Why did Danny DeVito sell all of his stocks?

Turns out he's a short seller.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Coronavirus having a devastating impact on the stock market
πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falafel_hotdog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Investing in Stocks

https://preview.redd.it/h2f3c3m6npu41.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=08c887e746923034904674eb635f02fdbc47393f

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunionsBill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Germany is now requiring people to stock up cheese and sausages due to COVID-19.

This is called the Wurst-KΓ€se Scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I bought some stocks from vegetable companies.

It didn’t turnip well.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

...that's humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
My quarantined stock broker was just arrested!

The SEC got him for insider trading.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
I've started investing in stocks...

Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDontCare320
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock

That’s humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PositivityPhD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
The German government is advising residents to stock up on sausage and cheese due to the Covid pandemic.

They're calling it a wurst-kΓ€ze scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_jandax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
I just asked my dad to give me a crash course on the stock market

He said, β€œWell it’s crashing on course right now.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KugelBlitzSparks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Between the free falling stock markets, the Covid 19 pandemic, and locusts in Africa, there is one silver lining.

At least tomorrow isn’t Friday the thirteen... yikes!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
How do you make a laughing stock?

Just boil a funny bone.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2723brad2723
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Today I messed up and bought an entire cupboard of beef stock.

But hey, at least I’m now a boullionnaire

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redback3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes laughing stock. Now that's humerous.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASMRMajor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Stock markets plunge over Coronavirus fears, some portfolios hit more than others..

... Mainly Spread markets.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
What is the name of the most famous stock index in the world?

Down Jones

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dashee87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Hydroponic herb growers are the next big thing in the stock market!

Thyme is money.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Scribbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Even though the protein store was consistently out of stock, one guy still made sales

because where there is a Will, there is a whey

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Waddya mean "royalty-free" stock photo?
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The stock market probably do better in the winter...

More people have colds = more people eating soup.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontb3jelous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?

Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Stock image
πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/limeyptwo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a job with Getty Images taking stock photos.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Furters_44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I see the stock market about to crash

I yell out ENNNNRONIIIING!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjjsteen3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a butcher who has money in the stock market?

A steak holder

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToraChan23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Once manure companies run out of stock,

They'll just stop giving a crap.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes laughing stock. Now that's humerous. reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timesuck47
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I've started diversifying my portfolio by investing in different stocks. Primarily beef, chicken, and vegetables...

I hope some day to be a bouillonaire

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My local golf shop is selling all its stock to stay in business. The putters, the drivers and the irons are all gone, but they are not out of the woods yet.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
They say 'buying stock in airlines is generally a bad idea'

But I made money out of Finnair.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piedssurmars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Do wanna know why people use stock photos?

Because they're always in stock

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dluer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I work at a grocery store and I accidentally dropped one of the eight cases of soda I was supposed to stock on the top shelf

At least I got 7up

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohitsgoin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been investing heavily in chicken, beef, and vegetable stocks

I hope to become a bouillionaire one day

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Last year I started investing in chicken stock.

I made a bullion dollars in profit.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I just started buying stock from the market

I have beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tj_xraybanvision
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
For nearly a year I have been investing heavily in stocks

That’s chicken, beef and vegetable.

Soon I will be a bouillionaire!

πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

That's humerus.

Edit: spelling

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If you buy Disney stock, and wait till they start competing with Netflix in November, you won't want to go to Disneyland or Disney World.

The stock itself will give you enough of a roller coaster ride.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally decided to purchase stock in cannabis.

The company is really growing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/casimir1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the stock trader’s favourite band?

Green Day

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I've begun to heavily invest in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad told me to never buy stock in Lipton, Tetley, or Twinings.

He always said, β€œMoney doesn’t grow on teas.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator putting money into stocks and shares?

Investigator

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CianWoodward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a stock exchange's favourite drink?

Forex Gold

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XboxUnited_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking about investing in Cannabis stock.

I’m just worried it will go up in smoke.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/casimir1978
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend who is a stock broker on Wall Street wants to open a florist shop...

He wants to stop and sell the roses!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an alligator from the stock market?

An investigator.

(A retouch on an older joke)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimatePleb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
They should stock ATM's better.

I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought some stock in Bose the other day.

It was a sound investment

πŸ‘︎ 239
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
🚨︎ report
I know a guy who is researching the Stock Market.

