My coworker brought some vegetables to snack on during work, and he didn’t offer me any

It’s like he didn’t even carrot all

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/excusetheblood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got a job offer at a thyme factory

It's seasonal

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Guys, I just got a new career offer!

It’s at the spice factory, which is great. The best part about it is that it’s a seasonal job. Heh. Heh.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MTBCardBear4211
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?

The Colonel of Truth

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CopsaLau
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lizdated
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If a guy ever offers to give you a Cocker Spaniel ...

...I suggest you just take the Spaniel.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got a great offer on Pritt Stick for celiacs...

Buy nine glues, get gluten free...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Good offer
πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_new_mr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you do if Russia's president offers you tea?

Never drink it. You never know what he putin there.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BOTROLLWOW
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
"We're here to offer support, not to grill you," they said at my review meeting.

"Like a bra, not a braai"

  • Based on true events. I had to stop myself from blurting that out.

  • Thanks to u/rumbustiousben for reminding me that not everyone knows what a braai is - it's a barbecue in Afrikaans and commonly used as part of English by South Africans

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcsoon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
College offers some questionable class choices, but o you know which one is the most sketchy?

Art class: Pencil Drawing 101

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...

C

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A man just made me an offer to buy speakers with no volume controls.

I couldn't turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...

apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sludgemonkey01
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Samus reject the offer?

It didn’t match her Crateria.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tentacle-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
"What can you offer this restaraunt as the new food runner?"

"Well, I bring a lot to the table for starters.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwrestledmeonce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.

Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derkus19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you offer calamari for a favor?

Squid pro quo

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?

There wasn't mush-room to grow there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the Mandalorian say when he offers you a protein drink?

This is the whey

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Batman say when the waiter offers him water at a restaurant?

β€œI’ll have just ice”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dylanor11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.

Man: β€œFor my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: β€œAlright Rich, what's your second wish".

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man reject the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_i_k_i
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...

He was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say when someone offers you a seat?

Thanks for your chair-ity

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He really couldn’t see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waddoheck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a bit steep for me, but my offer was too low for him.

In the end we split the deferens.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnochChell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down

The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrokinSkywalker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I once got a job offer to work at a tennis sporting goods store.

But it was just a racket. 😞

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demaionewton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My son and I went to a new Vietnamese restaurant that offers herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup. When they brought our order, I said…

"Look, thyme fries when you’re having pho!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offer to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mpmellor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I just bought a case of dynamite. It was an offer I couldn't re-fuse.

Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this to blow up

πŸ‘︎ 396
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?

Tea, Rex?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I once thought I had so much to offer that I thought about becoming...

an auctioneer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say when someone offers you a hot dog, but you don't want it?

No Franks

EDIT: Wow! Thanks guys! One thousand up-votes is crazy for my first submission on reddit. My dad told me this joke while we were grocery shopping.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0w
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
🚨︎ report
I was sad they didn't offer mortician degrees in colleges anymore

When I asked why, they said.

"It's a dying trade".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I just accepted a job offer at a dairy company

My dad sent me 3 texts

It appears that you are mooooooving on. I hope you milk all you can out of this experience. Cow are you feeling about this job change?

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tessifer_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He just couldn’t see himself doing it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MynameisMatlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aplay1
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shirul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Invisible Man Job Offer

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldnt see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liglogs492
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Because he couldn’t see himself doing it

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idk-a-username_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He just couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rivercitytees
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Because he couldn’t see himself doing it

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paisleywaisley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report

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