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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyLeopard665
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
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Got a problem? Just ask Tommy....

Hilfigier it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
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What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie?

A melon-collie baby

-Calvin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GETNRDUNN
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
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In which zone would you find Calvin?

The Calzone

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeridanMonimo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I've always loved Calvin's dad.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dropping_fruits
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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Calvin's Dad [Calvin and Hobbes]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatFag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
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Calvin's dad: master level
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NineteenthJester
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2013
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I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,

so yeah I've had a strip tease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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Calvin and Hobbes was riddled with amazing dad jokes.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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I'm not sure if these count as jokes exactly, but Calvin's Dad was quite the troll(x-post from Calvin and Hobbes) imgur.com/a/GLDrD
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πŸ‘€︎ u/la-blakers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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I applied to be a model for Calvin's

I hope they don't deKlein.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonBran
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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John Calvin was never late. Not once in his life.

He always got there right when he was predestined to,

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairymcbeardface
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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Calvin's dad [x-post r/Calvinandhobbes]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckedAsBored
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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Calvin's Father is my role model

I totally believe in parenting similar to Calvin's father. As such, when my 6 year old son came to me and asked me why his index finger was shorter than his middle, I rationally explained to him that it had to be shorter because he'd poke his brain when he picked his nose.

It's been 3 weeks and he still believes me. :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidTigerFan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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Calvin, though not himself a dad, did have the best trainer. And it shows.
πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ekyris
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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dad jokes in Calvin and Hobbes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjguip1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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Hobbes was a great dad!

http://imgur.com/a/Uzqz6

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radio-active_man
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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He believed it for years!

As a kid I loved to get the sunday comics from the paper and read Calvin and Hobbes. I loved it so much my parents would get me the compilation books as gifts for birthdays and christmas. I always thought it was funny when Calvin would ask his dad how "x" works. One day my son when he was about 6 years old asked my why some TV shows were in black and white. Inspired by this calvin and hobbes comic where Calvin's dad explains why photos are black and white. http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ch/1993/ch930919.gif

I decided to do the same thing to my kid. I told him that the world was black and white back then and that things didn't start to become in color for decades later. I got a good chuckle out of it, but because he was so young, I didn't realize that he actually believed it. I soon forgot that I told him the world was black and white. When he was about 11 or 12, one day I got a call from my wife and she asked me, "Did you tell your son that the world used to be black and white?" I start laughing immediately and said yes! How did you know? She said because your son is writing an essay about how the world used to be black and white for school and he asked me what year the world became color. He believed that for like 6 years!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimillett
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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I was putting my son to bed when he suddenly blurted out that his teacher is an idiot who is β€œout to get him”.

Maybe home-schooling wasn’t the best idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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What does Thor wear underneath his pants?

Thunderware

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iluminolan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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Fell for it every family car trip...

Me: Dad where are we?

Dad: In the car.

πŸ‘︎ 357
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoMilkTheCowsBro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2013
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Scientists were excited to announce the successful cross-breeding of Lassie and a cantaloupe.

However, it was a melancholy baby.

(Credit to Calvin & Hobbes).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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What is a pronoun?

I was testing my daughter over dinner tonight..

What is an Adjective? I asked.

Daughter: it describes something.

What is a noun?

Daughter: A person, place, or thing.

What is a pronoun?

Daughter:.... I don't remember...

Me: "It's a person, place, or thing that does that for a living."

My wife actually laughed out loud at this one! first time she's ever laughed at a dad joke! Once I explained it my daughter just groaned in agony. I'm so proud... of myself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucky5150
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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The adventures of Max Dad, P.I.

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didn’t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxer’s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasn’t hiring me for my looks and I wasn’t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - that’s me. Private Investigator’s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and that’ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

β€œSo as I was saying, Mr Dad,” she began.

β€œPlease, call me Max”

β€œAlright, Max… well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?”

β€œNo that’s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,” I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, β€œI’m sure it’ll be a brief case.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyohnny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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When I was little I wanted to go to the Zoo once, but my dad said no. When I asked him to give me a good reason for not taking me to the zoo he said:

"It was hard enough to sneak you out of there in the first place."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cliquepop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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Every time I would ask my Dad what he got me for Christmas...

"Dad, what did you get me for Christmas?"

"Close your eyes and I'll show you"

Closes eyes

"Now what do you see?"

"Nothing, Dad."

"Exactly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sooperwalrus25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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I love this

This sub makes me so excited to be a father and troll my children.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dododoli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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I should make a comic strip about a child with a crippled imaginary friend

I would call it Calvin and Hobbles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenorSaltino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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the following exchange happened at my work

i work the service desk at a grocery store, and me and one of my coworkers will often make puns based on the items we return. i got 2 gallons of white milk and a half gallon of chocolate milk. the following exchange occurred.

him: i'm gonna go dump this milk.

me: that bad in the relationship, eh?

him: well yeah, look what kind of baby they made -points to chocolate milk-

me: in a relationship, you need certain emotions, i guess they just lactose emotions. -he dumps out the milk and returns-

him: hey, wanna see my jugs?

me: i had a friend named calvin who wanted to see mine. one day i finally just said, "hey cal, see em?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeleresVerraden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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Do nephew jokes count too? My brother has an (almost) 3 year old with a hilarious sense of humor.

He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”

”sure”

Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.

Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”

My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13EchoTango
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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I applied to be a model for Calvin's

I hope they don't deklein

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonBran
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,

so yeah I've had a strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
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