I'm gonna start a German themed donut shop.

Any investors interested in backing Gluten Morgen?

Pretty proud of that one.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samjtrost
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Captain Kirks wife has just opened a new lingerie shop.

Its called Shatner Knickers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...

Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-Man54
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
How would Missy Elliott advertise her ice cream shop?

"Get yo' free cone 🎡"

(credit: guy at work told this one in a meeting)

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesnearn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I robbed a cookery shop last night...

To make it big, you've got to take some whisks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I got my car horn fixed at a Lion King themed shop called Scar's Auto Body.

Beep repaired.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen sausages hanging up in a butchers shop?

I havent. I've only seen them hanging down.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nahh_yeahh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Why do Storm Troopers shop at Wal Mart?

Because they couldn’t find the Target

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brownxbearx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman walks into a music shop and finds an album for 95 cents and pays for it with a dollar

she got a nickleback

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcastic_kittie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
What crime fighting duo hangs out at the noodle shop?

Batman and Ramen

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ichimanben
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I was doing gymnastics after a part-time shift at the tire change shop, my coach asked me how I learned to do back handsprings without a tumbling cylinder

I said it actually just took me a goodyear or two

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dis907kid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I walked in the shop, glimpsing my beard covered in snow as I entered

"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhatPhlaps
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Chris Ubank just advised me to shop lift some kitchen utensils

He said, if I wanted to make it big, I would have to take some whisks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I robbed a kitchen utensils shop last night...

To make it big, you gotta take some whisks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store.

Clothes, but no cigar.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?

He egg-xited..

From my 8 year old today.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bondutch88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A monk goes into a pizza shop

A monk goes into pizza shop and says β€œCan you make me one with everything”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red8user
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does captain hook like to shop?

The second-hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.

He only went for a gander

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What's the name of the relative who owns a shop that specializes in vintage items made from hardwood?

Aunt Teak.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EM_CEE_PEEPANTS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...

I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeGuy1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a combination of a Frozen Yogurt shop and a news stand.

It will be called FroYo Information.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a statue in the star wars shop?

Mannequin Skywalker.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
So I don't shop from Old Navy anymore

I'm now ex-navy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fumpey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to the shops and bought some fly spray.

Sprayed it all over me....Still can't bloody fly.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore

I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

πŸ‘︎ 599
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The Shop
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.

I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.

β€œExcuse me,” I said, β€œI couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”

They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, β€œIt’s Wales!”

β€œNo offense intended,” I replied. β€œPlease allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schoonerw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;

β€œAre these knickers satin?" "No” she said, β€œThey’re brand new...”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says...

Can you make me one with everything?

https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleDieInside/comments/kb2m9o/most_successful_joke_ever/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ug61dec
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So a pen went to a shop and got some jewelry.

It got a pendant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatDude86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
So, I was in a coffee shop drinking tea, and when I reached down to tie my shoe, my tea was gone!

I saw this guy with the same cup as me and chased him down the street. Finally caught up with him and realized...that’s not my cup of tea

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.

Now I can't read it.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the sled dog puppy shop in the Big & Tall store?

He was a little husky.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CassandraEntendre
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"

I thought, "I can't turn that down".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A man enters a cheese shop

"Welcome to the towns greatest cheese shop. We have all that you might want. So, what will it be?" asks the clerk.

"Nacho cheese" responds the man

Suddenly angry, the clerk shouts at the man: "Then why the fuck are you here!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirAchesis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I shop at Aldi

Because they have aldi things I need.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanitarium-1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bad wig shop?

Hell Toupee!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a fight in the fish and chip shop

The fish got battered

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to open a sandwich shop called Salvador DelΓ­

We’ll specialize in melts.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceCoolBrutus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The cheese shop next door exploded this morning.

Da Brie is everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATX_Stig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just went past a shop selling wigs for only $10

They look awful but it's a small price toupee.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BareKnuckle_Bob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise

Mechanic: sounds like a flat

Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dexter992
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop

Says, β€œcan you make me one with everything?”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evanthekid16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Cheese shop exploded...

Da Brie everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chawjubs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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