A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the Lifeguard save the hippie?

He was far out man!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devinh313
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What does Padme say to Anakin after he saves her?

β€œAnakin your a Lightsaber!”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Millo234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/im_not_geih
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....

Available balance: $9.11

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grit1963
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the life guard save the hippy from drowning?

Because he was too far out man.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"

https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drakenozzypage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Tintin gonna save us
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soda_Monster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How do we save the bees?

We ask all the β€œstraight A” students to back off... just a little.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the life guard save the hippy?

Because he was too far out, man

πŸ‘︎ 460
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50pciggy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I felt like a hero when I donated that kindey to save a kid's life

Figured the collection was getting a bit too big so why not

credit to the r/TwoSentenceHorror subreddit

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImRoderick1303
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kvngjuggy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
She get her hand dirty to save us all !!
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tooladrake
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too faarrr out, man!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atoterrano
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Proper Pun Safety Saves Lives imgur.com/tsOhTbp
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jtrainacomin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you believe that Boeing is going to start building planes out of cardboard to save money?!

We can’t just let things like this fly!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_post_gibberish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy ?

He was too far out man !

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Save the trees
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lliH-knaH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone save him.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DSpeed4s
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 678
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
save the molar bears
πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kill_joi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want to save money this Christmas,

now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If your plans are ruined this 2020 because of Coronavirus, save it for 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My New Year's resolution is to save enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna save it for the Office
πŸ‘︎ 517
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endofdaays
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippy?

Because he was too far out man

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mummifiedllama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My efforts to save on my electricity bills have really paid off.

And honestly, I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/42alj
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
10/10 would save again
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chey-no
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel says, β€œAye E! I owe you!”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently I’ve been collecting cans in the park and crushing them down to save space.

My wife insists I need to find a hobby that’s not soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire. v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brystander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
So a vowel saves another vowel's life.

The other vowel says, "Aye E! I owe you!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do pig families save money on clothes?

They use ham-me-downs

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and kids told me to stop singing Christmas songs. They said 'It's March, save it for the one day it is Christmas!'

I said 'Oh... I wish it could be Christmas everyday.'

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my friend opened a bank account to save up for drugs

Is it a 'joint' account.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinanthbharadwaj
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
In a new movie 007 must save us from a mad man intent on setting off an atomic bomb on the bottom of the Ocean

Nucleotide Bond

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My New year's resolution is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I'm planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My New Years resolution this year is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I’m planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man

πŸ‘︎ 884
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I got a new vertical bed to save space.

Only problem is, it keeps me up at night.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Thor’s brother didn’t want anyone to know he was helping him save Asgard

He was Loki, a revenger

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ladder_of_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out man!

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie ?

He was too far out man.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/colepatrick1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.