Why doesn’t Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
They’re technically Elf employed
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
would provide energy for sure
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
A national coin shortage must provide some much needed relief for people who don’t like change.
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.
He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
What do you call a fortune teller that provides his services for free?
Do you know what is used to provide vision at night at school playgrounds?
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
He can provide you with fresh prints.
Scotland has made the decision to provide free sanitary products.
I would have predicted a trial period.
A KING WHO PROVIDES FREE ELECTRICITY TO HIS KINGDOM...
Our local pet store provides quality puns.
These guys provide custom 'pens'
What do you call a three legged dalmation who provides free internet.
I’m working for a charity that provides support for elderly grapes
My job is in raisin awareness.
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: “What else could the management provide — that might have prevented you from leaving?”
I was going to provide my local bank with a loan
My wife wanted me to be there for her operation to provide "moral support"
I told her she should probably talk to a priest instead.
Being married is like staying at a fancy hotel. My wife provides turn-down service every night.
My cell phone provider announced that they were going to provide me with unlimited data, then they texted me this...
How do you provide power to the underworld?
Through the darkest hours you've been there for me, working through my mistakes, and you've always been able to provide me with answers.
I'm going to start a store that provides rapid clothing alterations
I'll call it "Tailor Swift"
With the birth of my first less than a month away, I have been practicing all I can at work. This season provides some extra opportunities.
I am a mail clerk at a huge office. I dropped this while delivering boxes today:
Me: (Knock Knock) Hey Karen, I've got something for you. (Hand her a box.)
Karen: OOO What is it?
Me: Its a box.
Karen: Ughh...
Weather forecast provides the perfect dad joke opportunity
I was checking the weather and the forecast for Sunday said "Potential for significant icing"
Dad: "Chocolate or vanilla?"
Dad provides interesting commentary to TV show
I was watching a singing competition on TV (The Voice) with my parents and I noticed that one of the judges had bleached his hair. I turned over to my mom and asked...
Me: "Mom, why did Adam bleach his hair?"
Dad: "He had a blonde moment."
Chinese food never fails to provide ammo for dads.
Sitting in the Chinese Restaurant, my dad is reading the broken English menu and says:
Dad: Does this dish come out with Beethoven playing?
Me: What? Why?
Dad: Well it's under 'classical dishes'.
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas..
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
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