortune told to you by a Gypsie?
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 25 2021
I can do calf raises just by mooving it.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Nov 17 2020
What do you call the act of rummaging around in a purse by a warthog that is good at talking to women?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 16 2021
What do you call a guy who just got a leg bitten off by a lion?
π︎ 64
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︎ Mar 04 2021
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
π︎ 30
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Why do seagulls fly by the sea?
Because if they flew by the bay, theyβd be bagels.
π︎ 19
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︎ Mar 12 2021
What do you call a plant thatβs been mutated by nuclear radiation?
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 14 2021
What do you call an aircraft piloted by an all female crew ?
π︎ 65
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︎ Jan 19 2021
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?
π︎ 15
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︎ Feb 25 2021
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What do we call a crime scene of a crime done by spiders?
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 26 2021
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
π︎ 324
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︎ Oct 26 2020
What do you call a big cat that doesn't play by the rules?
π︎ 76
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︎ Nov 03 2020
What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies ?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Apr 05 2020
I got dad joked by my 3 year old daughter at dinner today: "Hey do you have a bun?" I asked her.
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What do you call a fight started by an intergovernmental organisation?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 28 2021
What do you call a coffee shop runned by birds?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 16 2021
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?
π︎ 20
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︎ Dec 15 2020
What do you call a dinosaur who stalks its prey by cunning stealth?
Nobodysaurus
...I'll get my coat (again)
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 27 2020
A joke told to me by a friend's child. How do bees get to school?
π︎ 24
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︎ Oct 06 2020
How do you know you're about to be ambushed by a crowe?
You'll hear a Russell in the bushes.
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What do you call a soup factory run by strippers?
π︎ 32
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︎ Sep 22 2020
βWhat do you call a corgi who goes undercover?β (drawn by: me)
π︎ 47
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︎ Jun 24 2020
What do you call Batman and Robin after getting run over by a car?
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What do you call a computer made by McDonalds?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What do you call being roasted by a guy with Ph.D?
π︎ 357
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Cars rip by at 200mph, so how fast do you have to be a NASCAR cameraman?
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Son: Dad, do you have another blanket by you? Iβm cold
Dad: Go stand in the corner son, itβs 90Β° over there
π︎ 40
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
π︎ 16
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
π︎ 12
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︎ Jun 20 2020
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
π︎ 93
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︎ Apr 07 2020
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay theyβd be bagels.
π︎ 25
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
If they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels.
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter
π︎ 30
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 71
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︎ Sep 30 2020
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?
Socially dissed ant
Courtesy of my dad
π︎ 31
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︎ Jul 28 2020
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by the diameter?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
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