Went to the grocery store and asked for 3 pounds of potatoes. "We don't have pounds", the grocer stated, "only kilos".

Annoyed, I went, "fine. I'll take 3 pounds of kilos then".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arr_jay816
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over... now I’m

Sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?

A wrecked aisle dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the milk get a restraining order against the grocer?

It said he was a stocker.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Grocer: Would you like your milk in a bag?

Dad: Nah, you can just leave it in the carton

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/richardthanyou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Woman to Butcher: People who sell meat are gross...

Butcher to Woman: People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerDurdenSEA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Selling porn is gross

but selling food and small household items is grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s so bad about fruit being made in factories?

They’re mass pro-duced

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2019inchnails
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Roadkill is gross.

The person who runs a supermarket is grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went through the self-check out today.

I looked pretty damn good.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atrix324
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My vegetarian daughter said that butchers are gross...

But I told her that people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 388
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dulberf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Eating fish makes you smarter

You’ve heard that eating fish makes you smarter? Well, here’s the proof!

A customer at the local grocery store marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.

β€œTell me, what makes you so smart?” he asked the owner.

β€œI wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” came the reply. Then, lowering his voice so the other shoppers wouldn’t hear, he continued. β€œBut since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

β€œYou sell them here?” the customer asked.

β€œOnly $4 apiece,” said the grocer.

The customer quickly bought three. A week later, he was back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he wasn’t any smarter.

β€œYou didn’t eat enough,” replied the store owner, and the customer went home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he was back and this time he was really angry.

β€œHey,” he said, β€œYou’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2.You’re ripping me off!”

β€œYou see?” replied the grocer.β€œYou’re smarter already.”

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/eating-fish-makes-you-smarter/

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Vegans must think we meat eaters are gross.

In our defence, a person who sells vegetables is grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I walked into a greengrocers today and asked for some potatoes

The grocer said β€œwould you like king Edwards?” I said β€œno thanks, I’d rather have my own”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordlawson73
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.

But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich and a midget who sells food?

A sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich is pretty gross, but a midget who sells food is a little grocer

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greycar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross.

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross.

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat and meat products may be disgusting to some people, but.....

People selling fruits and vegetables are definitely grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Artisticspawm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A vegan told me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!"

I told them "people who sell fruits and vegetables grocer"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrhotdog82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell produce are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegan son : People who sell meat are gross

dad: people who sell fruits/vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/europiece-of-shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegan Son: People who sell Meat are gross

Dad: People who sell Fruits and Vegetables are Grocer

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/everythingman2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
People who sell meat are gross....

People who sell veg are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nooshk123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!”

I said, β€œPeople who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chooboto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainOverKill16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me that a person who sells meat is disgusting...

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 226
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
While people who sell meat can be gross...

People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBirb_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A vegan once said to me, people who sell meat to eat are disgusting....

I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting.

But apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amanbbi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Vegan: People who sell meat are disgusting!

Dad: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HoMEOWner707
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan told me people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me: people who eat meat are disgusting

I replied: people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

(Borrowed indefinitely without permission from @pakalupapito)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RacismIsForBlacks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan once said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiavyas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting

I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anasuna
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Vegans think that people who sell meat are disgusting

But people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting!

But apparently people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g0dfarter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.