The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...

...they will be subma-weiners.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 104
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I won’t use just any equipment to play my guitar.

I’m very picky.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 584
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Masselein
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 09 2022
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We’ve been married 10 years and I just realized my wife knows nothing about me. I’m a musician but she thinks I produce sports equipment.

She says I’m always making a racket.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 114
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2022
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From late 1978 to early 1979, there were widespread sales of camping equipment in the UK

It was known as the Winter of Discount Tents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/parklife980
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2022
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My friend got hit on the head by a large piece of industrial lifting equipment.

He suffered crane damage

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BigJubby2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2022
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I used to live next door to a tennis equipment manufacturer

They made such a racket!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevindavis338
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2022
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I heard somebody having an argument with a piece of yard equipment.

He said the trimmer was out of line.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/roguekeychain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2022
🚨︎ report
This man in the gym just proposed and she said NO.

well, that didn't work out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ruchan10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2022
🚨︎ report
I showed up for my riding lesson, but some of the equipment was damaged.

I had to take a rein check.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Masselein
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2022
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What is the most advanced equipment in the kitchen?

The knife. It's cutting edge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Empty_Medicine1277
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2022
🚨︎ report
My sister sits on playground equipment and charges Β£5 for postcards of East Africa.

She sells Seychelles on the see-saw.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2022
🚨︎ report
My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment we're making German sausages...

...things have gone from bat to wurst.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 70
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2022
🚨︎ report
WIFE: (on important phone call from client) "Ah yes, cargo equipment".

Me: No! Car go bbrrrmmmmm!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/meyouwhoknew
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2022
🚨︎ report
Someone at the gym asked to share equipment

It all worked out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fidelholtz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2022
🚨︎ report
Why can't you let your Russian friends borrow construction equipment?

Because they won't be Putin U-kraine back where they got it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SleepiiFoxGirl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2022
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard ABBA have invested in military equipment.

TANK you for the music

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Historical_Date_1314
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife and daughters were getting ready for the school year, putting together class equipment and ask β€œDo we have a ruler?”

From another room I exclaim β€œI suppose the queen? But next Prince William”.

The groans were audible!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scorn1337
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you get when a Russian comes to close to your construction equipment?

Putin invades U-Crain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rifleman209
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2022
🚨︎ report
I didn’t think my new job mending camping equipment would be very exciting. But, guys…

It’s SEWIN’ TENTS!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Mounted some shelves today and each pair came with a full set of mounting equipment. This was just funny on multiple levels.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 230
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ookitarepanda
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A coffee shop mysteriously closed after reports of ghosts haunting their equipment...

You could say there was trouble brewing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oil_moon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What piece of lab equipment has the most education?

A graduated cylinder

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Le_Martian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2021
🚨︎ report
There's one species' ghost that can be seen without equipment, and it's bears

You have to look really hard though, they're bearly there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2021
🚨︎ report
At the Wal-Mart deli counter

True Story !

I overheard two Wal-Mart deli meat slicers talking about the bad slicer equipment while I was waiting for them to slice up my order. An older woman was using one of the slicers and apparently it had been problematic for some time. She is telling her younger, possibly late teens or early 20s aged co-worker about how she doesn't like to use that particular slicer. He responded back that he never uses it because of how broken it is, and then proceeds to give her suggestions on how to make it work. She tries furiously to slice the turkey and looks up and says, "UGH! This thing is the worst!!"

So I look at her and yelled "So, I guess it doesn't make the cut, huh?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FLAKMA
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do they called a massive piece of farming equipment a combine?

Because If they called it a potential arm ripper from the shoulder they would not sell many.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TRAKRACER
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The health clinic I went to said they didn’t have the equipment to treat me and they kicked me out.

They could have been more hospitable.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I prefer buying wireless equipment

When paying there are no strings attached

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CGBDragon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A lorry full of snooker equipment just crashed on the motorway...

Cues everywhere

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OliPark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently picked up a new hobby making tennis equipment

Unfortunately my wife made me stop after I started making a racket

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Testing talent show equipment
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The1WithNumbers
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of using surgical equipment to perform my circumcision, the doctor decided to go with a root vegetable.

It was only a partsnip.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A man was reported to have died under a tsunami of soap,

he wasn't equipped to handle the Tide.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SatisfactoryGrape
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Dogs, regardless of breed, cannot operate complex medical equipment?

Cats can.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to a HiFi store when I visited Tokyo. I tried playing some of my favourite songs on their equipment, but I couldn’t understand any of it

They were all non-English speakers

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Snowjoggs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...

It's big red flag

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iNova_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My dog was sitting on top of some sound equipment

It was a subwoofer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tee142002
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My eldest wanted to know why I wouldn't lend him any of my tools, but I let his younger brother, the prodigal son, borrow whatever equipment he wants.

Simple, I said, the prodigal son returns...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PTAwesome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?

Behind the Dumb-Bell door..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unholysifiman21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
As a courier, I regularly deliver golf equipment to the same guy.

You could say he's found the ideal driver.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
🚨︎ report
The other day I had to climb up some equipment at a cheese making factory.

I thought that it was strong enough to clamber up, but it ended up giving whey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/XOIIO
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
2 cows are in an police interview room accused of stealing dairy equipment

One cow says, it was the udder one

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bonnieblack100
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I sold my cleaning equipment.

It was just collecting dust.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AdeptCrow3733
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A good realtor is always equipped with a video camera.

It's how they get the square footage.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do serial killers get their equipment?

On Amazon Crime

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pwrd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report

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