Tintin gonna save us
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soda_Monster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
My New Year's resolution is to save enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
If you want to save money this Christmas,

now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
If your plans are ruined this 2020 because of Coronavirus, save it for 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
My efforts to save on my electricity bills have really paid off.

And honestly, I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/42alj
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippy?

Because he was too far out man

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mummifiedllama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 680
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
save the molar bears
πŸ‘︎ 163
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kill_joi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel's life.

The other vowel says, "Aye E! I owe you!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Someone save him.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DSpeed4s
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently I’ve been collecting cans in the park and crushing them down to save space.

My wife insists I need to find a hobby that’s not soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
How do pig families save money on clothes?

They use ham-me-downs

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
My wife and kids told me to stop singing Christmas songs. They said 'It's March, save it for the one day it is Christmas!'

I said 'Oh... I wish it could be Christmas everyday.'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
10/10 would save again
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chey-no
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
In a new movie 007 must save us from a mad man intent on setting off an atomic bomb on the bottom of the Ocean

Nucleotide Bond

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna save it for the Office
πŸ‘︎ 518
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endofdaays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Thor’s brother didn’t want anyone to know he was helping him save Asgard

He was Loki, a revenger

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ladder_of_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
My New year's resolution is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I'm planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire. v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brystander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new vertical bed to save space.

Only problem is, it keeps me up at night.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺAn evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. It’s like they say:

Not all heroes snare crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atruthtellingliar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My New Years resolution this year is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I’m planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my friend opened a bank account to save up for drugs

Is it a 'joint' account.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinanthbharadwaj
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning?

He was too far out man.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hexagon_papers
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel says, β€œAye E! I owe you!”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Spiderman saves the day with help of a sad joke.
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dkichline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm here to save you...

For I am SUPER CTRL-S πŸ™‚

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ripinreality
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.

Let's just say...the steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benchwrmr22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the life guard save the hippie?

(Hippie voice )Cause he was to far out man....

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/napluto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone approached me and asked me to help save the Amazon

So I signed up for a Prime subscription and restocked my bookcase.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
save him
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/friccinmilk
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
You should always save your spare change.

It just makes cents

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Amputees are the most likely group to save the world single-handedly
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man

πŸ‘︎ 881
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Save the date!
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skelopun
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to β€œbe positive”, but it’s hard without him.

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bejkon533
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the life guard save the hippie

He was too far out man

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
If you ever see money jumping off a cliff, don't go after it. Everyone says, it is very hard to save money.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie??

(I’m stoned hippie voice)

Cuz he was tooo faarrr ouuttt maaaannn!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biga42008
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently, my father passed away in the hospital. He had a cardiac problem, and we needed to perform a blood transfusion in order to save him. Unfortunately, none of us knew his blood type.

As he was dying, he kept telling us to "be positive," but it's incredibly hard to without him.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprovedBore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How to save 1GB of EU
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datdabdoe12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
We should all be listening to music on a lower volume to save energy:

Turn down for watt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeggieSkitzles
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Painting? Nah, wallpaper saves time.
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryRex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Jesus saves!

He uses coupons.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SiLifino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I have have managed to save $10 towards a large sack of raisins.

It's in my current account.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog jumped into some freezing water. A random German tourist jumped in to save him. He told me "Here is ze dog. keep him varm and he vill be just fine". I asked if he was a vet.

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My son has to save the world with Trigonometry.

I told him the Theta the universe depends on it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PatRaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me if she ever had Alzheimer’s she’d commit suicide to save me the burden.

I told her that’s the sixth time she’s said that today.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sc00tzy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blΓ€nket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpillsMcDribble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How do eastern Europeans save while playing video games

They reach czechpoints

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
In the age of information, mathematician population is rapidly declining. We all need to make an effort to save them.

Every mathematician counts.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffymypillows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I will save the beached whale

I ashore you

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...

He told the owner β€œkeep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked β€œare you a vet?” The German replied β€œvet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameisj3sus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Wii save lives
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blobfishbobby69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Save Gas..

Fart in a jar !

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's Jokes: they could save your life
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quest-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Mom: β€œBaby’s first booger... we should save it for the baby book!”

Dad: β€œLet’s snot and say we did.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toodarnloud88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joked while trying to save my money

I accidentally put my wallet through the wash last night. This morning, as I was drying its contents with a hair dryer, my uncle walks in and immediately says "you do know that money laundering is a crime, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zephyrsothe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a clown who likes to save money?

Pennywise

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Rippletin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobosaurusRex2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
The guy from 127 hours had to cut off his left arm to save his own life.

When he got to the hospital, the doctors told him he'd be all right.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deatoai
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
When you get a yardstick, be sure to save it.

They aren't making them any longer.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugsyboy369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is it too hard for lifeguards to save hippies?

They're too far out.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TintinDaSaila
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a train conductor friend who can not multitask to save his life.

I guess you could say he has a one-track mind.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theNotoriousKOJ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you save your favorite porn link ? [NSFW]

You boobmark them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning?

He was too far out, man.

[xpost from r/AskReddit]

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Enzo595
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Save the drama...
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fromanny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Wife: what would you do if a lion was going to attack me and my mother. Who would you save first?

Husband: the lion of course!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Found this on r/memes earlier, figured it'd be good here. God save the queen everyone... imgur.com/dAWNU5W
πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the life guard save the drowning hippie?

He was just too far out man

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qqwrz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report
"Save those jokes for the baby, honey..."

My wife and I are sitting at the dinner table, talking about our soon-to-be-born baby. She is telling me how much the baby is kicking. I said "The baby is kicking like a donkey - or is it a mule?" My wife agrees.

I say (completely straight-faced) "What is a mule's favorite novel?" My wife is stumped. "Donkey-jote."

She sits there for a couple of seconds, and says "Do me a favor: just save all those kinds of jokes for when the baby is born..."

πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fudgebert
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
The dragon killed the knight that came to save the captive princess and then said to her:

What happened? Seems you had a lousy night ...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
How does the sun save money?

Eclipse coupons.

(came up with this one this morning, pretty proud of the groans I got)

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/captainwalnut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad just told me "Save all of your busted lightbulbs, I'm going to built a dark room."
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NextGenBacon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you save an otter's life?

You clamp the otter-y.

Said this in the ER, got groans from a troop of nurses.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Made a pun app with tons of puns. - Hundreds of puns - Submit your own! - Save and share your favorites Enjoy! play.google.com/store/app…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickex77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel's life. The other vowel says, "Aye E! I owe you!"
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel says, β€œAye, E! I owe you!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/papa-ash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie ?

He was too far out man.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/colepatrick1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Amputees are the most likely group to save the world single-handedly
πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life...

The other vowel says, β€œAye E! I owe you!”

πŸ‘︎ 827
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brenatt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
A vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel says, β€œAye, E! I owe you!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cancervixen831
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning?

He was too far out man!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficeBadger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?

Because he was too far out

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HHStorm21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
🚨︎ report

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