My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with supermarkets.
"Do you want any help with your packing?" I said.
I got a load of stuff from the supermarket today,
The cashier asked if I wanna box for it. I had to tell him wrestling was more my sport.
I went to a supermarket in the United Arab Emirates, but all the shelves were empty.
There was literally nothing Dubai.
Thought I just saw Shaggy in the supermarket...
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
....and then put it back on the shelf.
They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..
They lied, everyone else had their clothes on
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
The worst part of spanking a disobedient child at a supermarket is....
......having absolutely no idea whose child it is.
I walked into a supermarket and saw 1/2 watermelon.....
Why is it i shop at Wholefoods and see this?
This is a DAIRY problem for supermarkets all around the world
Actual dad joke I heard in the supermarket
A dad was with his daughter and she was looking for hair dye and he said... "Don't get that red colour you got last time, it made you a transginger"
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts
Someone in a supermarket is eager to join the pun-community
A local supermarket was giving away 100% free face masks
But there were no strings attached.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
A guy threw a block of cheese at me in the supermarket
I said to him “now that’s no very mature now is it?”
Where do you find eggs in a supermarket?
I really want to buy one those supermarket checkout dividers.
But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back
How often does the Japanese supermarket restock their milk supply?
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas.
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
What are supermarkets in the afterlife called?
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
A thief has stolen all the hand sanitizer from the supermarket
he seems to have made a clean getaway
So I’m rolling through the supermarket and I see these Bare Skin condoms...
And all I can think is, “God please let it be panda”.
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...
I am now a counter-terrorism officer.
I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.
Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"
The guy in front of me in the supermarket was just told they were out of breathmints. He did not like that.
A Scottish Dad joke. How long do you think you’ll be at the Supermarket?
What did the composer take to the supermarket?
Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
I was queuing up to get into the supermarket yesterday. Dwayne Johnson was in front of me. Behind me was a fish holding the trolley above his head!
I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...
There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area
I saw a guy wearing a sombrero buying paella at the supermarket.
I thought oh my god Hispanic buying
King Louie once went to a supermarket.
Helper: Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?
Louie: No, I'm just Louie King.
A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it
He was wearing khaki trousers
The actor who played Bilbo is really upset that a supermarket opened up right next to his house.
Unexpected item in the Baggins area.
Apparently if you buy cabbage from coles supermarkets you are legally obligated to buy carrots and mayonnaise
You should know you can help to recycle dead batteries and return them in most supermarkets
What do you call a dwarf in a supermarket?
Did you hear the supermarket took its entire breakfast aisle, put it on a truck, and started giving items out all over town?
They call it the Universal Cereal Bus.
Can you believe Trump wants to ban shakers of parmesan from supermarket shelves, only allowing it to be sold in wedge form?
He says he wants to make America grate again.
A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;
He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket ...
they lied, everybody else had their clothes on.
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket
They lied, everyone else has clothes on
They said a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket ...
they lied, everyone else had their clothes on.
I was in the supermarket when a guy threw a block of cheese at me.
I looked over at him and shouted, “Well that’s not very mature is it??”