My boss asked me why I went to the gym to get office supplies

I told him that's where I get toner

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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We had a party for our office supplies today. We even invited the invisible ink.

It didn't show up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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What is the king of office supplies?

The ruler, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dracolytch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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What did they do when they caught the worker stealing office supplies?

They sent him to the PENitentiary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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A man gets a bunch of office supplies dropped on him. He yells:

Help! I’m under a tack!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetstream345
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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My buddy sells office supplies, label makers, and file cabinets to the Mafia.

He is involved in very organized crime.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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What's the difference between a cheetah and office supplies?

One is really fast and the other is stationery.

(I just thought of this one, but it probably already exists in some form because I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake)

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLivingExample
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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What is the most musical office supply?

A Rubber Band

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nd2819
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
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Office supplies are highly coveted..

Co-worker A: Hey, Co-worker B, do you have any push pins?

Co-worker B: Sure, but I'll have to charge you.

Me: Don't forget the tax!

The groaning started and I was confused at first, then it sunk in. Sometimes unintended puns are the best!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curzyk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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Office supply store joke of the day

[Customer walks into the store]

Me: "Good morning! Can I help you find anything today?"

Customer: "Yeah, do you guys have any mice?"

Me: "Yes, they're right over hβ€”"

Customer: "You should call an exterminator!"

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taraidaictyl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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A navy recruit has his first day on a submarine

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your postΒ to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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The Stock Market Movement

So there's two day traders looking at the commodity stocks for office supplies on their computer. "What's the movement on desks and chairs?" asks the first stockbroker.

"Um, that's moving up," says the second. "We should get into it."

"Okay what about stocks for desktop computers? Are they moving?" says the first.

"Yep, they're dropping," says the second. "We've got to sell that off."

"Okay what about paper? Is that moving?" says the first.

"Paper? No," says the second. "Paper is stationery."

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StreetfighterXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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He doesn't often make dad jokes, but when he does...

My dad helping me (sheltered 17yr old girl) move into my dorm freshman year of college, when I discover a box of condoms he packed in with my office supplies.

Me: Dad, what's this doing here?

Dad: Better safe than sorry, I want you to keep them just in case.

Me: (laughing) don't worry Dad, boys have cooties.

Dad: (serious) I know. That's what the condoms are for.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ms-morbid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine.... (apologies to u/buddybd)

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine…

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

β€œGo stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope.”

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

β€œSon I’m changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes.”

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He’s cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

β€œListen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters.”

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

β€œHey there,” says the recruit. β€œis it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven’t kept one position for more than 15 minutes!”

The crewman says β€œOh yeah- this sub is full of reposts.”

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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