Found Martin Griffiths on comic con, he did commissions and drew me a tattoo :D
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albme94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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If I ever have the money, I'm going to commission a bust.

But I'm getting a head of myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reyzorblade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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The us navy should commission a new ship and name it "R"

The USS-R

Imagine the Russian navy getting intercepted by it; "Sir, the USS-R is behind us!" "Yes, comrade, but a strong Russia is still in our future!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleazyridr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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My friend works for the road commission, but he only hangs signs on streets where there's no outlet.

What a dead end job!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/three_rs
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Why fish don’t have planning commissions?

They hate public herrings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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My Orthodontist doesn't work on commission...

He only works on retainer.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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The fishmonger’s apprentice was flirting with me, but I have a hunch she just wants to make better commission.

I mean, it could be real but maybe that’s just fishful winking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slavaa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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I sent my dad a picture of my latest commission...

He thinks he's hilarious.

https://40.media.tumblr.com/ba1077dffd5348723c720fb03a9f6e24/tumblr_nkgtdqBkh71rhe477o2_400.jpg

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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I once met Meatloaf when I was working as a car salesman.

He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at Β£28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the Β£28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, β€˜I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CromulentDucky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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I commissioned a statue of myself to be built...

... But the sculptor only did my face and shoulders.

What a bust.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solipsistence
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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My co-worker commissioned this drawing for her daughter for Christmas, who said that all she wanted was "peace on earth"... etsy.com/listing/17350414…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ekwegener
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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Some women are part of itty bitty titty committee

But some man are stuck in bare-skin hair-thin chin commission

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πŸ‘€︎ u/konstantinua00
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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A friend challenged me to a pun-athon, but being an artist, he was into pictoral puns.

Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-

He said, "So I'll go first?"

I said sure.

I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.

He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wa

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon-Osterman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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x-post from /r/talesfromretail. Customer was classic /r/dadjoke material.

I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.

Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.

So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.

C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?

Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountBlah_Blah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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Did you know Santa is not allowed to go down chimneys anymore?

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety commission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurac_Palac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
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My dad told me this one today...

Have you ever wondered why there was only 1 monopolies commission?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blatso
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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