Can you help me come up with some jokes for a mental health workshop?

I have to give a workshop on anxiety and depression today and I would like to have some jokes locked in to defuse the tension if needed. I usually don't have much trouble to come up with dad jokes on the go, but it would be nice to have some in the back burner. Thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/versung
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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They say marriage is like a workshop.

Where the man works and the women shops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thelaanie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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I was in a Tie & Dye tshirt making workshop. I had pun.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enonimosu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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My buddy recently opened a boat-building workshop in his attic.

Sails are going through the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyle_is_okay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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If Santa Claus forgets to pay the mortgage on his workshop.....

Is he in forclausure?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The3dPrintMaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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What kind of music do Santa's elves play in their gift workshop?

Wrap music.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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A guy came by my workshop today to pick up a replica of his butt that I molded out of silicone

He literally had his ass handed to him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DandeLion-King
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2014
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Local hardware store had a workshop on drills and drill bits.

Talk about boring!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoGators2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2016
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I’m thinking of opening up a workshop for Romany travellers to express themselves through poetry

It’ll be called Gyp-Prose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sad_muso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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They should build a Santa’s Workshop in North-Poland
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skankhunter41
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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There's not just one, but TWO track and field workshops happening at my school today.

How do they have so much to discus?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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During a trip to Canada, I participated in a maple syrup collecting workshop

I wasn't too confident in my tree identification skills, but my instructor said "Oak, aye.". My syrup sure did taste funny though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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This gem is in my grandpa's workshop...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ichabong_Crane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
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My dad in his workshop: "This tool is so sharp it's illegal..."

"...it's a banned saw."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/squidfood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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There's an old saying in Florida, "Impeach me once, shame on you. Impeach me twice, shame on Me..."

"...lania."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eo_mahm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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I dad joked a room of 200 teenagers...

My job involves me giving presentations to large groups of teenagers. Today, I was telling them about different workshops we have on offer, including African drumming and DJ workshops.

So I said - 'I'd love to tell you a bit more about the DJ workshops, but I'd barely scratch the surface.'

Ever seen 200 teenagers groan and roll their eyes? Glorious :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/London_Pride
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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My dad's favorite

My dad loves to build. Every few years he takes on a new major construction project; an addition on his house, a huge workshop, something. When he goes to buy lumber he always tries to set the salesman up for this doozy:

Dad: "I'm going to need three dozen 2x4s."

Salesman: "Sure. How long do you need them?"

Dad: "I'm going to need them a long time, I'm building an addition on my house."

(Edit: Structure and spelling (thanks DJUrsus)).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-ClarkNova-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
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Another name for a gentleman's barbershop...

The Build-a-Beard Workshop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZoeInBinary
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
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So this tailor goes to the bag maker with a problem...

That night somebody had broken into his shop and stolen a few very expensive suits, and he wanted the person responsible arrested.

He approached the counter, where the owner of the workshop stood.

 

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Emmy, how can I help you today?"

 

"Well, I have this problem, and I saw online that you could help me for cheap." he responded.

"My shop was robbed of some of my most expensive suits tonight, and I want your help catching the perpetrator."

 

"That's awful, but I am confused as to how I would be of assistance?" she said.

The tailor was silent for a second, noticeably confused.

Before he had a chance to respond she asked,

"What did you see on our website?"

 

"Well I didn't actually see it on your website, there was actually this ad that intrigued me. It had big bold letters and read:

For a limited time only, click the link to find the cheapest and best deals!!! Emmy's Suit cases - Now 50% off!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sai1r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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A real bad one to use in the workplace

I was helping a colleague measure something on the workshop floor with a tape measure. I held the end and he walked away with the reel. He got to the end and I looked down at the tape and said "It's zero."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JP147
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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Dad came to see my new house.

We were in the garage checking out what will soon be my workshop. He pulled out my push saw and said, "I see you went with the cordless."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrApostasy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
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Got the whole council with this one...

I am on the city council and we had a workshop about why utility rates are lower inside the city compared to outside.

It came down to this:

  1. No study was done to show the validity of the difference.
  2. It was strictly a policy decision with an arbitrary number.
  3. The reason for this approach was simply that it is "standard in the industry" and because it is "what every other city does".

Prefacing that I was a dad so I had to say it: I suggested the rational wasn't the most sound since "just because every other city jumped off a bridge, it didn't mean I wasn't going to jump off a bridge."

Mixture of groans and laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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"I found the heavy metal."

My sister and I were cleaning our basement to prepare for a party. Half of it is the entertainment center, and the other half is open space. Our dad tends to use it as a workshop when we're not hosting parties.

As we're putting away tools and sweeping up, my sister calls out, "Hey, I found the heavy metal." I thought she meant my CDs.

When I turned around, she was holding a 2"x6" rectangle of metal. And it was heavy.

And I groaned super hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kayneargand
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
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Dad joke about power tools

I was in a guy's workshop last week waiting for him to come back from the house, and I noticed a jigsaw sitting on the table. Because he was gone awhile (and I was bored), I picked it up and turned it on. Right as I did that he came around the corner and I quickly turned it off and put it down.

Me: "Nobody saw anything."

Him: "Oh I definitely saw that."

Me: "Yeah, but I didn't saw anything."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzyfingerz3525
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2014
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