A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin.
I told him that's the last thing I need.
The deal has been sealed.
How does a mathematician deal with constipation?
He works it out with a pencil.
What did the kernel of corn say to the other after they sealed the deal?
“I guess it’s kettled then!”
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.
It's just water under the fridge.
What tool would deal best with a traumatic event?
I made a documentary film about people who look for deals at thrift stores.
It's called Goodwill Hunting.
Confusing Venus with Aphrodite is no big deal.
It’s just a mythunderstanding.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
I asked my wife “What’s it like having to deal with periods?”
She said “I just go with the flow”.
Saw a deal earlier to stay on a canal boat but I was worried about covid situation
There's bound to be a lock down there
Why is a broken pickaxe not a big deal?
Its just a miner problem.
You know what's the big deal?
I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
I can get you a great deal on cremation services....
My wife thinks I compulsively buy tools. I tell her it's really not a big deal....
Man was selling a really nice JBL speaker for just $1! Said the volume was stuck at max volume permanently. But what a deal!
How could I turn that down!?
What do you call a doctor who also deals with cars ?
What's the deal with those people who take care of chickens?
What’s the deal with people who get fired from the U.S. Mint?
None of them make cents anymore!
I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal
I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
It’s really been a great cake day
Where does captain hook get good deals on used prosthetics?
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. It’s going to be called Paw Petrol.
I saw a great deal online for a 'Replica Rolex' for only $50. I just opened the box and found it is completely made of wood...
To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.
You would think more people would see this deal.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
My daughter said she didnt wanna deal with lice
But i told her we had to take this problem head on
The re-opening of LEGO stores in 2020 was a big deal
People were lined up for blocks.
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
If you want the best Sandwich Deal there is…
Go to Kent. You'll find both of those there.
What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic?
I just made a deal with a roof building firm
Hopefully it doesn’t fall through
What's the deal with a door and a bell?
On their own they are not really cute, but together they are adorable!
Well, that seals the deal
I was at work when i passed by the interviewer's office and saw a small bear walk out depressed, I went in and asked "Whats his deal?"
They said he wasn't Koalafied
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.
As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y
Bum deal...
I bought my bidet on sale!
What’s the deal with airline food? (COVID-19 Themed)
Dad: What’s the deal with airline food?
Kid: I don’t know dad, what?
Dad: I don’t know either I’m quarantined
A genie granted me one wish. I wanted to be rich, but didn't want to deal with the IRS and decided I wanted wealth as I needed it. So I wished for the touch of Midas.
After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.
Hear about the jazz player that made a deal with the devil?
My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol
He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need
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