Alrighty Almighty
She made a right hash of it.
Red Croissant
It was riveting.
A Bowl.
He's got a real Devil-make-air attitude.
I guess it's true what they say -- he who acetates is lost.
It's a new addition.
Confusion
Their calling the ship The Apollo-G!
A slowpoke!
*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here
A rash of good luck.
I call it LETTER RIP
Police say he will be bailed out tomorrow.
I wasn't going to go, but he twisted my arm
Tellulater.
I had to pull of the road to post this cause I’ve been laughing at myself for the last 5 miles.
A spaghetto.
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
Frostbite
It will be called FroYo Information.
Stagnant water.
We prefer the term "alt-write"
Amazon Prime
She lost 120 lbs.
This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.
I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.
As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say: Winnie the Poop Winnie the Pooh...P Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P And your kids will laugh just as hard.
I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.
Enjoy
Apple Crumble and Finch
A megawatt.
The Pot Thickens..
It was as big as the last two combined!
A Perry Comover
No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".
I hope you have a nice day!
P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
Sven went up to the barn and said "Ole, I see da sign in your yard. All you have is a tractor and a combine". Ole said "Yep, and der boat for sale!"
Communication is key
Attract her.
Jurassic Pork.
- Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea . You're running but you don't know where .
But then I'd have to kill you.
It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.
It’s called ABBA-Cadabra.
Waka Flocka Seagulls.
It’ll be a catastrophe.
I call it Letter Rip.
I call it "Letter Rip."
