if someone drinks the same tea every day with no interest in trying any new blends

they don't steep around

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/santagrandpa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What's a pirate's favourite blend of tea?

Yerba matey

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How do camels blend in?

With camel-flage

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/drcharmeleon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a fish wear when he wants to blend in?

A gillie suit.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ‘€︎ u/VividDreamerzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
An I for an E makes the whole world go blend
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
This cat trying to blend in as a cactus. In other words a catcus [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you tried the new Sith Blend Roast Coffee?

It’s pretty good but it’s a bit on the dark side.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/FetusPicatta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was in the army, our captain told us to dress as water dwelling birds, make quaking noises and just recline lazily in order to blend into the environment. But I doubted how effective that would be.

I was sure we’d be sitting ducks.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiwicanary
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do animals blend into the desert?

With camel-flage

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Renfrief
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to get better at making jokes from blending words together, but all my attempts turn out bad

Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/gramineous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
From my 8 year old: Dad, how do camels hide from predators?

Me: Their fur is the same color as the desert so they blend in.

Her: Exactly! They camel-flage!

I walked right into that one lol

πŸ‘︎ 305
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshuaquiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
While blending home cooked baby food for my 5 month old this morning I turned to my wife and said,

β€œI’ve done it! I’ve accomplished whirled peas!”

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a unicorn?

A horse that wears corn on cob on its head in order to blend in with the other magical horses.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Pizza Cheese

My friend just told me that pizza restaurants’ mozzarella is actually blended with provolone to make it more affordable and my only response was

β€œThey cut the cheese?!”

And I’ve been laughing hysterically at my own joke for 10 minutes

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/papermoonfortune
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just blended some carrot juice...

Me - "Hey Kids! Want some fresh, orange, juice?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rex_Mundi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Blended families are tough imgur.com/0Rh4BgN
πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm having trouble blending in with the reddit community. Any tips?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/rb612
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
🚨︎ report
A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't tell if I like this blender

It keeps giving me mixed results.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/drawsprocket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
🚨︎ report
A man is auditioning for a role in an opera production the local opera company is putting on.

He's been practicing for this role for months. He goes down to the opera house on the day of the audition, only to find he's come down with a sore throat and can't hit his notes anymore. In a panic, he asks one of the directors if they can postpone his audition.

"I'm sorry," says the director, "but we can't delay an audition for just one performer. That would set a bad precedent. Instead, I'll let you in on a little opera house secret." The director pours the man a cup of warm, smelly liquid. "Drink this. It's a special tea to help your throat. The recipe has been passed down for decades in this opera company, and I guarantee it will make you able to sing again."

The man wrinkles up his nose and takes a swig. "Euch! This is... awful! What's in this tea anyways?"

"Well, it's a secret herbal tea blend made with... well... fish broth." The director replies. "Tuna, specifically. We've found it helps soothe the throat better than any other fish we've tried."

Sure enough the man is able to sing again! He hits all his notes and gives an exemplary performance.

At the end of the auditions, he finds the director that gave him the tea. "So... what did you think? Did I get the part or not?" He asks.

"I'm sorry," said the director, "you performed well, but we've decided to give the part to someone else."

"That's OK," the man says, "I'm just really grateful for the Opera-Tuna-Tea."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/kojo2047
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Everybody, meet Darko.

Darko is my incredibly foreign dad (yes - that's his real name). This subreddit should expect many lame jokes from him.

It was a Saturday morning and I was enjoying my day of sleeping in after a tiring week of school. Darko rushes into my room and shakes me awake with a look of epiphany on his face.

> Me: "Ughh, what is it, dad?"

> Darko: "I was making breakfast when I realized something... If tomatoes are considered fruit... then shouldn't ketchup be called a smoothie?"

...was the joke really worth waking me up, dad. Was it.

Edit: Formatting

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad nearly made me and mom choke on our coffee

Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?

So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.

Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."

Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."

Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."

Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."

Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."

Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/robowiizard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I dad joked my manager. .

I work at a pet store and our order of reptiles came in...

Me: I soaked the new guys and put em in there habitats.

Manager: how are they looking?

Me: Good but there's something about the new chameleon.. he might be a problem

Manager: Whats wrong with him?

Me: I don't trust him, he's got shifty eyes

Manager: Oh god, go get ready for the cricket shipment please.

Edit: wall of text

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joeymuerte
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
🚨︎ report
New mixer for my DJ Setup imgur.com/ty4MMN4
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxymoron7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
My cousin looks like he has no chin

We were making fun of my cousin because it looks like he doesn't have a chin, it blends with his neck. His dad has the same thing.

I told him "I guess you have your dad's Chinetics" and my cousin asked me to see myself out the door.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/spicyitallian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Took my wife to Panera Bread for lunch...

Me: what is that in your salad, quinoa?

Wife: Some sort of ancient grain blend.

Me: I thought they only used fresh ingredients?

Wife: rolls eyes...

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/zrockstar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my wife while potty training our daughter.

My daughter tried to go poop today for the first time on the potty. It didn't go well. There was "one that got away" if you know what I mean. She got excited and ran out of the bathroom without being properly cleaned up. It ended up on the rug in her room (she has a brown and green rug so it blended right in) and my wife found it by stepping on it. I had to run to the store to get some carpet cleaner. I get home and she has it mostly cleaned up. This is where it starts: Wife: I got most of it out already. Me: Ok. I'll get the rest with the cleaner. Wife: I scrubbed it pretty good for like twenty minutes. Me: To get it that clean, I thought it would have taken about turd-y minutes. She groaned and my son and I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/ibs2pid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
🚨︎ report
My sister just cracked an excellent dad joke

We're watching the episode of The Walking Dead where the characters dress up in zombie guts and chunks to blend in with the zombies.

My sister goes "it must take a lot of guts to do that!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/mollypaget
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
🚨︎ report
My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Just went and got some coffee...

Went to starbucks to get coffee refill... Wanted the tribute blend, asked for the Katniss Everdeen blend.

I laughed

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonramz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.