He’s really invested in it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Looks like weed stocks

Are getting high today

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SatanicOnion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I've added a stock investor on Facebook.

We have 3 mutual funds in common.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I have been watching the stock market for hospital supplies...

The bottom fell out on hospital patient wear.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Stock Photo imgur.com/vU7hR34
πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/everluvblueeyed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I was offered to buy some stocks in a terrible airplane company

I thought it would never take off

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drexall
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who invests in marijuana stocks?

A HEDGE FUND MANAGER

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m going to sell all my shares of Kodak stock...

The company has a real negative attitude.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TRMIB
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
🚨︎ report
"Stock up!" my dad said, tossing a bag of shredded cheese onto my lap.

"Donald Trump is going to make America grate again."

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nroak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Alligator that invests in stock?

An investigator

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/latemodel24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Help me with a punny name for a stock market earnings app

I am building a small app that does analyses stock market trends and stuff especially around stock earnings. Could someone help me name my app?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rdv100
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
When a stock trader starts talking about buying "blue chips" and "dip" this is what comes to mind.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/logicson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do Vampires hoard stocks?

They're terrified of stakeholders!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trawkker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I decided I'd buy some stocks in the apple juice industry

But I was arrested for having in-cider information

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bread_Princess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What beverage does someone stock up on when they think the world is going to end?

Dr Prepper

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuchoTornado
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
After the stock market crash, the former millionaire was depressed

He was used to living the good life, and all the perks that go with it. His refined palette missed the fine dining, at five-star restaurants run by top chefs. Now reduced to eating macaroni and cheese with hotdogs, he looked down at his plate and contemplated suicide.

It was a wurst case scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Stock photo
πŸ‘︎ 346
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwlsOnTheRoof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend spilled chicken stock everywhere when she was cooking dinner...

I told her she was like a boullion in a China shop.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fender_bender16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Like the tired stock clerk at the art-supply store said:

"I just can't palate another pallet of palettes."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
🚨︎ report
The stock trader was able to afford his new landscaping...

...after making so much money in his hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbirdistheword
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
A guy made a killing on the stock market today.

He shot his broker.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
🚨︎ report
My mum's investing in the stock market imgur.com/gallery/MZWL5X9
πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toast888
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Stock photo puns are frighteningly fun
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scottshott
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Where does a stock broker dock their boat?

Port folio.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/x5685
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Sex with me is like the stock market...

It's better if you're insider.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyblacker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Stock Photo
πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1moose2meese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My search for a stock photo quickly turned into armageddon imgur.com/unalMst
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inspiringlondon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
🚨︎ report
My stocks have been doing really well lately.

Mostly chicken and beef, but pork isn't so bad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Polatrite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
🚨︎ report
The Stock Market Movement

So there's two day traders looking at the commodity stocks for office supplies on their computer. "What's the movement on desks and chairs?" asks the first stockbroker.

"Um, that's moving up," says the second. "We should get into it."

"Okay what about stocks for desktop computers? Are they moving?" says the first.

"Yep, they're dropping," says the second. "We've got to sell that off."

"Okay what about paper? Is that moving?" says the first.

"Paper? No," says the second. "Paper is stationery."

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StreetfighterXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Q: What did the egg whites say to the beef stock?

A: You and I should get together and consommΓ© our relationship.

Footnote: If you're not a cook, this joke might require some clarification.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leafyleafygreens
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Chicken Stock

Sister: I made chicken stock in my cooking class today.

Dad: Chickens can't talk!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Birkenspock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2014
🚨︎ report
A proud son dadjoked his dad last night as he was making stock in the kitchen

Dad: The stock is doing really well already. Me: Yeah I heard its up 5% since yesterday. Dad: groan

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monmoneep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad here: For as long as I can remember, this has been a stock line for me.

Woman makes a comment. Me:"Yeah, I have that effect on women"

Works on everything - "I'm hot", "I'm cold", "I'm bored", "I'm all wet" (choose your audience carefully), "I don't feel well", "I'm broke"...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That’s very humerus.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/htimsmith
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock......that’s humerus
πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tea_with_Becca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus .

That's humerus .

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skynetdyne
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XDADDYTHRASHERX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I just started buying stock from the market

I have beef chicken,and vegetable.one day I hope to be a bouillonaire

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eisenhower_is_dad
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
"Stock up!" said my dad as he tossed a bag of shredded cheese onto my lap.

"Donald Trump is going to make America grate again."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nroak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report

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