While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.

Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?

Me: What?? Why not?

Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lind-zayy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What did the mathematician say about the untoward rumors on campus?

Functor? I never even met her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2piix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.

I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalibabka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Dad-joked my girlfriend on campus today.

We were walking from the library and I had a travel coffee mug but the little bit of coffee left had gone cold. I dumped the remainder in the grass so I could put it in my backpack.

GF: "Don't dump your coffee in the grass!!"

Me: "It's okay, it's ground coffee" The look on her face...

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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The Domino's on campus came up with this gem today.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ktrain29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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Posted around my college campus imgur.com/OxH1Lu0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
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My school has an issue with weed on campus...

... they formed a joint committee to try to solve the problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_aikaterine
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2013
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I was walking around campus, when suddenly i saw a huge D
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shermanizer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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The entrance to the Google campus

should be called the Google Drive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dbhp97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
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There was a Sex Education Fair on my university campus today...

I asked one of the workers what display was supposed to be at the empty table next to theirs; I knew the worker was a dad because he replied:

"It was supposed to be a BDSM Safety table, but none of them could make it...I guess they were all tied up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anivepairofears
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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Someone drew this and stuck it on a napkin dispenser in the campus pub
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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The new library only has 3 floors but is still the tallest building on campus

It has the most stories.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kleenecks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Someone said this while entering my campus writing center... Thought r/dadjokes would appreciate it.

"My my, it sure is drafty in here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/7000milestogo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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I texted my girlfriend while she worked at the library on campus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elcielo17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
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We were walking through my sister's college campus and he saw an ad for an Asian club

He told her she should join and I told him she wasn't Asian and so my dad says "but you went to orientation"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kookoo831
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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Student asked me where the 4th floor of a building on campus was

Told him right above the third.

He was not impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Money_Box
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2015
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Dad joke'd on campus, by a girl

Little background: I was standing on a roughly-3' rock wall along a sidewalk/eating area on campus. My friend was sitting at a table next to this.

We were engaging in a lively discussion when a girl walks by and sternly asks; "Are you talking down to her?" - and starts laughing maniacally.

Having a solid appreciation for dad jokes, I laugh heartily too and gently whisper "be my dad?" as she walks away...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LibertyFive3000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Studying on campus when a friend read me this text from his dad

Q: What happens when a man forgets to pay the exorcist?

A: He gets repossessed!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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overhead from a campus tour guide

"Sorry to get cheesy on you guys, but we are in Wisconsin" I groaned as I walked by.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/presentEgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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Neuroscience

The only campus I am allowed to visit rn is the hippocampus. Alexa, play memories 🧠

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_alphabulous
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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Why are hippos good at remembering stuff?

Because they go to the hippo-campus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigshark2740
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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Did you know that an eye makes Massachusetts Institute of Technology popular?

If they didn't have it, their campus would be MT.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrOrangeTan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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Where can you learn neuroscience in the Serengeti?

At the hippo campus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatjamoco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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A college girl finds out she's pregnant....

She doesn't know who the father is, so she goes to every dude on the campus she recently had sex with, tells them

"I'm pregnant."

Luckily the guy was found when his newly developed senses made him answer:

"Hi pregnant. I'm dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/take_the_F
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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A programming pun

Here's a programming joke for y'all

How did the founder of the tech company build his company's campus?

By calling the Constructor():

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SynapseAI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Small Spoiler Alert
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr36251
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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Iron Bowl humor

Q: Did you hear that U of Alabama's library burned? A: It's true! They lost all 3 of their coloring books!

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on campus at U of A? A: A visitor!

Q: What do a maggot and a U of A fan have in common? A: They can both live off a dead bear for twenty years.

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 80,001. 1 to change the bulb, 80,000 to talk about how great the old lightbulb was.

Q: How do you make Alabama cookies? A: Put em in a bowl and whip em for 60 minutes.

Q: Did you hear Saban was going to dress up 20 players for the Iron Bowl? A: The rest will have to dress themselves.

Q: Alabama is changing their mascot to the Opossums. A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Alabama players get on their SATs? A: Drool.

War Eagle!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joblessidiot420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Amazing dad joke at university orientation

I'm running a booth at an orientation fair at a major university in the south. New out of state student and his dad come up and introduce themselves.

Me: "So, how did you end up in the south?"

Dad: "We drove."

Me: "No, I mean what brought you down here?"

Straight-faced dad: "The car."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maciej88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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Bus driver dad joked the entire bus.

I was on a bus route headed to Target to pick up some groceries. I was in a hurry so I had opted for the express route. The bus picks up on the part of my college campus where the streets are named after the great lakes. We pass Erie and Ontario, and the bus driver comes over the intercom and says:

"This bus will be express from Huron out."

