I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me- β€œYou gave me one too many”

Shopkeeper- β€œthat one is a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 909
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,

People will be lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 985
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
A bunch of rioters looted my pretzel shop.

Unfortunately, they got all my dough.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RunescapeCoin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I started an Etsy shop with tons of custom graphic tees. Feel free to take a look. I would love any feedback :)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/827477171/youre-my-jam-unisex-jersey-short-sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGroovyGiraffe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the accident where the guy drove into the tire shop?

It was wheely bad

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Northern_cut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I just went to the shop to pick up eight cans of Sprite,

But when I got home I realised I’d only picked 7Up.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kas348
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.

Clothes, but no cigar.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Why did the robot go to the shoe shop?

To get rebooted

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderLion99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
How do Skywalker's like to shop?

The prefer to pick things up second hand.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I quit my job fixing controllers at the tv repair shop.

I wasn’t making remotely enough.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Rioters wreaked havoc on a spice shop

They had too much thyme on their hands

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Why is there a wolf in the smoke shop?

He's just looking for a pack.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a barber shop: β€œCan you shape my afro like a sphere?”

Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.

πŸ‘︎ 272
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I was hired to fix tires at the bike shop, but I'd rather be their media guy.

I guess I'm more of a spokesman.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
What did the wig shop owner shout at the thief as they ran out of the store with one of the hair pieces?

Hey!! GET BACK HERE!!! You need toupeΓ© for that!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TACKYTUESDAY
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine said we needed something groundbreaking to sell in our new shop

We now own a shovel shop

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeisalone
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I walked into a shop and asked if they had any helicopter flavour chips...

They said "no sorry we only have plane".

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TopDawg117
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I took my clarinet back to the music shop,

"I don't know what it is," I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune."

"Let's have a look," said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet.

"Ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
I almost fell asleep at the tire shop

It was just so tiring.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcpat21
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Nice pun from the local barber shop
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaBooch425
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piΓ±atas.

I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heilhanson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
With the barber shop finally open after many weeks, there was a huge crowd of people jostling for position to get in...

They really need a hair traffic controller.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
The fish and chip shop: β€œSorry sir we’re all out of fish.”

Me: β€œI knew it, there is no cod!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
A swarm of bees raided a barber shop

Judging from their noise, they definitely want a buzzcut.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BOTB03
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I walked into the local pet shop the other day

I said how much for the wasp?

He said he didn't sell wasps

I said well there's one in your window

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robjzh5
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...

He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JalepenoPeppers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the pizza shop and orders a pizza. The worker asked if he wanted it cut into 4 pieces or 6 pieces.

The man said 4 because he probably wasn’t going to eat 6.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mopi_is_short
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Why do you call a person who has two shops?

A Bishop

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkKnight_Jedi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the tornado that hit a cheese shop recently?

Da brie was everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qwopcircles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
A dumb man walked into a bicycle shop

He picked up a wheel and spoke

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rjanulous
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Hear about the gang of midgets that tried to rob a butchers shop

They went away empty handed, the steaks were to high.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/G3ffr0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.

Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cashmag3001
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
What type of people represent bike shops?

Spokesmen.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Starbucks has closed many of its coughy shops.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdj
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a fortune teller's shop

He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks: Why did you do that??????? The man replies, I've never struck a happy medium before

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fight at the fish and chip shop?

Apparently someone got battered

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatjesus10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Dairy Queen’s sign in there shop. β€œRidiculous” but as RiDQulous
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Due to coronavirus the shops in France are like a bombsite

All that is left is de brie.

Credit: @SamFr on twitter.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
My 4yo daughter was playing ice cream shop, pretending that little pieces of chalk were the ice cream flavors. She asked me what flavor I wanted

Chalkolate

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
My friend opened a tailor shop that also is a moving service...

She hems and hauls.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
I opened a shop selling used artificial limbs

I called it the second hand second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
What kind of tea do gift shop customers prefer?

novel-tea

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amunit00
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
There was this shop in my hometown located where two streets met, they sold things like embalming tools and other specialty tools for working on dead bodies. This store was also known as....

The Coroner Store

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnJukes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
This Corona Virus pandemic has caused my local shop to start stocking dead batteries

They’re free of charge !

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teeheeofficial
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I thought I saw a cute girl by the lettuce in the shop today

Turns out it was salad

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/topherdophe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Dad fell through a shop window.

Now he's in pane.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
What the name of the best wine shop in town?

Best cellar

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewieShot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I’m opening a butchers shop above a hotel.

It’s a cut above the rest.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants

β€œEuripides?” says the tailor. β€œYeah, Eumenides?” replies the man.

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking

I had trouble coping.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
I went into a pet shop and told the owner that i want twelve bees

He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an antique shop full of people?

A retirement home

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andy_stanley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can't turn that down.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
At are auto repair shop we had a dog once drink a whole pan of gas. Dog ran, ran as fast as you’d ever see and then just stopped and fell to the floor.

He had run out of gas.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gointobeathell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I asked the shop assistant where the Terminator action figures were.

She said "Aisle B, back".

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority?

They don’t like Dick’s

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bophus5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
I had a job at muffler shop...

but I found the work very EXHAUSTING.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shop around the corner that sells Indian ice cream?

It’s a New Delhi...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Where do Heroes shop?

The Super-Market.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Braddinator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Watch out for the candy shop owner...

He has some twix up his sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuirkyLotad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the thief target the local pizza shop??

Because they are rolling in the dough..

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDaddo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I walked into the beekeeper's shop to get a dozen bees...

He gave me 13 instead of 12!

When I asked him what the last one was for, he said,

"This one's a freebie."

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesafman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the boomerang shop downtown to look at their selection today.

Turns out they have a great return policy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustMy2Coppers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
What does the German baker say to his customers when they enter his shop?

Gluten log?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brandon__DG
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Why do I shop solely in German stores?

Because there I can find Aldi things I need.

It can be a Lidl expensive, though.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManWithNoClue
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the guy at the tire shop quit?

He retired because he was tired of so much re-tiring.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I asked the cashier at the donut shop how the old fashioned donuts were...

I asked the cashier at the donut shop how the old fashioned donuts were, and he said "well, I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you"

Explaination: old fashioned donuts are quite literally not coated in sugar, but the expression I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you also generally means being straight forward in giving people hard to hear news. The statement above could be taken in both the literal and figurative sense.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A whole *shop*ping list of them
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NVJayNub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says β€œBut I had a 3-piece suit.”

Tailor says β€œThe vest is yet to come.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cristarain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a mouse in a German shop

His name is Stuart Lidl

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kebabas79
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
They had an overstock situation at the spice shop

They had way too much thyme on their hands.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
A local wine shop has jokes...
πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JazzerAtHeart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My local pet shop is having a Buy One, Get One Free sale on birds

The slogan is: One good tern deserves another.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
From a repair shop's yard
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to buy some pencils from the local stationery shop ...

Only to discover it had moved!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a donut shop and stole some donuts.... The owner said: donut come here ever againπŸ˜”
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s time I take this to the second hand shop
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pmorese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I went down to the bread shop and ordered. The baker threw it at me!

He said I wanted a plane bagel!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the pro shop manager require another golfer to the trio looking for a tee time?

He didn't want to foursome.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nutbagger18
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be a part of some extreme mist group.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the shop

It’s only when I was walking home that I realised I’d picked 7 up

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hglmasters
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Honey make sure you remember to get bread from the shop

Don't baguette

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A tailor walks into a clothes shop and requests a fine garb.

Unfortunately, everything they had was too small. I guess they didn’t suit him.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FeedbackUSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can’t turn that down”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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