The power of Christ gives strength to this church's pun game.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/classickev
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Why did the two melons have a church wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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I don’t go to church much…

But I do drink religiously...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.

Thots and prayers

πŸ‘︎ 663
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgorbg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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Did you hear about the church musician who died suddenly?

Turns out it was organ failure.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoCat100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Church near my house
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyMayo1429
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ksrugi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinbad909
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Church Alter Ego

This youth pastor is usually very humble, but once he stands on pulpit, he gets proud.

I think it’s his Altar ego

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leonelritchie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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As a woman who worked for the church this past year, guess how much sex I had?

Nun!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miss_Aia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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A mathematician walks into a church to confess

He says to the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sined."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarvius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Why can’t skeletons play church music?

They don’t have any organs.

πŸ‘︎ 342
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormallyWierd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What do you call a bulletproof church?

Unholy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/and1015girls
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bail

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...

I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OranMilne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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What do you call an advertisement for the Catholic Church?

Mass Marketing.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McDudles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?

Because they could elope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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The seating columns at my church are going through a period of awkward changes...

***Pew***berty, in other words.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Why did the Japanese brewer take fermented rice to church ?

For Christ's sakΓ© !

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshawshank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into a church and asked the minister how much it would cost to rent a church singing group.

He asked, "do you mean a choir?"

I said, "OK, fine, then how much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Suck-At-R6Siege
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Painting a Church

A painter is desperate and bids low for a contract to paint the outside of a church. He figures he could still make a profit by adding water to the paint. He wins the contract.

He goes out one sunny day and after a long day's work, he finishes. Thunder cracks and the rain washes away the paint. A voice from the sky booms, "Repaint and thin no more!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Why can't skeletons play church music?

They don't have any organs.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...

It’s quite the CoNunDrum

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackJones2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Whst did the church mouse say to the other mice?

Have you accepted cheeses as your lord and saviour?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO

Massively Multiprayer Online

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wofguy3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Had a large keyboard instrument with pipes that I gave for free to my local church.

Always proud to be an organ donor.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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A former female church member partnered with me in my start up.

She's nun of my business.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeshs33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Why don't birds go to church?

Mostly because they shit everywhere...but also because of their their fowl language.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What does a werewolf say in church?

Howleluia!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bishop825
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend: ...my wife is uncomfortable with them because they’ve joined the church of Satan. Like, he showed me his membership card. They’re paid members, man.

Me: well; someone has to pay the devil’s dues

Friend: damn it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jubaliya
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call chores you do at a church?

Emmanuel labor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crysalis8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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What did the church mouse say to the other mice?

Have you accepted cheeses as your Lord and Savior?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelkane911
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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What do call a melon that has to get married in a church?

Cant-elope

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the vegetarian priest say at church?

Lettuce pray.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes to his church to ask the priest a question.

"How much does it cost to get a church-singing group?" the man asks.

The priest replies, "you mean, a choir?"

"Uh, okay, I didn't think that mattered. How much does it cost to acquire a church-singing group?"

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Why was it so hard to go to church in England after WWII?

They were Church-ill

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benfrank01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If you remove all musical instruments from a church

Is it disorganised?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roku-Hanmar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why have you never seen ants or bugs going to church?

Because they're insects.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_amazing_Jedi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in church the other day and the vicar was pointing his finger going "Pew, pew, pew". I asked him if he was pretending to fire a laser pistol or something...

He said "Nope, just counting the seats".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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When a man farts in church...

He sits in his own pew.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A church was hiring a new bell ringer

And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.

"I'll show you",said Stan.

They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.

"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"

"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.

All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.

"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.

Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."

"But his face sure rings a bell"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_pos-tmodern_man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your pew.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoochwalla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call Batman who skips church?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poptronic
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildwestsnoopy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostfromTexas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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