Bookshelf Puns

How else am I going to keep my stories straight.

Police say he had only his shelf to blame.

Wife: "guess it's just past it's Shelf Life"

I was quickly filling the shelf with my books, when she said, "leave some room for your wife on the bookshelf!"

I turned to her with a quizzical look and asked, "are you going to fit on the bookshelf?"

"Looks like this one is well past it's shelf life." Groans were had by all.

A bookshelf.

... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.

Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."

Me: "Um... OK, sure."

Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"

Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."

Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."

Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"

Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."

ಠ_ಠ

Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.

My brother was moving out of the house. Our mom had a bookshelf she was trying to give away to him. She was telling him it’d be great to put movies on, or CD’s, or figurines, etc. She listed everything but books. So, when she was done my brother said “oh yeah? What about books?” and without thinking I said “that’s a novel idea”. He almost punched me in the face.