Thought I just saw Shaggy in the supermarket...

It wasn’t him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_fury_2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.

I thought "How dairy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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The worst part of spanking a disobedient child at a supermarket is....

......having absolutely no idea whose child it is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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I walked into a supermarket and saw 1/2 watermelon.....

Why is it i shop at Wholefoods and see this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SIIa109
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Actual dad joke I heard in the supermarket

A dad was with his daughter and she was looking for hair dye and he said... "Don't get that red colour you got last time, it made you a transginger"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Breaking News. Total caos and panic as Germans are flooding supermarkets to buy sausages and cheese

That’s a wurst kase scenario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fabio2598
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..

They lied, everyone else had their clothes on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket ...

they lied, everybody else had their clothes on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luc1113
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket

To come clean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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A guy threw a block of cheese at me in the supermarket

I said to him β€œnow that’s no very mature now is it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moistwee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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A local supermarket was giving away 100% free face masks

But there were no strings attached.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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This is a DAIRY problem for supermarkets all around the world
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lloo69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I really want to buy one those supermarket checkout dividers.

But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Where do you find eggs in a supermarket?

In exile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afieif
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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My wife and I were walking into the supermarket when we saw cherries prominently displayed near the entrance.

Looking at the price, I said to her, "Damn, they're cherribly expensive!".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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How often does the Japanese supermarket restock their milk supply?

Dairy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McSteer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Someone in a supermarket is eager to join the pun-community
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llondru-es
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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What are supermarkets in the afterlife called?

Heaven eleven

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCMB360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piΓ±atas.

I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heilhanson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__itsyaboi__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.

Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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A thief has stolen all the hand sanitizer from the supermarket

he seems to have made a clean getaway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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So I’m rolling through the supermarket and I see these Bare Skin condoms...

And all I can think is, β€œGod please let it be panda”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brannono
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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The guy in front of me in the supermarket was just told they were out of breathmints. He did not like that.

He went menthol!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...

I am now a counter-terrorism officer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/E420CDI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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What did the composer take to the supermarket?

A Chopin Liszt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WolfLoverBlack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...

There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mittenshape
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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I was queuing up to get into the supermarket yesterday. Dwayne Johnson was in front of me. Behind me was a fish holding the trolley above his head!

I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyryoonake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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A Scottish Dad joke. How long do you think you’ll be at the Supermarket?

Aldi.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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I saw a guy wearing a sombrero buying paella at the supermarket.

I thought oh my god Hispanic buying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakushi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in the supermarket when a guy threw a block of cheese at me.

I looked over at him and shouted, β€œWell that’s not very mature is it??”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
King Louie once went to a supermarket.

Helper: Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?

Louie: No, I'm just Louie King.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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You should know you can help to recycle dead batteries and return them in most supermarkets

It's free of charge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenderDeLorean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Apparently if you buy cabbage from coles supermarkets you are legally obligated to buy carrots and mayonnaise

They call it, Coles law

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarvedAsian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/euanwmcgill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it

He was wearing khaki trousers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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What do you call a dwarf in a supermarket?

Lidl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/p_9213
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Did you hear the supermarket took its entire breakfast aisle, put it on a truck, and started giving items out all over town?

They call it the Universal Cereal Bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamHR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"

How long have you been feeling like this?

"Since I was Lidl"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SN0BBY_Child
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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The actor who played Bilbo is really upset that a supermarket opened up right next to his house.

Unexpected item in the Baggins area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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My old man always thought he was hilarious in the supermarket; whenever the cashier asked β€œwould he would like the milk in a bag”

He would reply, β€œNo, just leave it in the carton”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
They said a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket ...

they lied, everyone else had their clothes on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket

They lied, everyone else has clothes on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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