Lizard: Yes
Because it only had one cell
You'd be at the lowest of Lowe's
I asked the retail salesman "what's up stairs?"
He replied "no, the stairs dont talk"
It was nuts!
The cashiers check me out every time I go shopping!
They both got 6 months
But the cashier keeps putting them back.
Store clerk: Can I get an email address?
Me: Sure! Go to gmail.com and click “register.” You can make up pretty much anything you want.
I'd put the torches in the darkest part of the shop.
A husband and wife approached my register, and there's a variety of ways a customer will tell me they are in our rewards program. "I'm in the club." "I have a rewards card." Etc. There are a couple of weird ones people say, which brings us to this exchange I witnessed:
> Me: hi there, did you find everything okay?
> Wife: Yes, thank you. points to my till I'm in your computer, there.
> Husband: How the HELL did you fit in there?
> Wife: No, I meant I'm in the system!
> Husband: GASP You didn't tell me you were arrested!!!
> Wife: I swear to God I'm gonna hurt you.
A man is paying for his daughter's clothes in the store my girlfriend works at.
Girlfriend: Credit or debit?
Dad: C.O.D.
Girlfriend: ?
Dad: Cash on Daddy! (turns to his daughter and starts chuckling out loud)
"Hey can I borrow your date gun?"
"Why? Are you feeling lonely?"
Me: Hi Sir! Just to let you know, the entire store is at least half off today!
Him: he looks around for a second Really? Because it seems like it's all here to me!
Caught me wayyy off guard, but definitely made my shitty day better!
The cashier asked him if he wanted to be a member there and he said Yes so the cashier proceeded to ask "okay what's your street name?" He relied "tall white boy from the hood"
This one doesn't work as well typed out, but it's still pretty good. A co-worker was putting up a basket of returns, and he stopped by to ask me where the Efferdent goes. I said "I don't know, maybe you should put some more effort into it."
"No thanks, I've got two."
So I work at a hardware store/fish & tackle shop on a fairly affluent barrier island in Florida...tons of rich old WASPs (we're talking DuPont heir money here).
Anyways, a regular comes up to the front register with a saw and some saw blades. I took note of his purchases and said to the guy "How do these work? Some sort of coping mechanism?"
He looked down for a second, began to explain (in a somewhat demeaning tone) how a coping saw works, looked up and saw my shit eating grin.
grooaaannnn "Oh you ass, that was witty. You got me though!"
I later learned that day that his wife had died three months earlier...whoops.
Employee: "The whole store is 30% off."
Dad: "Oh jeez, I don't think I can afford that much"
Manager says "Take that off, you're going to rip it."
I respond: "Well if I do it will be on my head."
...you've seen a mall.
