Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
He hopes to make a bundle!
I guess it was open prawn surgery
Some of them might be sharp.
You have to bee prepared.
They're prone to quacking.
Because they can always rebound
She told me "I think he is ofishally dead."
Basically set decoration, we had a small crew. A lot of the actors and the rest of the crew were confused who was in charge of those items. Luckily, Jason was a reliable, honest guy. In fact, he was one of the most honest, dependable people I knew on set.
So that evening before we had dinner together, I called Jason to the center, and thanked him for the quality of work that he'd put out so far, and I said "Props to Jason."
"Man, it would be so boring to work there...but I'm sure it has its ups and downs!"
"Just remember: whenever you're in a tight spot and don't know what to do, ask yourself: What Would Scooby Doo?" I groaned loudly in response and he giggled to himself for a good 3 minutes.
She was hauling adze!
I was appalled.
Now I have no control over my relationship.
Did you know that NASA sent a chicken to the moon?
You remember the a pollo missions.
I got stuck.
When the package came....the box was empty.
I said she'll look stupid without any ears 👂
A cycle path.
It’s just two in tents.
It's their favorite roll playing game.
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
they can't handle their boos.
"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"16!"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
Me: I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Teenager: (Sarcastic) And aren't you proud of it?
Me: Flushed with success.
I heard my girlfriend from the kitchen say "Ow!"
I walked in and said "what happened?"
She said pointed to a drawer handle and said "I knee'd this"
I said, "Well, I can get you more"
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
It makes them easy to Moooo've
But I handled the situation.
You need to let that mango.
Much much me me me me handle handle
Because it was soda-pressing.
@mustfear
edit : thisnisna dad joke. not intended as an actual twitter handle search.
They quack under pressure
We opened for The Doors
...but I got a new one and I think I handled it well.
I think i might have put the BAR too high
When im done i will let out a PSIgh of relief
