I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance

When I fled the scene of the accident.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
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I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but

my hedge fund manager hates reddit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zensunni82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2021
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My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."

I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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Found it saved on my phone
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Donkaholic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2020
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Did you hear how Thor saved Loki’s butt?

With an Asgard.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/suamigojose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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Fishing saved me

Fishing saved me from becoming a pornstar, now I'm just a hooker

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Griffin031
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2020
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I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.

Stupid Firemen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SCRAPP13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. β€œA bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. /r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brainstormer77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2020
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Did you hear the story about a glass of milk that saved the world once?

It was legend dairy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2020
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My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home

I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2020
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I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.

For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
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My father saved up his whole life so he could be cremated

He really urned it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 262
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alliswellinnz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2019
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If you get this pun, you have saved me the time of writing a good title. And if you save me even one second, you have saved my day entire. v.redd.it/feo6wfvmmco31
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brystander
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2019
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What saved Kim Kardashian from drowning?

A Life West

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/00MX5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2020
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Don't you hate those people who come to your door and tell you that you will 'burn' unless you are 'saved'

Those idiot firemen....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TherryTad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2019
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Saved this a year ago and it still made me laugh
πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/42069memeking
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2019
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Someone literally saved my ass by putting this note on some seats on the tram this morning
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ejgee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2019
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I just saved someone from having a stroke!

I live on the edge of a golf course, and someone’s golf ball landed in our yard, so I grabbed it, ran over to the fairway before they got there and tossed it on. I saved them a penalty stroke!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alpine4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2019
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A penny saved is

not much

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2019
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A penny saved is a penny urned
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_benjaninja_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2019
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A penny saved is a penny earned

That's my two cents

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Afro_kat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
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πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/-_----_--
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2018
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I saved another terrible joke to my phone.

Is among my bad ha bits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ProbablyPuck
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
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What did the vowel say when 'E' saved his life?

Aye E, I owe you

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2019
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Boxing saved my life once

5 armed burglars broke into my house and I was in the gym training.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notjimhendrix
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2019
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A penny saved is NOT a penny earned

A penny saved, is actually about 1.25 pennies, once you account for Income Tax.

[my dad works for the Canadian tax department (IRS) and he used to always say that when I was a kid. He thought he was very funny. I'm now starting to see the wisdom in that statement.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/patchy_22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2019
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CitizenCAN_mapleleaf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2018
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How much electricity was saved during the Dark Ages?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shagminer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2019
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I saved my password as incorrect

Every time I get it wrong the screen tells me what my password is.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2018
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If you tell stories about a glass of milk who saved thousands of lives many years ago

That would be Legendairy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lobsman12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2017
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What did German Shrek say when he was saved from the clutches of the dragon?

Danke!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thedhusquad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2018
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My phone case saved my phone from shattering

Whew. best case scenario

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/doebro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2017
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What did one mint say to the other mint after it saved him from being eaten?

Wow, you're a life-saver."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Oompa-Loompa-Reddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2017
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When I told my dad I saved one of my students today who was choking...

He said, "What do you want, a pat on the back?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fancynerrd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2017
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My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'

I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 115
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2020
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Aurikidink
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2018
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I hate when people knock on my door and tell me I need to get "saved" or else I will "burn."

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 379
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ispilledmymilka
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2019
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"...

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bot_10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2019
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I hate those people that knock on my door telling me I need to be "saved" or that I'll "burn"...

Stupid firefighters.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2019
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

Stupid Firemen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/not69420
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2019
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

Stupid firemen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/udrys
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get β€œsaved” or you'll β€œburn”

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zozi0102
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2019
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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kalzonkly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2019
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I hate those people who knock at your door and say you need to be saved or you’ll burn.

Stupid firefighters

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Saazkwat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the story about the cheese that saved the world?

It was legend dairy. tee hee

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrunkAssBum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2016
🚨︎ report

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