A list of puns related to "Integrate"

One way to solve the current water shortage is to integrate all Amazon Prime accounts.

According to Calculus, we will get an Amazon, plus a sea.

I had a very good math teacher. He was an integral part of my life. It doesnβt add up that I canβt remember who he was.

He is a real Mister Riemann.

When God integrated Planet Earth, he didnβt forget his integral calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

A guy went to class on a test day dressed in a feline outfit; while his prof was blabbing about academic integrity the guy said ..

I'm not lion and won't be a cheetah

Vertical integration

They integrated that pun very well

I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

It was hard to differentiate between them.

You might think my calculus jokes are derivative, but theyβre an integral part of me.

2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7

But the odds were against them

Dominoes claims that they will remake your pizza for free, if your pizzas integrity has ever been comprised.

I guess if they can afford to this,then they must really be....

` rolling in the dough.`

They said Calculus would be integral to my education

but I found it a little derivative

I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.

It's an integral part of education.

I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.

There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

Only a fraction of people understand that joke.

I live near an atomic shelter and in my encounters with it, it never lied and always kept its word

Now that's what I call structural integrity

Facebook has over 2 billion users, That is as big as the whole of christianity, Forget that, it is bigger than hinduism and islam. Although facebookβs messenger is probably the worst.

What do you call a prostitute that shoots radio waves out of her nipples?

A Wi-Fi thotspot

Ζ(x)=e^x and Ζ(x)=ln(x) walk into a party.

ln(x) chats it up and has a great time, but e^x stands against a wall.

βWhat's the matter?β ln(x) asks e^x.

βI'm nervous about integrating,β replies e^x, shyly covering its face.

βOh, that's simple,β ln(x) replies. βJust be yourself.β

lol calculus

You know what would really lift my spirits these days?

If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

Little Johnny was going door to door asking his neighbors if they needed any yard work done.

When he got to old man Johnsonβs house the old man said βMy yard doesnβt need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. Iβll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown Iβll throw in a 50 dollar bonusβ.

With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.

Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnsonβs door to collect his hundred dollars.

βAll finished, thatβll be one hundred dollarsβ!

Noticing there wasnβt a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.

βNow little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porchβ?

βI sure am! Oh and by the way thatβs not a porch, itβs a Ferrariβ!

How do you recognize a nerdy mermaid?

She wears an algaebra.

My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He canβt seem to deal with the aftermath.

Why do racists hate the antiderivative?

Cuz they donβt wanna integrate!

Why can't I find any decimals around here?

I just don't see the point.

Being good at calculus in your later life is like...

...the after-math

What do you do if your friends are jerks?

You integrate them

Dad: you should really take a break from studying calculus all day...

....how can you even function ?

I'm disappointed in the the overuse of Dad jokes in today's society

We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We have to learn to follow them or we're doomed as a people, forever, however just like there are two butts in the word "assassin", there are two caveats to this dire situation with lessons learned from the best there is. One is the lesson we can take from Switzerland, I'm not entirely sure what makes them so good at integrating comedy into their lives, but their flag is a huge plus. The other is the lesson we can learn from farmers who know how to put what's important first, how to put in the effort into growing something, and they are always outstanding in their field. We get too caught up in standard modalities of thinking and none of us are totally all right, in fact most of us are at least close to half left. In closing, the absence of comedy when you really think about it, is fear. Fear of the ups and downs of life, much like a fear of elevators. And just like a fear of elevators, we all must take steps to avoid it. Thank you for your time.

Disappointed

Calculus professor asked why he should curve the grades to our test.

I said, "It's a calc class, I guess you could say **curves** are **integral** to our class."

Groans filled the room. I laughed hysterically.

exp(x) has a hard time socializing at parties.

Every time he tries to integrate, he ends up by himself.

We were learning Derivatives in Calculus, and my teacher said...

"Don't drink and Derive."

(Obviously not my OC.)

I'm from Mississippi and I was the only black kid in my Calculus 2 class

Seems like Mississippi still has a problem with

( β’_β’)

( β’_β’)>ββ -β

integration

(ββ _β )

A lot of my friends hate calculus.

But anti-derivatives are integral to our education.

Nerd-Dad Volley

I recently subscribed to this sub and it's my new favorite. I shamelessly stole the "tan line" joke for Facebook and a nerd volley with another dad ensued quickly.

Me: Wow, this warmer weather is getting me ready for spring. Hey, I'm already getting ready for summer, check out my tan line! <graph of tangent>

Him: It's certainly not a farmer's tan line...not straight enough.

Me: No farmer's life for me. It's not something I'd sine up for.

Him: ...and I wouldn't cosine your startup loan. (groan)

Me: Sheesh, there's no reason to be hyperbolic.

Him: I really must learn how to integrate all your math vocabulary into my daily life.

Me: You'd really have to think of some way to differentiate yours from mine.

Him: heh...maybe after I move to the delta and crawl under a natural log. I'm sorry, it just struck me that I'm acting the total asymptote.

Me: Ugh. The average of the posts in this thread is degenerating.

Him: We've traversed a slippery slope and while I don't mean to be mean we've gone way past the apex of this thread.

My wife: Nerds.

Me: You married me.

My friend was talking about Indian food

And she goes: "Rice is an integral ingredient in Indian cuisine"

So I answered "You really wouldn't wanna derive from it then, eh?"

The glare she gave me afterwards was priceless :)

Why was the misogynist bad at math.

He hated those integrals.

In math class today

My view on my sub-par math teacher completely changed today. Both ~~terrible~~ amazing jokes were said today to the same kid, Tom.

Incident #1:
Teacher: So how do you set up this integral?
Tom: *explains what numbers go where*
Teacher: Alright, and what are we integrating with respect to?
Tom: Y.
Teacher. Because I asked.

Incident #2:
Teacher: And so, what is the answer?
Tom: *gives answer*
Teacher: Are you sure?
Tom: Yes.
Teacher: Oh, I thought you were Tom.

I was literally the only person in our 10 person class who laughed at those.

Got my friends today in maths

We were wondering what the most advanced calculator was that we can still use in exams.

Our teacher showed us a calculator with a lot of advanced features (e.g. differentiation, integration, matrices) and said "You're allowed to use ones like these but I don't think you can have graphing calculators."

To which I said "So that's where they draw the line."

Coworker pulled a dad joke at the right time

After running diagnostics on a clients computer it comes back with a RAM integrity error.

One coworker says its a lying cheating stick of RAM

another one says It may be lying and cheating... but come November I'm voting for it.

I dont even think my maths teacher is a dad.

I was in maths today doing some further integration and complained about doing the trapezium rule again. He simply said 'Yeah the trapezium rule has its ups and downs.'

Of course i was the only one who laughed

When God was integrating Planet Earth, he suddenly recalled his Calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

When God integrated Planet Earth, he didnβt forget his calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated next to two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

Not-really-new but improved calculus joke

f(x)=e^x and f(x)=ln(x) walk into a party. After a while, ln(x) is chatting everyone up and having a great time, while e^x is leaning on the wall and sulking. ln(x) asks eΛ£ what's wrong, and e^x says βI'm nervous about integrating.β ln(x) replies: βOh, it's simple, just be yourself and see.β

Calculus:

An integral part of mathematics

Calculus...

It's an *integral* part of a mathematics education.

My math teacher is undoubtedly a dad.

Teacher: Alright, so are we integrating this with repect to x or y?

Class: y.

Teacher: Because I asked you!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.