Two books meet in a Library. One says ' You don't look too well ' and the other replies..

... Just had my Appendix removed.

πŸ‘︎ 617
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
Tried to schedule a date with my girlfriend at my local library

But it was all booked

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/actuaryvsp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

πŸ‘︎ 446
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What did the novels do when the library caught fire?

They booked it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
I stormed into the library today demanding to know why the book on high conflict personalities I'd ordered still wasn't in.

"It's not our fault" said the librarian,

"That's the one" I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles.

The lady said, "hardback?" I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Who decided to call it a Library

And not Paper View?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HereComesArya
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I was caught read handed in the Library.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuma_Paws_376
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
I went to the library looking for a book about Pavlov’s dog and SchrΓΆdinger’s cat

The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/colemacgrath2009
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
We were at the library when my mate asked "Hey, could I borrow your book mark?"

I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeepenTeepen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
I just tried to make reservations at the library...

I couldn’t get one though. They were fully booked

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B7dust11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a Library...

A Man Walked into a Library. He approached the front desk, rapped on the wood with his knuckles, and declared "MA'AM, I WOULD LIKE A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES." The receptionist was startled, and replied "sir, please.. this is a library!" The man gasped, looked around surprised, and replied in a very quiet whisper: "i'm so sorry. i would like a cheeseburger and fries."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I went to the library to find books about delivering babies...

The librarian told me they were in the C-section.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pidderz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library

Talk about having to suffer in silence

πŸ‘︎ 344
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the clock get kicked out of the library?

It tocked too much.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I couldn't get a reservation at the library

They were completely booked

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me what I do for hours at a time at the beauty school library. I replied ...

... eye brows.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0618033989
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to get a room at the library hotel

But everything was booked.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do libraries and small aquariums have in common?

Microfiche

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/walters89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I just got a new job at a prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL laughing out loud is prohibited at the Honolulu library.

A low "ha" is required.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tripsteur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I couldn't reserve a seat in library. Turns out they were...

completely booked.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kones_6999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A short story at the library

Dad: do you have any books on turtles? Librarian: hard backs? Dad: yeah with the little heads that go in and out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tortillabois
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sprinkler system malfunction at the library?

There wasn’t a dry β€œi” in the house

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaraMave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the library to get a book about soil

but they only have one copy, and it was already out on loam

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nsolarz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A man went into a library and asked, "Do you have any books on shelving?"

The librarian said, "Yes, all of them!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she had diarrhea while she was at the library

I told her she must have had a case of the "print runs!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TrevorMagichair
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Hanging in my school library
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bodhi_Snolbert
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Found in my library, might delete later
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlameExploision
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The library is the tallest building in town

I hear it has thousands of stories

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the Library of Fungus classify its collection?

The Mildewey Decimal System.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gddrtkkv
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this one in my photo library and I couldn't stop laughing
πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firefly127
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the library for a book about paranoia!

The librarian said "It's right behind you!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that robbed the library for every book they had? When questioned on how he did it he told authorities he basically talked the librarian into letting him. So i guess you could say he got a way with words.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjahands1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a wizard who terrorizes libraries by ripping pages out of books...

His evil knows no bounds

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Otherbrotherguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic...

"Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried to steal a book from a library...

...but they caught me mid-sentence

Edit: Wow 3 upvotes, the most I ever got!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BananaGooper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A Library-themed D&D session with the following set-ups: reddit.com/r/pun/comments…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dracon_Pyrothayan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Computer mice accumulated from library’s lost and found... (zoom in for pun)
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HawaiianSpam
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a reservation for a table at the library today...

Too bad they were completely booked

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZEPHYRight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman walks into a library and asks: "Do you have any books about paranoia?"

Librarian: "They're right behind you!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a lot of book smarts in the library...

...after a whole shelf of them fell on my head

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into the library to get a book about turtles the other day.

Librarian: "Hardback?" Me: "Yep, and small heads."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ARedTechz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Kim Jong-un's library so big ?

Because he is supreme reader

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I have a library of dad jokes stored on my flash-drive

16 giggle-bytes of them to be exact

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Italian alcoholic get from the library?

Sambuca

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitrammloh
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The police caught the library burglar

I hear they threw the book at him.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Sure, a library is the place to find a lot of books to read from

But it's the tallest buildings that have the most stories

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a table of snacks at the library

So I had to go check it out

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the library the tallest building in the world?

Because it’s full of tales!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaspar-the-pissed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the chicken say when it entered the library?

Book book book book book book book

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/conditackler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the library to get the new book about tiny penises

Librarian said 'I don't think it's in yet'

I said 'that's the one'

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkeye2604
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I really like where the library is going with their bookmobile

It's my favorite story ark

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
i tried to make reservations at the library,

but they we're completely booked.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrosthighs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Woman walks into a library and says have you any books about paranoia?

