I hired a group of protestant religious sect members to haul my furniture to my new house...

They were movers and Shakers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Protestant hits tear gas back
πŸ‘︎ 372
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mohansadumbutt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?

... so they can beat the crowds!

Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Row199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about LEGO mini figures protesting?

Block Lives Matter!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewszabo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If the government banned cigarettes, I would shout slogans and protest

But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the lung capacity

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DearGrocery
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow there will be a protest about fairy bread

The police are expecting hundreds and thousands

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Gus3114
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Portland police are claiming protesters have blown up the courthouse toilets...

Apparently... They have nothing to go on at this time

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7PrawnStar7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Cops just arrested a protester throwing flowers...

they deemed it an act of Violets.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are there no ants in churches?

Because they are in sects.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Melonbeats
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to buy some fruit today but the store was mobbed with protesters.

I went bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
So there was a protest the other day. Someone told a joke, and nobody could stop laughing. It was a riot.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The police arrested two kids yesterday during a protest. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating firecrackers.

They charged one, and lit the other off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The #1 item pickpocketed during last months protests were mirrors

This doesn't reflect well on the protestors

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
In the early 1900's, a number of protests arose because of employment of children in coal mines.

I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poison_us
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.

In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother, the pro baseball pitcher, told me about the time he intentionally walked every player on the opposing team as a protest against unfairness in life...

That took a lot of balls.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
In protest of these lockdowns...

I wont be getting my hair cut until they're lifted!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Screamimgmonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the police drive to the protest early? /r/Jokes/comments/gvvudx/…
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickets
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
They are discussing bringing in fruit to use against the protesters!

Next wave of enforcement will be Apricops

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosBadger777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my friends recently told me he’s bored and looking for a fun new hobby. I suggested getting involved in political protesting.

It really is a riot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cashmag3001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Geese protesting?

Did you hear about the Geese protesting at the park? They want gluten free bread.

They organized a shit-in.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GravelWarlock
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A blind man was hit with sign at my local protest

He didn't see it coming

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaddleRoon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Many people protested the shutdown.

But soon, the resistance died out.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikePiezez
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk ?

Law and odor

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people in my town were protesting by transplanting the courthouse lawn...

It was a grassroots movement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cartergansweater
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what would be funny? A large group of people protesting, getting into fights with police and destroying property.

It would be a riot!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flumanchu
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
To all the protesters holding up the "I need a haircut" signs, we should all be yelling...

"Which one?!?!?!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clammyhammie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Beauty Products

A local news organization reported on a group of protesters outside a beauty supply store. When asked what they were protesting, one of the people replied, "For too long has this store peddled fake products! We demand they stop selling shampoo and start selling real poo."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.

You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dg_zano
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Dante was a big fan of PETA, but then decided to protest against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Protesters
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Violins
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/max_all_mighty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Nun: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Billy: A fireman!

Suzie: An accountant!

Jackie: A prostitute!

Nun: WHAT?

Jackie: A prostitute.

Nun: Praise the Lord! I thought you said protestant.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Dante was a big animal rights activist, but suddenly started protesting against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are left-handed protesting?

Because they have no rights.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Dante was a big PETA fan, but suddenly decided to protest against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Boy, with all these statues getting torn down...

... I guess you could say these protests are changing the landscape.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJPLH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do the riot police always arrive early to protests?

Because they like to beat the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplesofpie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why smokers are not shouting on roads protesting against the vape ban?

They don't have enough lung capacity

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danyk16
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I protested doctors sticking needles in my body

I’m pretty vein about it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PawnToG4
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
So, this is the end.

I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember when you could go to gas stations and put air in your tires for free? Now it’s $1.75! You know why?

Inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 252
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrefuge86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.

There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttsecks42069
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A bunch of grains got together to protest.

It was a real rye-ot.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thelionmermaid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are monks so good at protesting?

The more ohms, the greater the resistance.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BassWizard420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Lady Godiva rode nude though Coventry to protest taxes.

It's the naked truth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm impressed with how respectful teachers in Oklahoma are protesting.

You might say that they are doing it with... Class.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BabyEinstein2016
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
There was a man protesting the sale of tall ladders by climbing one over 15’ and acting like he slipped and fell, landing in a bush that was secretly a soft-landing pad.

It was a anti-climb antic.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I am against protesting

I just don't know how to show it

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
If my son became a priest.........

Would I call him "Father"?

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mightypaper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2017
🚨︎ report
A 7-year-old boy is sitting in court during his parents' custody battle.

He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.

During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."

The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"

The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"

With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.

"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.

The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD

to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.

The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.

Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend started reading something I’d vaguely heard before so...

