Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.
But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.
because it's a late-text (latex)
Though I guess that's just a generalization.
You suppose something to be the case, without proof.
Because our family reunion was in April.
I guess it’s not for me to say
Ricist
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/front-range/arvada/arvada-man-knocked-out-by-lightning-while-videotaping-monday-nights-storm-from-inside-his-garage (video autoplays)
>His daughter Ileah heard the crash, ran over, and found her dad convulsing on the floor.
>"At first I thought he was joking, because that's the kind of person my dad is..."
Doctor Grant would have been proud. https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/a6a9170d54b98df4d8ef9f4f9c39b2ae/tumblr_inline_mlme68KRS11qz4rgp.gif
Assembling his cabinet
Because the tree barked first
"I'm looking for quite a big tub of hand gel," he said.
"Here's one," I showed him, "this is 250ml."
He said, "Wow, that's far too expensive."
Apparently his role was taken.
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
I just assume they all died from laughter.
I mean, I only told him I woke up with a little coffee.
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
So people would assume we had a fairly large fan base
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "
Because he couldn’t liquidate any assets.
Oh? You thought it was because he was short-handed? Wow. That’s what you get for assuming.
((My wife gets annoyed because when I ask a lighthearted question I always multiple replies ready to go; so, if she gets it right the first time I just redirect with a different reply. Keepin’ her on her toes!))
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major
Turns out that’s not what they meant when they called me un-savory.
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
He said, “Hey! How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
The media are calling him the Om Nom Nom de Plume.
He's great, as soon as I got home he made a bolt for the door.
Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.
So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.
However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?
Because 7 is a prime number and I assume they can be very intimidating
Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.
so here goes...
(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)
daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?
me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?
daughter: elizabeth-gramma.
me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?
(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)
daughter: don't know, who?
me: my mum.
(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)
"I'm a CASSSHHHEWWWW!"
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
I'm currently on volume 5
The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat!
Had good Special f(x) though
I sent him a “Get well soon” card
