The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...
...they will be subma-weiners.
I used to be a magician, but there was an explosion in my equipment
My audience was blown away
Went to the store yesterday and bought a single cherry and some microphone equipment
Bought-a-Bing, Bought-a-boom
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Where do serial killers get their equipment?
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
A good realtor is always equipped with a video camera.
It's how they get the square footage.
What kind of equipment do you need to study birds?
Testing talent show equipment
Drunk driver overturned his van on road carrying snooker equipment.
Police says he is under a-rest and there is cues a mile long.
What do you call scientific equipment that went to college?
Where does sporting equipment go when it dies?
I tried out some riot control equipment today...
What do you say when you see / had seen a pirate version of saw holding a frozen buzzsaw on a piece of playground equipment?
I see/saw sea saw on a seesaw, with an icy saw
What do you call a alligator equipped with gps?
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
What sort of stereo equipment does Black Panther use?
I had a job making Heavy Equipment for Road Building...
but I got laid off. They said the market for Steamrollers was flattening.
What exercise equipment does a koala use?
My girlfriend was infatuated with roofing equipment so I gave her an ultimatum: it's either me or the equipment.
What do you have to do to become a member of the Golf Equipment Repair Association?
Where did they keep the gym equipment at Hogwarts?
Behind the dumbbell door.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I visited a tennis equipment factory. The noise there was unbearable
They make a racket.
(Please no hate. Tennis jokes need love)
Did you hear about the surveyor that lost his equipment?
Now he just walks around aimlessly.
I’m really proud of my friend’s collection of acting equipment.
I was struggling to find a sale on boating equipment. Eventually I did find one.
What equipment did the Pink Panther need to run all of his guitars?
Ten amps. Ten amps. Ten amps, ten amps, ten amps, ten amps, ten aaammmps.
To the bastard who stole my limbo dancing equipment...
What do you call someone who really likes digitally storing music?
Audiofilephile.
What do you call a database of people who love sound equipment?
Audiophile file.
What do you call someone who loves a person who loves to store digitally storing music?
Audiofilephilephile.
If you’re trying to get a woman to notice you, then don’t buy any farming equipment.
It won’t be enough to a tractor attention.
This car comes fully equipped with two subwoofers.
Did you hear about the girl named after table tennis equipment?
My wife asked me to throw away all the broken electrical equipment
I used to work in a factory making tennis equipment, but I got tired of all the racket.
A guy signs up for the army and goes to get his equipment after he’s been processed.
When he gets to the place where he’s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him that he just ran out. “If you need to shoot just say ‘BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'” he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next area where he’s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. “If you need to stab someone just go, ‘STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'” he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its way to the front where there’s a battle raging on.
Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, “BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!” Amazingly, the enemy soldier drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, “STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, I’ve become unstoppable.
So when he sees his next foe way off in the distance, he shouts, “BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!” at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazed adversary next and goes “STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothing happens. “Why wont you drop?” the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down and responds, “TANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!”
In the future...
In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" 😂🤣
They’re building a park down the street from me that’s supposed to be done soon but they don’t have any playground equipment, trees, nothing.
They have a lot on their hands.
I was the solo support act for minor local rock group, 'Nothing'. My set went terribly. I was out of tune, really nervous, the equipment was failing too. The crowd began to boo and leave in droves.
I said, "you ain't seen Nothing yet!"
Which country has the most construction equipment?
Out of the blue, I decided to take my wife to a commercial establishment offering health and beauty treatment through such means as steam baths, exercise equipment, and massage
You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic
I read earlier that the zoo was installing an exercise equipment addition to the marine mammal exhibit to help make the animals stronger.
They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.
The tractor company's manure spreader is the only piece of equipment they won't stand behind.
I’m really proud of my friend’s collection of Hollywood acting equipments.
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