Cupboard Puns

We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

But we had naan

It worked. Can't see the notification any more.

I sing: "Under the Sink (Under the Sink)!" Even in a poor slightly Jamaican accent...

But hey, at least I’m now a boullionnaire

Should have seen her face when I drove pasta

The Ruler

A 6 year old opened her mothers cupboard, and was shocked to find an Anti Aging Cream, promising to make one look 10 Years Younger.
Intrigued, the 6 year old put some on... all of a sudden, she just vanished. Never seen again.

It was a counter attack.

It had low shelf-esteem.

Because you can't bang them.

We need to get to the shop, quickly! We're running out of thyme!

No whey!

..because I'm too shelf-conscious.

...would she chose the latter?

Everytime SO is cooking and I'm in the way, I answer with the same response: "I'm not sure you'll fit"

Me and my gf threw out a whole bunch of old packets of herbs until there's only one, unopened one left.

I look pointedly at then turn to her wearing my biggest shit-eating grin on and say, "Baby, we've got nothing but thyme..."

There's a pause as she absorbs what I said, sighs heavily and calls me a dick while I proceed to piss myself laughing.