Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?

He was gladiator already.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember how Red Skull was being consumed by fire in the end of Captain America

Guess you could say he needed a fire HYDRAnt

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/888prosperity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I brought home baby cow meat for the dog, which he ate, threw up, and re-consumed.

It was very re-veal-ing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I'm shitting bricks to be honest.

πŸ‘︎ 192
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Eastern Europe produces a lot of techno, but it's primarily consumed by just one region:

Moravia

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OratioFidelis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The NFL discovered a way to tell if a quarterback has consumed too much alcohol.

They throw up.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bronsonaroberts
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies have shown meat is best consumed at a 45 degree angle

Hence the name "lean mince"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueMunch6754
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
There are countries where Shark meat is sold and consumed

Puts a whole new spin on "Man-eating Shark", doesn't it?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Limeth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Texas Prisoner Found Dead After Consuming Smuggled Fish Eggs

He died on Death Roe.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
HOW DOES A FILE CONSUME MEMORY,IN TERA-BITES😁
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manlybutterly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.

I keep a Heath Ledger

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Shake well before consuming

Contents may have settled, started a family, and proliferated in the container.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Camo5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating My Watch Was Time Consuming

Especially when I went back four seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VengefulVendetta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I ate a clock

It was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethereal_sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/remoonl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Cats are evil

But a dog will consume your sole

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shredbmc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?

"Do not consume if seal is broken."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djkress
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If you consume pot brownies...

...does that make you a weedeater?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Algaean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...

It's graze anatomy.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Who can consume all of world's Petroleum?

Ameri Can.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Do not consume if seal is broken
πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CREEPONATER
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Time consuming
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athu-Chan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the cannibal's wife do when he came home late for dinner?

She gave him the cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I eat a lot of salt, but the WHO suggests consuming 2,000 mg of sodium daily.

I don't know what a band knows about health, but I take it with a grain of salt.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berriobvious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrfantastic123r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a series of short strokes induced by consuming pizza?

Little Seizures

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_a_dum_bum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock yesterday and it was very time consuming.

especially when I went for seconds

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Doez_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock

It was so good I went back for seconds

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I ate a clock.

It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming.

That is all. I'm sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhillLacio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Confusing_Musings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to eat clocks

But it’s to time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock once

It didn’t taste too bad, but it was time consuming...

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

Don’t, it’s very time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaneisaperson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock...

It was pretty time consuming

(Let me know if this has been posted before and I will remove it)

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad-Bed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock it was very time consuming. I had to go back for seconds.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epic420698
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the downside to eating a clock?

It's time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcc98
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you eat a clock

It's very TIME CONSUMING

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamiraiBarry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock today

It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyPert
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally thought of a clock joke

It's about time

πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey guys I ate a clock

It was pretty time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SheerChair56470
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very.... time consuming
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rapidz-Infinity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever ate a clock? I heard it’s very β€œTime Consuming.”
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaseCeer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time consuming

Specially when I went back for seconds

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Boy, eating a clock is VERY time consuming
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DankalorYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report

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