Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?

He liked to drink risky on the woks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I just called up Gamestop consumer support.

They asked me to hold it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kishore05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
HOW DOES A FILE CONSUME MEMORY,IN TERA-BITES😁
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Manlybutterly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Texas Prisoner Found Dead After Consuming Smuggled Fish Eggs

He died on Death Roe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock

It was very time consuming lucky I went back for seconds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 300
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.

I keep a Heath Ledger

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?

He was gladiator already.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Shake well before consuming

Contents may have settled, started a family, and proliferated in the container.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Camo5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I need to eat all my spices before they go bad.

But it’s just thyme consuming

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GrabApprehensive
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the downside of eating a clock?

It's time consuming

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bridbirdbird
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Eating My Watch Was Time Consuming

Especially when I went back four seconds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VengefulVendetta
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.

It was too time consuming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 953
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bombsaway1083
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Relationships are like fat people....

Most of them don't work out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/remoonl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...

It's graze anatomy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If you consume pot brownies...

...does that make you a weedeater?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Algaean
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Do not consume if seal is broken
πŸ‘οΈŽ 82
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CREEPONATER
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate a watch the other day

It was time consuming. I ended up going back for seconds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/erajter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I'm shitting bricks to be honest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 186
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
i tried to eat a clock yesterday.

It was quite time consuming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/agumeis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Who can consume all of world's Petroleum?

Ameri Can.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Time consuming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Athu-Chan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Remember how Red Skull was being consumed by fire in the end of Captain America

Guess you could say he needed a fire HYDRAnt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/888prosperity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I brought home baby cow meat for the dog, which he ate, threw up, and re-consumed.

It was very re-veal-ing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
This sounds very time consuming, especially if they go for seconds. i.reddituploads.com/633d7…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 387
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheCats_Bananas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Eastern Europe produces a lot of techno, but it's primarily consumed by just one region:

Moravia

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OratioFidelis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry

It's time consuming

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a series of short strokes induced by consuming pizza?

Little Seizures

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Im_a_dum_bum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I eat a lot of salt, but the WHO suggests consuming 2,000 mg of sodium daily.

I don't know what a band knows about health, but I take it with a grain of salt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/berriobvious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock yesterday and it was very time consuming.

especially when I went for seconds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 129
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/John_Doez_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock....

It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Intellectual_chicken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming.

That is all. I'm sorry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhillLacio
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock it was very time consuming. I had to go back for seconds.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/epic420698
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I just ate a clock

It was very time consuming

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cuntillious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Last night I ate a clock

It was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ethereal_sandwich
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock

It was so good I went back for seconds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Boy, eating a clock is VERY time consuming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DankalorYT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very.... time consuming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rapidz-Infinity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chrrisrrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time consuming

Then I went back for seconds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 96
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JohnathanWickers
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time consuming

Specially when I went back for seconds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever ate a clock? I heard it’s very β€œTime Consuming.”
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChaseCeer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Confusing_Musings
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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