I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Every year Santa delivers presents to the kids....
....based on what their parents income is.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
is that a romantic jester?
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
Don't worry about catching COVID from the gifts that Santa delivers
They will all be Santatized
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?
Because he was in Reichweite
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
When is the most appropriate time to deliver a child?
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, “why is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
How do you deliver a baby?
Someone told me that women shouldn't deliver the mail
What do you call a woman who delivers mail?
Would she be a mailwoman or femailman?
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it
My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…
I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.
A guy rushed past me at the post office to deliver 25 different letters
How do you get a cat to deliver a package?
You call USPSpspspspspspsps.
There are so many businesses that deliver right now
but I'd really prefer to keep my liver.
Nurse: I'm going to deliver the baby
Me: Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver
What's the best way to deliver a pun?
Cut it open and take out the liver
Boss: "what's that?", Me: (with much enthusiasm) "it's a SPACE BAR!!!!!" *wets myself laughing*, Boss: "...................." *delivers withering look* "are you allowed to stick things on your laptop?", Me: *dies inside at another badly landed pun*
What do you call a cat that delivers presents?
What do you call a person who delivers Indian food?
Here's the latest episode of a competitive pun gameshow that I host, 'Punnit'. Where 3 contestants deliver their best pre-written pun to categories such as Board Games & Kitchen Utensils, Pokemon & Takeaway Dishes + more.
youtube.com/watch?v=sjQg5…
Organ donors deliver.
Or dekidney, deheart, whatever it is they're donating.
I was going to tell you a Digiorno joke but I couldn’t deliver it.
OC: What is it called when a mama cat delivers her babies in the cat box?
A litter litter, literally.
Of storks deliver little babies, what delivers big babies?
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
My Yik Yak feed delivers
http://i.imgur.com/LT5FoFE.png
I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"
Every year Santa delivers presents to kids....
.....based on what their parents income is.
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
Amazon is starting a new service where they deliver custom made shirts to your door within 48 hours.
They are calling it Tailor Swift.
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
A guy rushed past me at the post office to deliver 25 different letters...
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
Doctor: I’m going to deliver the baby
Dad: actually, we’d like him to keep his liver
I quit my job as a mailman when they gave me first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
What do you call someone who delivers Indian food?
*Wife pregnant* Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby"
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
I quit my job as a postman on my first day, right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”
Doctor: “Alright, it looks like we’re ready to deliver the baby.”
Me: “Actually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me."
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