Package Store Puns

At the grocery store with my wife and we walk past the meat counter.....

Me: Oh these ribs must be the extras!

My Wife: Huh? What are you talking about?

Me: The package says they are Spare Ribs.

My Wife: Oh geez, you really need to stop.

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

• Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
• Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
• Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

• Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
• Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
• Mom: Shut up.
• Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

• Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
• Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

• Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
• Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

• Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
• Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
• ...
• Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

• Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

• Me: What did she want?
• Dad: You want the long or the short version?
• Me: Short.
• Dad: Nothing.
• Me: Ok long version.
• Dad: Nothing much.

So I work as a cashier at a grocery store. A customer was buying two turkeys and two packages of prime rib, and he asked for separate bagging.

So I replied, "excellent, here at the store we also like to maintain a separation of bird and steak."

Customer laughed a pity laugh. I told everyone. My life is boring.

We had to pick up paper towels, and my wife had stopped and was looking at a couple packages.

Her: "I'm trying to see the difference between these two."
Me: "One is plain white, the other has prints."
Her: "Oh."
Me: singing "Purple stain, purple stain.."

She quickly walked to a different section of the store.