What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.

I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Why does the Dalai Lama love to play the stock market?

He loves Tibet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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The stock market is confusing for me but

It makes cents for someone else

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Coronavirus having a devastating impact on the stock market
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falafel_hotdog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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Between the free falling stock markets, the Covid 19 pandemic, and locusts in Africa, there is one silver lining.

At least tomorrow isn’t Friday the thirteen... yikes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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I just asked my dad to give me a crash course on the stock market

He said, β€œWell it’s crashing on course right now.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KugelBlitzSparks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Stock markets plunge over Coronavirus fears, some portfolios hit more than others..

... Mainly Spread markets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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The stock market probably do better in the winter...

More people have colds = more people eating soup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontb3jelous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Hydroponic herb growers are the next big thing in the stock market!

Thyme is money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Scribbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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Whenever I see the stock market about to crash

I yell out ENNNNRONIIIING!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjjsteen3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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I just started buying stock from the market

I have beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be bouillonaire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tj_xraybanvision
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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What do you call an alligator from the stock market?

An investigator.

(A retouch on an older joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimatePleb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I have been watching the stock market for hospital supplies...

The bottom fell out on hospital patient wear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Help me with a punny name for a stock market earnings app

I am building a small app that does analyses stock market trends and stuff especially around stock earnings. Could someone help me name my app?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdv100
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
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My mum's investing in the stock market imgur.com/gallery/MZWL5X9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toast888
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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After the stock market crash, the former millionaire was depressed

He was used to living the good life, and all the perks that go with it. His refined palette missed the fine dining, at five-star restaurants run by top chefs. Now reduced to eating macaroni and cheese with hotdogs, he looked down at his plate and contemplated suicide.

It was a wurst case scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
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Sex with me is like the stock market...

It's better if you're insider.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyblacker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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A guy made a killing on the stock market today.

He shot his broker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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The Stock Market Movement

So there's two day traders looking at the commodity stocks for office supplies on their computer. "What's the movement on desks and chairs?" asks the first stockbroker.

"Um, that's moving up," says the second. "We should get into it."

"Okay what about stocks for desktop computers? Are they moving?" says the first.

"Yep, they're dropping," says the second. "We've got to sell that off."

"Okay what about paper? Is that moving?" says the first.

"Paper? No," says the second. "Paper is stationery."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StreetfighterXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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I just started buying stock from the market

I have beef chicken,and vegetable.one day I hope to be a bouillonaire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eisenhower_is_dad
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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