I interrupted him and said β€œI already read it before”

He said, ” Do you mean, You’ve been on reddit before?”

I replied, β€œNo I mean I’ve read it before.”

My friend said, β€œ Dude with that grammar I doubt you’ve read anything before.”

I protested, β€œ Hey, I’ve read IT”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptSzat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My school abolished exams and some people were upset.

They were protesting.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did I do when my co-workers at the candy factory staged a strike to protest the commercialization of Easter Sunday?

I didn't make a Peep.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Bankrupt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A person who protests against gay rights is very...

straightforward.

Sorry, the door's locked.

Edit 1: 86 upvotes - by far the most I've ever had. Either this was just super clever or I need to post more.

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealClyde1
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Way too many protesters around.

Maybe we should invest in some amateur testers.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the BLM protest break into the bakery?

They heard they have a lot of WHITE POWdER

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neosanimum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a bunch of tentacled sea creatures protest the financial industry?

Octopi Wall Street

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Putin say to the Ukrainian protesters?

Crimea River.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/03909
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
All the world's timpani players are protesting against their working conditions

The strike will have enormous repercussions

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noradosmith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Anti-abstinence only sexual education protester
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Jay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
🚨︎ report
X-post from r/funny...dad protesting water prices (direct thread link to avoid karma farming)

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/4acp4c/when_dad_protests_water_prices/

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpknives
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
🚨︎ report
He must've done this 20+ times

I'll be sitting in the passenger seat. Perhaps on my phone. My dad will point out to the street and say 'Hey'. Naturally this gets my attention. I usually respond with 'What?' He wont answer. I'll look over and he'll be pointing at a Truck transporting a large number of bales of hay. I look at him. Smuggest look of satisfaction on his face.

Edit: I can't spell. I'm like a clam Edit 2:http://i.imgur.com/mTme2Jo.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_doodlebop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
🚨︎ report
I see these protest signs everywhere. I don't think they're working

Maybe they should change their message

My dad says this all the time. Still never gets old. We live in Illinois so this is like our state motto.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_starship
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
🚨︎ report
A guy got kicked out of the Al's society for cutting the grass.

Protesters surrounded the building shouting: "Re-member the Al who mowed!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanAsFarAsIKnow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend owns a mall (long)

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tende

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/st_pugsley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Today my wife finally made it to the dark side after years of groans

So I tend to tell bad dad jokes as a nerd and father they fit well and my wife has grown tired but today she got me.

My eldest is away on a trip and the dishwasher is normally his chore, backstory over..

My wife is sorting the dishwasher and on completion states that we will have to unload the dishwasher in the morning or this evening and then we can put a cleaner in it..... she may protest but I’m sure we can make her fit... she then continued to laugh at her own dad joke for some time..

Achievement unlocked..

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jrowlinson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
The girlfriend with a religious identity crisis declares "If that exists, I'm a Christian rebel".

"So you're a Protestant."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamer_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone that excels at exams?

A protester.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
🚨︎ report
[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Roadside Attraction

I laughed my ass off at this roadside protester. He camped out all night hoping to prevent the completion of certain roadways. Well, yesterday, the dumbass died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago, but the stupid guy didn't want a bypass.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sprtoad80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
My overly dramatic daughter this morning...

is hopping around on one foot and saying it's broken. It's not (as she was running around all day yesterday). She asks if we have crutches to which I reply, "No, but you can get around the house by wriggling across the carpet."

She's protesting, so I ask her, "Well, you DO like Harry Potter don't you?" She says, "Yes," failing to see what Harry Potter had to do with a tender ankle.

"Well," I explain "Just pretend you're at Hogwarts, but instead of being in Gryffindor you'll be in House Slytherin."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my Dad that I accidentally burnt a tea-towel while cooking

His response: Why? Was it an act of protest?

Me: What?

Him: Were you protesting against a Tea-Towelitarian government?

I've never been prouder to be his son

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinbaconjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
🚨︎ report
I made my first dad joke!

I made a dad joke the other day, probably not an original but I came up with it on the spot and I am proud enough that I felt the internet had to know!

Setting: a backpacker hostel in New Zealand. A couple are talking about a time when some farmers set sheep loose in the Louvre in France as a protest.

The set up: the girl says 'and a pony walked into a police station on its own once too'

To which I turned around and replied: 'I heard about that, he was trying to report a crime but couldn't get his point across because he was a little hoarse'

Which resulted in a blank stare from the French girl and uproarous laughter followed by a somber head shake from the Scottish guy.

Putting that one in the bank for when I have kids.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MortAng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend Dante was a big animal rights activist, but suddenly started protesting against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are monks so good at protesting?

Because the more ohms you have the greater the resistance.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pr3aChrZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.