Someone threw a jar of mayo at me!

What the Hellman?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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I've been swapping labels around on my wife's spice jars.

She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Mi me chiama JAR JAR BINGS...
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?

Lmayo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horses77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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It’s amazing how most jars look alike...

The resemblance is uncanny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.

It’s currently half empty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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What do you call a stolen jar?

A free mason.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/420BlazeIt187
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I dropped my jar of herbs. After I picked them all up, my cat knocked the jar over again

Picking them up yet again was such a waste of thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pusilli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...

It was jarring!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me today...

...I was like, "What the hell-man?"

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smdouglas2
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.

it's currently half empty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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What’s the difference between a Tuna fish, a piano and a jar of Glue

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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My son took his jar collection way too far

When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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My girlfriend has decided to repurpose our novelty cookie jar. Say hello to our Tea-Rex.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vowelHeavy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Just caught my kid eating mayonnaise out of the jar...

What the hellman?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomWaah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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What do you call a glass jar in a secret society?

A Freemason Jar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noxicosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Today I went up to my coworker with a sample jar in each hand

And I said hey check this out, jar jar clinks and I clinked them together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bipnoodooshup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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The other day I broke a jar and my friend asked why I did that

I replied, β€œyou wouldn’t understand, it’s jar gone.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/albrrrrr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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jar jar clinks
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttereds4ndwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Jar jar clinks
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πŸ‘€︎ u/datdudedenis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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A jar of peanut butter needed an oil change

It went to JIFfy Lube

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Instead of a swear jar I have a pessimism jar, every time I have a negative thought I put a coin in.

It’s currently half empty

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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I'm so proud of my son, for bringing bread and a jar of peanut butter to the truck show.

After all, this is MONSTER JAM!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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I gave my wife a jar of honesty

But she said it was a crock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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What do you call a folk musician, floating in a pickle jar?

Bob Dillin'

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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What happens when you put Jar Jar Binks in a Mason jar and slightly open it?

you get a Jar Jar in an Ajar Jar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsKanya
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...

It’s currently half empty...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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Why was the jar about to explode?

Cause it was jam-packed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I'm no good at opening jar lids.

I can never seem to pull it off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Airicz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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I relabelled the jars in our spice rack. I haven't gotten into trouble with my wife just yet...

... but the Thyme is Cumin!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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and drinks from a space jar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bengeljo2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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My son started to panic after he dropped a huge jar of pickles and got pickles everywhere.

β€œDon’t worry,” I told him. β€œEverything’s kosher.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Not a dad joke, but a wife joke. When is a jar not a jar?

When it's a door!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brain_nerd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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A door can be ajar, but a jar cannot be a door.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Tip jar at a local pizza place i.reddituploads.com/a81d6…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbenet31
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!

Cuz it's Sinko de Mayo!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gkfifer
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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Cookie jar has a lid.

Cause flies time when you're having fun.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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My wife has an extraordinary ability to cook persevered food from a jar.

Her cooking is uncanny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saffmj23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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Did you hear the new song created using only jars of preserves?

It's a slow jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinite_one
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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I've been swapping labels around on my wife's spice jars.

She may not know anything about it yet, but mark my words--the thyme is cumin.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Whats the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a jar of glue

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crispybacon62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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