My coworker brought some vegetables to snack on during work, and he didnβt offer me any
Itβs like he didnβt even carrot all
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Just got a job offer at a thyme factory
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
Guys, I just got a new career offer!
Itβs at the spice factory, which is great. The best part about it is that itβs a seasonal job. Heh. Heh.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
What do you call a senior-ranked military officer who offers nuggets of factual wisdom?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldnβt see himself doing it.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
If a guy ever offers to give you a Cocker Spaniel ...
...I suggest you just take the Spaniel.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
I've got a great offer on Pritt Stick for celiacs...
Buy nine glues, get gluten free...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Good offer
π︎ 148
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
What should you do if Russia's president offers you tea?
Never drink it. You never know what he putin there.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
"We're here to offer support, not to grill you," they said at my review meeting.
"Like a bra, not a braai"
-
Based on true events. I had to stop myself from blurting that out.
-
Thanks to u/rumbustiousben for reminding me that not everyone knows what a braai is - it's a barbecue in Afrikaans and commonly used as part of English by South Africans
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
College offers some questionable class choices, but o you know which one is the most sketchy?
Art class: Pencil Drawing 101
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
A man just made me an offer to buy speakers with no volume controls.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 31 2020
Why did Samus reject the offer?
It didnβt match her Crateria.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
"What can you offer this restaraunt as the new food runner?"
"Well, I bring a lot to the table for starters.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. Iβm MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.
Sorry Iβm advance if this isnβt allowed.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 04 2019
What do you call it when you offer calamari for a favor?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?
There wasn't mush-room to grow there.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
What does the Mandalorian say when he offers you a protein drink?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 14 2019
What does Batman say when the waiter offers him water at a restaurant?
βIβll have just iceβ
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 29 2019
A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.
Man: βFor my first wish I'd like to be rich."
Genie: βAlright Rich, what's your second wish".
π︎ 204
π
︎ Sep 04 2018
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 05 2019
What do you say when someone offers you a seat?
Thanks for your chair-ity
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 24 2019
The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a bit steep for me, but my offer was too low for him.
In the end we split the deferens.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Mar 17 2019
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down
The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
I once got a job offer to work at a tennis sporting goods store.
But it was just a racket. π
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 02 2019
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly sheβs not your friend anymore.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
My son and I went to a new Vietnamese restaurant that offers herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup. When they brought our order, I saidβ¦
"Look, thyme fries when youβre having pho!"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 14 2019
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offer to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jun 10 2019
I just bought a case of dynamite. It was an offer I couldn't re-fuse.
Update: Wow, I really didn't expect this to blow up
π︎ 396
π
︎ Jan 23 2018
How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 19 2019
I once thought I had so much to offer that I thought about becoming...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 29 2019
What do you say when someone offers you a hot dog, but you don't want it?
No Franks
EDIT: Wow! Thanks guys! One thousand up-votes is crazy for my first submission on reddit. My dad told me this joke while we were grocery shopping.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 23 2014
I was sad they didn't offer mortician degrees in colleges anymore
When I asked why, they said.
"It's a dying trade".
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 06 2019
I just accepted a job offer at a dairy company
My dad sent me 3 texts
It appears that you are mooooooving on.
I hope you milk all you can out of this experience.
Cow are you feeling about this job change?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Apr 05 2018
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He just couldnβt see himself doing it
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldnβt see himself doing it.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 18 2020
Why did the invisible man reject the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He really couldnβt see himself doing it.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Sep 29 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 11 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldnβt see himself doing it!
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jun 26 2019
Invisible Man Job Offer
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Apr 10 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldnt see himself doing it.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 24 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldnβt see himself doing it
π︎ 46
π
︎ Apr 08 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He just couldn't see himself doing it.
π︎ 69
π
︎ May 19 2018
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldnβt see himself doing it
π︎ 69
π
︎ Apr 03 2018
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