Good offer
πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_new_mr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
College offers some questionable class choices, but o you know which one is the most sketchy?

Art class: Pencil Drawing 101

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He just couldn’t see himself doing it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MynameisMatlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...

C

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
A man just made me an offer to buy speakers with no volume controls.

I couldn't turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...

apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sludgemonkey01
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Why did Samus reject the offer?

It didn’t match her Crateria.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tentacle-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
"What can you offer this restaraunt as the new food runner?"

"Well, I bring a lot to the table for starters.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwrestledmeonce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you offer calamari for a favor?

Squid pro quo

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.

Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derkus19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What dinosaur offers you their sisters clothes?

"try Sarah's tops"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the Mandalorian say when he offers you a protein drink?

This is the whey

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?

There wasn't mush-room to grow there.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...

He was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man reject the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/v_i_k_i
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He really couldn’t see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waddoheck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say when someone offers you a seat?

Thanks for your chair-ity

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down

The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrokinSkywalker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.

Man: β€œFor my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: β€œAlright Rich, what's your second wish".

πŸ‘︎ 208
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My son and I went to a new Vietnamese restaurant that offers herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup. When they brought our order, I said…

"Look, thyme fries when you’re having pho!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I once got a job offer to work at a tennis sporting goods store.

But it was just a racket. 😞

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demaionewton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a bit steep for me, but my offer was too low for him.

In the end we split the deferens.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnochChell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offer to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mpmellor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?

Tea, Rex?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I once thought I had so much to offer that I thought about becoming...

an auctioneer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I just bought a case of dynamite. It was an offer I couldn't re-fuse.

Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this to blow up

πŸ‘︎ 396
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I was sad they didn't offer mortician degrees in colleges anymore

When I asked why, they said.

"It's a dying trade".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Writing a paper on whether the Categorical Imperative and Rule Utilitarianism are functionally different and which offers a better understanding of morality...

...and right now, I literally Kant even.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I just accepted a job offer at a dairy company

My dad sent me 3 texts

It appears that you are mooooooving on. I hope you milk all you can out of this experience. Cow are you feeling about this job change?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tessifer_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If you offer money for calamari

is that considered to be squid pro quo?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shahooster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you say when someone offers you a hot dog, but you don't want it?

No Franks

EDIT: Wow! Thanks guys! One thousand up-votes is crazy for my first submission on reddit. My dad told me this joke while we were grocery shopping.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0w
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Airlines always ask chicken or fish, when will they offer pork?

When pigs fly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark5301
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of help do alligators offer?

Gator-aid

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourafyouruse
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad Puts an offer for a Washer/Dryer
πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRainwater
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
🚨︎ report
They Were Given an Offer They Couldn't Refuse in Landscaping
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Aggort
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Reddit should offer a Reddit Cocaine membership...

I'd likely subscribe to it one time and realize it is not all that it is cracked up to be.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I had an offer to invest in a diaper company. But I refused.

Seemed like a pretty crappy business to me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HisAnteater2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
If a Vienamese human trafficking ring offers one of their captives as the prize of a contest..

is that a win Nguyen scenario?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy offers 2 crisp packets a lift

They say no thanks, we're Walkers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanadianCacon
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the arts and crafts store offer to people with celiac disease?

A glue 10 free coupon

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_iz_smrt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
I heard of an offer at my local chip shop where they give you one chip, a drop of vinegar and five hundred pounds cash for free, no questions asked...

I thought "I'll take that with a grain of salt."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
🚨︎ report
A friend offers you a ride, but you have to ride bitch
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunnyAfternoon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
🚨︎ report
What does a pirate always offer to bring to a party?

Da-balloons!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xavimoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I just got a job offer to be a medieval escort.

Unfortunately, it means I have to work fucking knights.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaingunXD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said a job with the alcohol distributor offers a lot of advancement opportunities...

You might even say the SKYY is the limit.

I'll see myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiofett
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Cheap prostitutes offer more bang for your buck.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenonpulse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2014
🚨︎ report
I got an offer for an interview at T-Mobile....

Mom: what would you do if you got the job there?

Me: Cell phones

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My friend offers a no bake cookie he made

Friend: Does anyone want a no bake cookie?

Me: Sure (eats cookie).

Friend: How do they taste?

Me: Ehh... They seem a little undercooked.

Commence groans.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fauxhawkism
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I thought I heard all the jokes my dad had to offer. I was very wrong.

My dad and I went hunting last weekend, and we were staying in one of the campers that we have up there, but it had no running water at the time so if you had to pee you had to go out side.

Me:"I'm going to go take a leak, I'll be right back."

Dad: "Just leave it out there. "

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Just leave the leak out there, you don't have to bring it back."

Me: groan

He starts laughing hysterically and his hunting buddies, who are his age and have kids, are all laughing just as hard as he is.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's response to my moms offer of a smoothie.

"You didn't make me a roughy?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayHiToYourMomma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time the cashier offers..

Walking through the checkout with my G/F and her parents.

Cashier: "That will be $5.50, Would you like a bag?"

Dad: "Nah, I've already got one" *Winks at G/F's Mum.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsomniacsDream
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad offers a good one next time you put your car in the shop...

If you go to one of those shops where they offer to "top off all your fluids" here's something you dads can use. Dad: calls auto shop Yea I'd like to call and complain Shop owner: Yes sir, what's the problem? Dad: Well, I put my car in your shop today and you offered to top off ALL my fluids. Well you didn't. Shop owner: I'm sorry sir, what did we miss? Dad: I still have half a tank of gas! So you didn't top off all my fluids! insert facepalm here

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuneralShadow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aplay1
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shirul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldnt see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Liglogs492
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Invisible Man Job Offer

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Because he couldn’t see himself doing it

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idk-a-username_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He just couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rivercitytees
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Because he couldn’t see himself doing it

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paisleywaisley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer ?

Because he just couldn't see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathEater101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Winger910
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report

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