While blending home cooked baby food for my 5 month old this morning I turned to my wife and said,

β€œI’ve done it! I’ve accomplished whirled peas!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I'm having trouble blending in with the reddit community. Any tips?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rb612
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
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My girlfriend is addicted to making her own tea blends...

I think she may have multiple personal tea disorder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Architecture128
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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How do camels blend in?

With camel-flage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drcharmeleon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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This cat trying to blend in as a cactus. In other words a catcus [OC]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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What does a fish wear when he wants to blend in?

A gillie suit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VividDreamerzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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An I for an E makes the whole world go blend
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Have you tried the new Sith Blend Roast Coffee?

It’s pretty good but it’s a bit on the dark side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FetusPicatta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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When I was in the army, our captain told us to dress as water dwelling birds, make quaking noises and just recline lazily in order to blend into the environment. But I doubted how effective that would be.

I was sure we’d be sitting ducks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiwicanary
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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My wife just blended some carrot juice...

Me - "Hey Kids! Want some fresh, orange, juice?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rex_Mundi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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How do animals blend into the desert?

With camel-flage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Renfrief
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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Blended families are tough imgur.com/0Rh4BgN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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I can't tell if I like this blender

It keeps giving me mixed results.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drawsprocket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
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I dad joked my manager. .

I work at a pet store and our order of reptiles came in...

Me: I soaked the new guys and put em in there habitats.

Manager: how are they looking?

Me: Good but there's something about the new chameleon.. he might be a problem

Manager: Whats wrong with him?

Me: I don't trust him, he's got shifty eyes

Manager: Oh god, go get ready for the cricket shipment please.

Edit: wall of text

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joeymuerte
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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A man is auditioning for a role in an opera production the local opera company is putting on.

He's been practicing for this role for months. He goes down to the opera house on the day of the audition, only to find he's come down with a sore throat and can't hit his notes anymore. In a panic, he asks one of the directors if they can postpone his audition.

"I'm sorry," says the director, "but we can't delay an audition for just one performer. That would set a bad precedent. Instead, I'll let you in on a little opera house secret." The director pours the man a cup of warm, smelly liquid. "Drink this. It's a special tea to help your throat. The recipe has been passed down for decades in this opera company, and I guarantee it will make you able to sing again."

The man wrinkles up his nose and takes a swig. "Euch! This is... awful! What's in this tea anyways?"

"Well, it's a secret herbal tea blend made with... well... fish broth." The director replies. "Tuna, specifically. We've found it helps soothe the throat better than any other fish we've tried."

Sure enough the man is able to sing again! He hits all his notes and gives an exemplary performance.

At the end of the auditions, he finds the director that gave him the tea. "So... what did you think? Did I get the part or not?" He asks.

"I'm sorry," said the director, "you performed well, but we've decided to give the part to someone else."

"That's OK," the man says, "I'm just really grateful for the Opera-Tuna-Tea."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kojo2047
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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Dad nearly made me and mom choke on our coffee

Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?

So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.

Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."

Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."

Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."

Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."

Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."

Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robowiizard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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Everybody, meet Darko.

Darko is my incredibly foreign dad (yes - that's his real name). This subreddit should expect many lame jokes from him.

It was a Saturday morning and I was enjoying my day of sleeping in after a tiring week of school. Darko rushes into my room and shakes me awake with a look of epiphany on his face.

> Me: "Ughh, what is it, dad?"

> Darko: "I was making breakfast when I realized something... If tomatoes are considered fruit... then shouldn't ketchup be called a smoothie?"

...was the joke really worth waking me up, dad. Was it.

Edit: Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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My cousin looks like he has no chin

We were making fun of my cousin because it looks like he doesn't have a chin, it blends with his neck. His dad has the same thing.

I told him "I guess you have your dad's Chinetics" and my cousin asked me to see myself out the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spicyitallian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
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New mixer for my DJ Setup imgur.com/ty4MMN4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxymoron7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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Took my wife to Panera Bread for lunch...

Me: what is that in your salad, quinoa?

Wife: Some sort of ancient grain blend.

Me: I thought they only used fresh ingredients?

Wife: rolls eyes...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zrockstar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
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Got my wife while potty training our daughter.

My daughter tried to go poop today for the first time on the potty. It didn't go well. There was "one that got away" if you know what I mean. She got excited and ran out of the bathroom without being properly cleaned up. It ended up on the rug in her room (she has a brown and green rug so it blended right in) and my wife found it by stepping on it. I had to run to the store to get some carpet cleaner. I get home and she has it mostly cleaned up. This is where it starts: Wife: I got most of it out already. Me: Ok. I'll get the rest with the cleaner. Wife: I scrubbed it pretty good for like twenty minutes. Me: To get it that clean, I thought it would have taken about turd-y minutes. She groaned and my son and I laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibs2pid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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My sister just cracked an excellent dad joke

We're watching the episode of The Walking Dead where the characters dress up in zombie guts and chunks to blend in with the zombies.

My sister goes "it must take a lot of guts to do that!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mollypaget
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Just went and got some coffee...

Went to starbucks to get coffee refill... Wanted the tribute blend, asked for the Katniss Everdeen blend.

I laughed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonramz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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