I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
Me- “You gave me one too many”
Shopkeeper- “that one is a freebie”
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,
People will be lined up for blocks.
A bunch of rioters looted my pretzel shop.
Unfortunately, they got all my dough.
I started an Etsy shop with tons of custom graphic tees. Feel free to take a look. I would love any feedback :)
Did you hear about the accident where the guy drove into the tire shop?
I just went to the shop to pick up eight cans of Sprite,
But when I got home I realised I’d only picked 7Up.
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.
Why did the robot go to the shoe shop?
How do Skywalker's like to shop?
The prefer to pick things up second hand.
I quit my job fixing controllers at the tv repair shop.
I wasn’t making remotely enough.
Rioters wreaked havoc on a spice shop
They had too much thyme on their hands
Why is there a wolf in the smoke shop?
He's just looking for a pack.
Man walks into a barber shop: “Can you shape my afro like a sphere?”
Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.
I was hired to fix tires at the bike shop, but I'd rather be their media guy.
I guess I'm more of a spokesman.
What did the wig shop owner shout at the thief as they ran out of the store with one of the hair pieces?
Hey!! GET BACK HERE!!! You need toupeé for that!!
A friend of mine said we needed something groundbreaking to sell in our new shop
I walked into a shop and asked if they had any helicopter flavour chips...
They said "no sorry we only have plane".
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
I took my clarinet back to the music shop,
"I don't know what it is," I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune."
"Let's have a look," said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet.
"Ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed."
I almost fell asleep at the tire shop
Nice pun from the local barber shop
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas.
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
With the barber shop finally open after many weeks, there was a huge crowd of people jostling for position to get in...
They really need a hair traffic controller.
The fish and chip shop: “Sorry sir we’re all out of fish.”
Me: “I knew it, there is no cod!”
A swarm of bees raided a barber shop
Judging from their noise, they definitely want a buzzcut.
I walked into the local pet shop the other day
I said how much for the wasp?
He said he didn't sell wasps
I said well there's one in your window
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
A man walks into the pizza shop and orders a pizza. The worker asked if he wanted it cut into 4 pieces or 6 pieces.
The man said 4 because he probably wasn’t going to eat 6.
Why do you call a person who has two shops?
Did you guys hear about the tornado that hit a cheese shop recently?
A dumb man walked into a bicycle shop
He picked up a wheel and spoke
Hear about the gang of midgets that tried to rob a butchers shop
They went away empty handed, the steaks were to high.
The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.
Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.
What type of people represent bike shops?
Starbucks has closed many of its coughy shops.
A man walked into a fortune teller's shop
He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably.
The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks:
Why did you do that???????
The man replies,
I've never struck a happy medium before
Did you hear about the fight at the fish and chip shop?
Apparently someone got battered
Dairy Queen’s sign in there shop. “Ridiculous” but as RiDQulous
Due to coronavirus the shops in France are like a bombsite
All that is left is de brie.
Credit: @SamFr on twitter.
My 4yo daughter was playing ice cream shop, pretending that little pieces of chalk were the ice cream flavors. She asked me what flavor I wanted
My friend opened a tailor shop that also is a moving service...
I opened a shop selling used artificial limbs
I called it the second hand second hand store
What kind of tea do gift shop customers prefer?
There was this shop in my hometown located where two streets met, they sold things like embalming tools and other specialty tools for working on dead bodies. This store was also known as....
This Corona Virus pandemic has caused my local shop to start stocking dead batteries
I thought I saw a cute girl by the lettuce in the shop today
Dad fell through a shop window.
What the name of the best wine shop in town?
I’m opening a butchers shop above a hotel.
It’s a cut above the rest.
An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants
“Euripides?” says the tailor.
“Yeah, Eumenides?” replies the man.
I failed shop because I couldn't handle the bow saw used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cut-outs in woodworking
I went into a pet shop and told the owner that i want twelve bees
He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"
What do you call an antique shop full of people?
I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought
“I can't turn that down.”
At are auto repair shop we had a dog once drink a whole pan of gas. Dog ran, ran as fast as you’d ever see and then just stopped and fell to the floor.
I asked the shop assistant where the Terminator action figures were.
She said "Aisle B, back".
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority?
I had a job at muffler shop...
but I found the work very EXHAUSTING.
Did you hear about the shop around the corner that sells Indian ice cream?
Watch out for the candy shop owner...
He has some twix up his sleeve
Why did the thief target the local pizza shop??
Because they are rolling in the dough..
I walked into the beekeeper's shop to get a dozen bees...
He gave me 13 instead of 12!
When I asked him what the last one was for, he said,
"This one's a freebie."
I went to the boomerang shop downtown to look at their selection today.
Turns out they have a great return policy.
What does the German baker say to his customers when they enter his shop?
Why do I shop solely in German stores?
Because there I can find Aldi things I need.
It can be a Lidl expensive, though.
Why did the guy at the tire shop quit?
He retired because he was tired of so much re-tiring.
I asked the cashier at the donut shop how the old fashioned donuts were...
I asked the cashier at the donut shop how the old fashioned donuts were, and he said "well, I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you"
Explaination: old fashioned donuts are quite literally not coated in sugar, but the expression I'm not gonna sugar coat it for you also generally means being straight forward in giving people hard to hear news. The statement above could be taken in both the literal and figurative sense.
A whole *shop*ping list of them
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
There is a mouse in a German shop
They had an overstock situation at the spice shop
They had way too much thyme on their hands.
A local wine shop has jokes...
My local pet shop is having a Buy One, Get One Free sale on birds
The slogan is: One good tern deserves another.
From a repair shop's yard
Went to buy some pencils from the local stationery shop ...
Only to discover it had moved!
I went to a donut shop and stole some donuts.... The owner said: donut come here ever again😔
It’s time I take this to the second hand shop
I went down to the bread shop and ordered. The baker threw it at me!
He said I wanted a plane bagel!
Why didn't the pro shop manager require another golfer to the trio looking for a tee time?
He didn't want to foursome.
A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.
Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.
A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the shop
It’s only when I was walking home that I realised I’d picked 7 up
Honey make sure you remember to get bread from the shop
A tailor walks into a clothes shop and requests a fine garb.
Unfortunately, everything they had was too small. I guess they didn’t suit him.
I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought