I'm currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.

It's an autobiography.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregsedwards
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I've just finished writing a book about using stairs...

It's a step by step guide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.

It was about time!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robconone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I red a book about colors...

it blue me away!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fdaas403
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
I asked a librarian if they had any books on 'Different noise levels'.

The librarian said "Sure!! What volume would you like?"

πŸ‘︎ 685
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
i began to read a horror book in braille.......

Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

πŸ‘︎ 29k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megad1rt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally found my sea joke book!

I thought I lobster, and never flounder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayNsilentBoom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book in Braille, but I lost my place.

I know it was somewhere on this page, but I just can’t put my finger on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProcesSherpa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
I’ve just started my new book: β€˜the history of glue’

I can’t put it down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crayonfingers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?

It caused a title wave!

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
My poker opponent said I was "like an open book".

"You think I'm bluffing?" I asked.

"No," she said. "You keep showing everyone your cards."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
I never thought The Bumper Book of Farming would be such a difficult bedtime read.

But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epona14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes...

It's only a draft at the moment.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Did read the book about the elevator?

It was a very uplifting story. (Courtesy of my 10 year old)

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theclashwasright
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a book at the spice store today.

It’s about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csteinbergrules
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Got this new book about zero gravity

I just can’t put it down

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."

"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A book just fell on my head

I only have my shelf to blame.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a book called "How to walk up stairs."

Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 ....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

(credit: Groucho Marx)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4-8Newday
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
At my book club, I wondered why they were throwing Stephen King novels around.

Then IT hit me!

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I think whoever made this book is a total quack
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSonsofAtreus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome.

It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Last month I launched a book aimed at children.

I’m pleased to say I hit one of them

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Just finished reading a book on Channel swimming.

It was written by Francis Near.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I started reading a book on anti-gravity

I can't seem to put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beltarius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I bought this book but had to return it for all the fowl language
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSonsofAtreus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the math book so sad?

It had a lot of problems

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuckleberry__Finn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œWhy don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”

I said, β€œThat’s.....a novel idea.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a book about premature ejaculation

It came early

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onebladeprop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard somebody died after reading a book

They were sentenced to death

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?

Because the prose outweigh the cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Yeah i like this book
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flipcoyote14774
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.

He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that writes books?

A thesaurus

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I wonder if they'll write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot

They should.

It'll be a real Page-turner!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhishekms89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read the absoute best book about Pearl Jam.

Seriously, I don't know they could have made it Eddie Vedder.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm writing a book about falling down stairs...

It's a step by step guide.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLASHsixx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book on the history of glue....

I can’t seem to put it down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m reading the book β€œAdhesives for Dummies.”

I just can’t put it down!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I bought this book called β€œThe History of Glue”.

I can’t seem to put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlamingNinja925
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
I wondered why my daughter was throwing all my Stephen King books around the room. And then…

…IT hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
At my book club, I wondered why they were throwing Stephen King novels around...

Then IT hit me!

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if they had any books on Noise Reduction Levels

She said "Sure, what volume ?"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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