There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. The real question is, how did they get in there?
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
I take pride in my stupid puns
My son asked me if he should take 120k in loans for an Egyptology degree.
I told him don't even sphinx about it
How many hispanics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why do people from West Russia take their time in the bathroom?
Because you don't wanna be Russian while European
You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?
How many disappointed dads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How would I know? You’ve made me the proudest dad alive.
When I was a poor, struggling actor, I had to take a job getting spanked in a BDSM film just to pay the rent...
...yes, I was really strapped for cash back then.
I was talking to my offspring about classes I wanted to take in the fall.
I said I wanted to take more programming classes because I really liked the one I took last year.
My offspring tells me they can't take any computer classes.
Confused, I asked why.
"Because I'm non-binary"
True story, happened last night. I have never been so proud.
Why can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark
because it doesn’t have flash
How many dancers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What do you call a comedy that takes place in multiple decades?
A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peak-a-boo accident?
Did you know you can hire a guide to take you through the labyrinth in sixty seconds?
Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
Why are there no Vampire stories that take place in Africa?
I thought about this for awhile, then it hit me that Vampires are weak to holy water. The rains are blessed down in Africa.
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
How do you take school pictures in 2020?
I met a creepy guy who forced me to take home a bunch of horses with swords in their mouths.
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
How many tickles does in take to make an octopus laugh?
Coding in binary takes a lot of effort.
You have to do it bit by bit.
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peek-A-Boo accident?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
LPT: A quick and easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Not mine: Where do you take someone injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
How many ravens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Where do you take someone who was injured in a peek-a-boo accident
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peekaboo accident?
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