You could say I archive the ocean's news in...

current events for people to sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/razzlesnazzlepasz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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From the archives: back when people taped TV shows

My brother: "I thought you might get bored being at home, so I taped you some holiday soaps".

He handed me a santa- and pine-tree-shaped hand soap, taped together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/recursive
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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Where did Noah store his Bees?

In his Archives!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiritvsRobot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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What’s a historian’s favourite cooking ingredient?

Archives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ave416
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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sometimes i tell dad jokes.

he laughs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doppled
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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My girlfriend got me pretty good today.

I opened the cabinet to pull out the chocolate syrup when I noticed a chocolate fingerprint on the top. I jokingly asked her if she did that to mark it as hers since she had told me she might have to hide it to keep me from using it all. So, we go back and forth over whose fingerprint it is when she grabs it and takes it over to the dog. She holds it up and goes, "Eddie, look. Whose is that?" Of course, he's a dumb dog, so he just whines and wags his tail. She then comes back to me and says, "I sent the fingerprint to the Lab, results came back inconclusive." Cue long sigh.

Edit: Damn...

Edit 2: The Lab

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Really_Dont_Know
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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[Help] Looking for some good clean name puns!

I have a few examples of what I'm looking for. I like them, but I'm sure the power of Reddit can come up with some that are even better!

  • William (Bill) Ding

  • James (Jim) Nastics

  • Bart Ender

  • Ted Manwalkin

  • Gustavo (Gus) Undheit

As you can see, they don't even have to be straight up puns when said normally, but their common nicknames lend themselves into it. Anyone have any more good ones? Bad ones are appreciated too, lets all have a laugh!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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I had a splinter once

It eventually got out of hand

Source: "Oathbringer: the stromlight archive" by Brandon Sanderson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kolonolok
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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Dad joked my interviewer today.

So i went in for an interview at my local State college. It used to be a community college a few years ago. The job was for evaluating transcripts and archiving them. Anyway, I get offered the job, and of course a I accept. We were going over some procedural paperwork, I-9, W-4 you know that stuff.

He asks me my birthday, and I say June 24.

"What year?" "Every year."

He just stares at me with a bit of a disgruntled expression.

Yeah new boss, I'm going to be that guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smubii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.

-Also,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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