The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...
...they will be subma-weiners.
I won’t use just any equipment to play my guitar.
We’ve been married 10 years and I just realized my wife knows nothing about me. I’m a musician but she thinks I produce sports equipment.
She says I’m always making a racket.
From late 1978 to early 1979, there were widespread sales of camping equipment in the UK
It was known as the Winter of Discount Tents.
My friend got hit on the head by a large piece of industrial lifting equipment.
I used to live next door to a tennis equipment manufacturer
I heard somebody having an argument with a piece of yard equipment.
He said the trimmer was out of line.
This man in the gym just proposed and she said NO.
well, that didn't work out.
I showed up for my riding lesson, but some of the equipment was damaged.
I had to take a rein check.
What is the most advanced equipment in the kitchen?
The knife.
It's cutting edge.
My sister sits on playground equipment and charges £5 for postcards of East Africa.
She sells Seychelles on the see-saw.
My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment we're making German sausages...
...things have gone from bat to wurst.
WIFE: (on important phone call from client) "Ah yes, cargo equipment".
Me: No! Car go bbrrrmmmmm!!
Someone at the gym asked to share equipment
Why can't you let your Russian friends borrow construction equipment?
Because they won't be Putin U-kraine back where they got it.
I’ve heard ABBA have invested in military equipment.
My wife and daughters were getting ready for the school year, putting together class equipment and ask “Do we have a ruler?”
From another room I exclaim “I suppose the queen? But next Prince William”.
The groans were audible!
What do you get when a Russian comes to close to your construction equipment?
I didn’t think my new job mending camping equipment would be very exciting. But, guys…
Mounted some shelves today and each pair came with a full set of mounting equipment. This was just funny on multiple levels.
A coffee shop mysteriously closed after reports of ghosts haunting their equipment...
You could say there was trouble brewing.
What piece of lab equipment has the most education?
There's one species' ghost that can be seen without equipment, and it's bears
You have to look really hard though, they're bearly there
At the Wal-Mart deli counter
True Story !
I overheard two Wal-Mart deli meat slicers talking about the bad slicer equipment while I was waiting for them to slice up my order. An older woman was using one of the slicers and apparently it had been problematic for some time. She is telling her younger, possibly late teens or early 20s aged co-worker about how she doesn't like to use that particular slicer. He responded back that he never uses it because of how broken it is, and then proceeds to give her suggestions on how to make it work. She tries furiously to slice the turkey and looks up and says, "UGH! This thing is the worst!!"
So I look at her and yelled "So, I guess it doesn't make the cut, huh?"
Why do they called a massive piece of farming equipment a combine?
Because If they called it a potential arm ripper from the shoulder they would not sell many.
The health clinic I went to said they didn’t have the equipment to treat me and they kicked me out.
They could have been more hospitable.
I prefer buying wireless equipment
When paying there are no strings attached
A lorry full of snooker equipment just crashed on the motorway...
I recently picked up a new hobby making tennis equipment
Unfortunately my wife made me stop after I started making a racket
Testing talent show equipment
Instead of using surgical equipment to perform my circumcision, the doctor decided to go with a root vegetable.
A man was reported to have died under a tsunami of soap,
he wasn't equipped to handle the Tide.
Did you know that Dogs, regardless of breed, cannot operate complex medical equipment?
I went to a HiFi store when I visited Tokyo. I tried playing some of my favourite songs on their equipment, but I couldn’t understand any of it
They were all non-English speakers
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
My dog was sitting on top of some sound equipment
My eldest wanted to know why I wouldn't lend him any of my tools, but I let his younger brother, the prodigal son, borrow whatever equipment he wants.
Simple, I said, the prodigal son returns...
Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?
Behind the Dumb-Bell door..
As a courier, I regularly deliver golf equipment to the same guy.
You could say he's found the ideal driver.
The other day I had to climb up some equipment at a cheese making factory.
I thought that it was strong enough to clamber up, but it ended up giving whey.
2 cows are in an police interview room accused of stealing dairy equipment
One cow says, it was the udder one
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
A good realtor is always equipped with a video camera.
It's how they get the square footage.
Where do serial killers get their equipment?
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