Librarian says their behind you.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/colepatrick1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I wasn't able to make reservations at the library. You see they're...

Completely booked.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/panic_monster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I just got a job at my local library working 50 hours a week

I guess you could say my schedule is going to be really

Booked.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ungespieltT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Tried making reservations at the library

But they're all booked up

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loWbAtTeRy67
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Two Canadian coffees are sitting in a library when one says to the other "You read a lattΓ©?"
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beastiality_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

they were fully booked.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klave7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I tried to reserve an appointment at the library.

But they were booked.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NINJAQKk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The roof ledge of the library is missing.

That building has knowledge!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dubante_Viro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn’t you play tennis in a library?

Because it makes quite a racket

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thespooksterman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the frog say after he hopped into the library?

Reddit...reddit...reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Username_000001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book β€œHow to Hug” from the library.

Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the library?

It's OK, they woke him up.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MALteesar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What’s the best food to eat at the library?

Sshhhhh....kabob

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartacats
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
So I went into a library to look for books on turtles..

Me: "Do you have books on turtles?"

Librarian leaves and comes back after a few minutes.

Librarian : "Hard back?"

Me:"Yeah,with a little head."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanglimara
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't I schedule an interview at the library?

They're all booked up.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My birthday was recently. I wanted to have my party at the library

but they were completely booked.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elroe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was "Robin Hood" pulled from the elementary school library?

Too much Saxon violence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenTree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Found in a local library break room.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Djental
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend: See that building? That’s our library. It has two stories.

Me: A library that size better have more than two books in it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soundguy1993
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
You can use your library card to take out money at an ATM...

... but you have to return it within two weeks.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lord_dumbello
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know the scariest place to go on Halloween is the library?

It's full of Booooooks!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amp93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it called a library?

Because if you were really supposed to believe everything you read, it would be called a truthbrary.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LastProtagonist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
A photon walks into a library

The librarian looks up and asks, "Can I interest you in some light reading?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are libraries so strict?

Because they have to go by the books.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a library and asks, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"

The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man whispers, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_powerglove
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
If you're thinking about working in a prison library, it's important to consider the prose and cons.
πŸ‘︎ 173
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rawlingstones
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2016
🚨︎ report
There was a kidnapping at the library...

I was standing in the lobby of the movie theater after Star Wars today and this old man walks up to me and says "Did you hear about the kidnapping at the library?" I said "What?" and he asked again if I heard about the kidnapping at the library. I said I hadn't heard about it and the old man said "They woke him up!" and just walked off. No grin. No laugh. No expression. Just walked off.

πŸ‘︎ 377
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pouponstoops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I was working in a library and this guy comes up to me and asks, β€œDo you have a bookmark?”

I said, β€œYes, we have hundreds, but my name’s Dave.”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
I traded in my dead batteries at the library today

free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tiger106700
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
🚨︎ report
A chicken walks into a library...

It walks up to the librarian and says "Bock!". The library gives it a book and the chicken takes it in its beak and walks out.

A minute later the chicken comes walking back in and says "Bock! Bock!". The librbrian gives it 2 books and the chicken takes them and walks out.

A few minutes after that the chicken comes back says "Bock! Bock! Bock!". The librarian gives the chicken 3 books but follows him out to see what's going on.

The chicken puts the books down in front of a frog who says "reddit reddit reddit"!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CYP_1A2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The Library
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOrangePear12
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I bought a dictionary from the library and realized someone had ripped out pages from the beginning.

They also ripped out pages from the the end. It just went from β€œbad” to β€œworse”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IsThisNameValid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Would a library that only had non-fiction books be a truthbrary?
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iNOTgoodATcomp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A chicken went to a library...

It walked up to the librarian and said "bok bok bok." The librarian gave them a book, and the chicken left. The chicken came back the next day, and once again said "bok bok bok." The librarian once again gave them a book, and the chicken left. On the third day, the chicken came back and once again said "bok bok bok." The librarian gave them a book and, curious about what it was doing with them, decided to follow it. He followed the chicken to a pond, where it gave the book to a frog. The frog took one look at it before throwing it away, and saying "Reddit."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darthmonks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the library burn down?

It contained LITerature.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they're shutting down the prison library?

Apparently the prose outweighed the cons.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/threeninjas
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I tried to reserve a spot at the library

But they said they were booked

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMasterMann
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I couldn't reserve a seat in library. Turns out they were...

completely booked.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kones_6999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got a new job at a prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonts26
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I wasn't able to make reservations at the library,

they're completely booked.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrosthighs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.