I can’t handle going camping with my friend anymore...
My kids keep playing with my love handles
It's their favorite roll playing game.
If you're a flapjack and you need to go pee you maple the 3rd handle
I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Me: I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Teenager: (Sarcastic) And aren't you proud of it?
Me: Flushed with success.
My girlfriend hit her knee on a drawer handle
I heard my girlfriend from the kitchen say "Ow!"
I walked in and said "what happened?"
She said pointed to a drawer handle and said "I knee'd this"
I said, "Well, I can get you more"
Milking stools have a handle
It makes them easy to Moooo've
let me tell you the twitter handle of a horror company out of this world
@mustfear
edit : thisnisna dad joke. not intended as an actual twitter handle search.
I cant handle how sharp this is.
My son can’t handle my jokes
My favorite ax handle broke and I was very upset...
...but I got a new one and I think I handled it well.
Looks like my door couldn't handle it
A bag couldn’t handle the heavy weight
Ducks really cannot handle being stressed out
They quack under pressure
I used to have a handle on life
I was going to tell a joke about bicycle tires, but i couldnt handle the preasure
I think i might have put the BAR too high
When im done i will let out a PSIgh of relief
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking
My doctor told me I can't handle the truth
My friend is always bragging about his woodworking tool like an axe but with the cutting edge perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.
I took my son to the bar on his 21st birthday. I found out he couldn’t handle his liquor.
It kept running through his hands.
I had my front door replaced with a door entirely made out of chocolate with a ganache handle and caramel accents.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet.
I really don’t have a handle on things right now.
What does a lawyer wear in court to handle evidence after dark?
I don't know if you can HANDle this
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
My back is in pain but I can handle it.
I knew there was something odd about this ball, I just couldn't get a handle on it...
People say I have a drinking problem but it's ok I have a handle on it.
My son can fix all your plumbing, bring your electrical up to code and handle any framing or carpentry you could imagine
Guy who designed first handles....
....opened doors to a lot of opportunities.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
How do you handle a redhead's temper?
I physic-ally can't handle this joke
What do you call a patient that handles their physical therapy like it’s a cake walk?
I bought a self-help book online, called "How to Handle Disappointment".
When the package arrived it was empty. They also charged me twice.....lesson learned.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
Lactose Intolerant people don’t handle some jokes well.....
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
I used to handle injection molds at the keyboard plant.
They fired me when I lost control.
I recently watched a documentary about door handles.
My Australian friend was told he may no longer handle marsupials...
I guess you could say he has been dis-koala-fied.
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