Everybody groans, the driver has a good chuckle, and I begin laughing like a maniac.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LurchPuppy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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What do they call the university for hippopotamuses?

The HippoCampus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiLifino
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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Why are animals in Africa so smart?

They have a huge Hippo Campus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teacob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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My husband’s adding to his stash of dad jokes for our future childrenβ€”here’s an especially eye-rolling example when we were walking back from class today.

I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.

DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lifeinsuitcase
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Where do animals go to learn brain surgery?

The Hippo Campus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vtPOWERHOUSE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
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Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend were in college...

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend were in college. Now, Christina likes men with lots of testosterone, and her boyfriend was no exception, but the downside was, he was already losing his hair. "I would do something about it," he'd say, "but I don't know how much it would cost." One weekend they went to a student fair, and one of the campus groups was holding a couples' spelling contest. They were offering all kinds of gag items as prizes; condoms, jock straps, training bras, that sort of thing. The top prize for the winning guy was a hairpiece, valued at $100. So Christina helpfully suggested to her boyfriend, "If you won a bee with me, baby, there's a priced toupΓ©e!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/romulusnr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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Dadjoked my professor in an email.

My seminar professor emails us, "No BioPsych today guys. We are interviewing 2017 people."

(she's referring to students in Sophomore graduating year who are applying for this concentration)

I respond in my email, "Wow 2017 people! That's practically the size of the entire student body! Good luck!" (we have a small campus)

Can I be a dad yet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freedan12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Gender Neutral Bathroom

We are trying to convert a standard restroom in a state-owned building on our campus to be gender neutral.

Boss: "Unfortunately, state law says we need to get approval from the bathroom folks in the state capital."

Me: "That could take some time...I hear they are all backed up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gocards2579
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
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So the football stadium at my university is located across the railroad tracks from a very old cemetery...

My family comes up to visit and see the campus and as we drive down the road between the stadium and the cemetery I mentioned to them how hard it is to get tickets this year. Pointing in the direction of the cemetery, my dad proceeds to say "oh I bet they're just dying to get in!"

Groans all around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OutgoingBuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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What's that building?

Walking around campus today with my girlfriend

'Hey what's that building?'

'The observatory'

'Oh. Who's Tory and why are we observing her?'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirkauburn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
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Friend got me

So my friend and I were eating dinner at a restaurant on campus, and there was a limited-time special called the "Alaska Salmon." Being curious, I asked my friend if he thought it would be good to try. He said, "I don't know, I'll ask the salmon."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xam2y
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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Got the girlfriend good. Am I ready to become a dad?

So we were eating at our campus dining hall, and my girlfriend says "here, do you want this chicken? It tastes like egg"

"Well, to be fair..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omgshoed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
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Dad jokes at the coffee shop

Sitting at the coffee shop on campus when I catch this gem: Daughter: I need to be studying for exams but I keep procrastinating Dad: You know I once tried to write a book about procrastinating, I never finished it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nimmems
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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Had to Buy Some Nail Clippers

I went to the convenience store on my college campus because I needed to get some nail clippers. A girl I knew walked in and this exchange was had after we had started talking:

Me: The only good clippers they had were in this pack with this other body care stuff, do you want any of it?

Girl: Sure, but those are toenail clippers. There are some fingernail clippers over there (very small ones).

Me: I have very thick nails, so those won't cut it.

The look she gave me told me how close she was to groaning.

Edit: Spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntblt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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You'll never forget where hippos go to school.

The hippo campus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tudorb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Got dad-joked by my college coach

My college cross country coach was a source of endless terrible jokes. One time, the team was preparing to embark on a long run from campus, and our coach told us to be careful.

"Did you heard about the guy who got hit by a car last week? He lost his left arm and his left leg."

"Oh no! Is he ok?"

"He's all right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcgeorge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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I got a ton of them. This one happened today.

Dad drives me to campus this morning so he can use the car later. At a crosswalk a police officer is always waving his hand, either toward students who want to cross or the other direction for cars to come through. Every time he says "hey man, if you want to fly you need both hands." (with the windows closed)

While waving to our car with one hand he actually started waving hello to someone else. We cracked up when he finally took my dad's advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piclemaniscool
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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Dad shared this one with the family right before my choir concert

It was towards the end of the semester and my parents had come to my university to see my choir concert as well as pick up some of the things from my dorm I didn't need any more. I went back to my dorm to get my bicycle and the replacement tire I was supposed to put on the bike but never got around to it. To make things easier, I put the tire around my neck and across my chest so I could wheel the bike to the campus center to meet up with my family and my boyfriend. As I'm walking up to them, my dad looks me up and down and says "Are you sure that's the proper atTIRE?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yartenic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.

-Also,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Never talk about the Greek system around my dad...

He will always chime in "When I was in college, the big fraternity on campus was 'I felt a thigh.'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Housman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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