The doctor said I should reduce my wine consumption...

After a test for my blood type came back as Cabern-A positive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I've reduced my wine consumption to just one glass before bed

I went to bed 7 times last night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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It's fascinating viewing the data over humanity's exponential consumption of lumber over time.

It is presented, of course, as a log log log.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NessaSola
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Doctor: I can’t find out what your problem is. It could be due to excess alcohol consumption.

Me: It’s okay. I can come back when you are sober.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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I can’t condone the consumption of dairy.

I was raised lactose intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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Despite much doubt concerning the legality of his excess consumption of Greek cuisine, it was indeed..

... fully lawful to feel awful after getting full off all that falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/filmmakersbleed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
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I'm working on a book about the dairy consumption of prehistoric creatures..

It's called "The Whey of the Dinosaur."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blanco4prez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2016
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Jesus was a heavy drinker...

It should come as no surprise that Jesus enjoyed his alcohol. It would be hard to imagine someone that can turn water into wine not having a problem. One day, Peter decided to say something.

"Jesus, we will follow you anywhere, but we are starting to get concerned about your alcohol consumption"

"Really? I don't see an issue, I rarely have any alcohol", He replied.

"Jesus, you are drinking right now" said Peter, pointing at the bottle in his hand.

Jesus looked at the bottle. "This? It is water, the color of the bottle just makes it look like wine"

But Peter knew better, and no matter how much Jesus tried to explain that it was just the look of the bottle, Peter knew that Jesus' argument did not hold water.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilkCanMatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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I'm a Dad. I rock this one constantly

Whenever I see something with an expiration date that has a ridiculous time a lotted for consumption I will say... For instance today is august 16,2013 If i buy cereal today that expires on november 2015 I will say "we have to hurry up and eat this by november 2015!" Hahaha...crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ron247365
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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Zebras

Was at dinner with my SO's parents tonight when the subject of exotic animal meat for consumption came up.

SO: I was hoping I could try Zebra while I was overseas last year but never got the chance.

SO's dad: yeah, I bet Zebra is chockfull of white meat, dark meat, white meat, dark meat, white meat....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefauxfinestfind
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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Doctor: I can’t seem to find what is wrong with you. But it could be the excess alcohol consumption.

Man: No worries. I’ll come back when you are sober.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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