Convenience Store Puns

“Sorry for the inconvenience.”

It was a minor minority minor miner notoriety.

I don’t know how they sleep at night.

If you want credit go to Helen Waite

The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.

She was SO upset she had a counter fit.

I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

He'd be clerk Kent

an inconvenience store

The balls on that guy.

It was just my two cents.

The guy puts down the beer and runs away. Spidey picks up the beer to take it back to the store, but he pauses. In a moment of weakness, he takes the beer home for himself.

That's how Peter Parker pinched a pack of pilfered Pilsners.

The kids were probably around 8-12 years old. They all go the sweet aisle and start looking at the chocolate etc. The father picks up a bag of M&Ms and says to his kids:

"Hey, want some Slim Shadys?"
They give him a funny look. He looks again and notices that they're 2 for £1.
"50 Cent for some Eminems? That's Ludacris!"
Cue another look from the kids.
"I'll pay for them though, it's no Biggie."

I'll admit, I chuckled.

Dad replies, "Oh, no - we each have our own."

Cashier looks at my dad like a perv while his grin slowly fades back to :[

Dad: you should probably drive, running that far seems like a lot of unnecessary work.

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

A convenience store!

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save 1.50 off your next purchase.

We stopped at a dollar store to pick up a few items, and I parked in front of the store next to a handicap stall. I noticed the handicap stall was the same width as a regular parking stall, to which I remarked, "That's not really a convenient parking stall as there's no space for the handicap person to maneuver." My wife replied, "Ya, that's not very handy!"

Visual reference http://i.imgur.com/hM8a1kP.jpg

So my wife went in to the local convenience store to get us slushies, I asked for a red one. Here was our conversation when she came out.

Her: I got you Mountain Dew because the red wasn't ready.

Me: So was it bluey?

Her: ...

Me: staring at her with a shit eating grin

Her: Yeah I get it.

Being the forgetful dad that I am, I wrote a few items I needed from the local convenience store on my hand so I wouldn't forget what all I needed. The young girl at the check out counter saw the list and said, "Nice list there, I do that all the time too." I replied, "yeah you could say its pretty handy."

Customer in front of me: "We're going to smoke a turkey this weekend."

Convenience store clerk: "How are you going to get it into the pipe?"

One afternoon a man asked his son if he could run over to the convenience store and pick up a copy of that day's newspaper.

His son said, "Sorry Dad, I'm still finishing up my homework, so I'm busy for a bit."

So the man ran over himself.

I went to the convenience store on my college campus because I needed to get some nail clippers. A girl I knew walked in and this exchange was had after we had started talking:

Me: The only good clippers they had were in this pack with this other body care stuff, do you want any of it?

Girl: Sure, but those are toenail clippers. There are some fingernail clippers over there (very small ones).

Me: I have very thick nails, so those won't cut it.

The look she gave me told me how close she was to groaning.

Edit: Spelling

A few weeks ago my wife and I were at a festival called "The Banjo-b-que Fest". On Saturday afternoon we stopped at a convenience store and upon noticing my concert wristband the clerk gave me a smirk and asked "How's the festival, did you eat any good banjos while you were there?" I replied, " I tried one, a bit stringy for my tasty. " His smirk disappeared after that.

There was this convenience store and the owner had a parrot perched next to the register. The parrot would talk to customers as they walked by and one day a man was walking by and the parrot said "You're the ugliest man I ever saw.". Taken aback, the man said "What did you say?" and the parrot said "You're the ugliest man I ever saw."

The man was outraged. He talked to the owner and said "Do you know what your bird just said to me?"

"No." said the owner.

"He said I was the ugliest man he ever saw."

"I'll give him a talking to." said the owner. "You come back tomorrow and see if things aren't a bit different."

That night the owner takes the parrot and slaps him around some, and tells him not to insult the customers ever again.

So the next day rolls around and the man stops by the store. He walks up to the register and says to the bird "What do you think you're lookin' at?"

The bird says, "You know."

I remember this from when I was around 12 or so. My dad was in a convenient store drive thru and he was about the 5th car in line. When we finally get to our turn, the cashier says "sorry for the long wait, we had a little traffic jam there". My dad responds "hey, at least people weren't on foot, then you'd have a toe jam".

Ugh...

I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

A convenience store!