I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
a friend of mine dared me to steal some kitchen supplies
but that just wasn't a whisk I was willing to take
Why is it so dangerous to rob a kitchen?
Because you're taking whisks.
I woke up this morning and my wife was crying after sweeping up dead ants in the kitchen for the 5th day in a row
I told her “it could be worse, at least it’s not uncles”
True story. Got me a genuine eye roll
What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen?
Today my wife caught me redhanded in the kitchen
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly
Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom
My family tell me not to steal kitchen utensils
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
I got caught stealing kitchen utensils
The fault after the earthquake was separating the kitchen from my man cave...
The earthquake caused a rift in my marriage.
Decided on a career change, from the kitchen to medicine. Didn’t last long though.
Turns out that thyme doesn’t heal all wounds.
I get a thrill from taking kitchen utensils
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
If you are an American in the kitchen, then what are you when you are in the bathroom?
My wife is always threatening to harm me if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils...
but that’s a wisk I’m willing to take.
I heard there was a fight in the kitchen and...
(For Star Trek dads) Locutus of Borg redid his kitchen floor. A bit of it didn't come up easily, though...
The resistance was a few tiles.
Roommate: If you keep stealing all my kitchen utensils than I'm moving out!
Me: That's a whisk I'm willing to take.
My wife was furious at me for kicking ice-cubes all over the kitchen...
But now it’s just water under the fridge...
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France.
Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
my wife warned me not to steal kitchen utensils..
but it’s a whisk in willing to take
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.
There was a knock at the door and when I opened it, there was a kitchen sink standing there. He said "You have everything but me."
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
Mum: (yells at dad) - Why is there a bloody tennis racquet on the kitchen table??
Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.
I was arrested for using cash that my friend gave me after I installed a new table top in his kitchen.
He gave me counter fit money.
I walked into the kitchen this morning and I saw my wife was cooking breakfast in her slippers again.
I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "
My friends shout at me when I steal their kitchen utensils.
But that's a whisk that I'm willing to take.
A cat that is naturally good at navigating kitchen surfaces is counter intuitive.
My wife tells me I should never steal kitchen utensils...
...but it's a whisk that I'm willing to take
I discovered there is a kitchen appliance that can grow marijuana really fast.
I may not be a dad, but what do I do everytime I go to the sink cupboard in the kitchen?
I sing: "Under the Sink (Under the Sink)!" Even in a poor slightly Jamaican accent...
Did you hear about the kitchen explosion in France?
It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
Meanwhile, in the kitchen
I've been thinking about manufacturing kitchen surfaces...
...but it seems counterproductive
At first my wife was upset at me for spilling some ice in the kitchen
But I explained to her that it was just water under the fridge now.
The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.
He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.
I like to spend holidays in the kitchen
What weapon do soldiers use in a kitchen?
My roommate said if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils she’s gonna move out...
That’s a whisk I’m willing to take!
Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
One of my kitchen gadgets is randomly playing classical music
I think it’s the Chopin board.
My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen, out…
Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.
What do you call an organized kitchen?
I have long shelf in my kitchen where i put the meat at the top. It’s safe to say...
In an alternate universe, there’s probably a sentient kitchen wash basin knocking at your front door. Let that sink in,
Where does the food go at the all male soup kitchen?
As I was sweeping the kitchen this morning I told my son not to forget his lunch
If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?
My daughter is going to be a great dad..I came up stairs into the kitchen like a zombie...
she turned to me holding a bag of rice....."Graaaiiinsss"
I installed the granite in the kitchen all by myself.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils
But it's a wisk I'm willing to take
I wanted to rearrange everything in our kitchen so we could locate everything without having to think about it.
But that might be too counter intuitive.
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
Wife yells from kitchen: Babe, we're almost out of trash bags...
I yelled back: Well why do you keep throwing them away?
I got a very stern look.
I’m looking forward to the new Hell’s Kitchen pasta episode
A real Al dente’s inferno
Did you hear about the French general who used a cannon to start his kitchen remodel?
It was linoleum blownapart
Here's the latest episode of a competitive pun gameshow that I host, 'Punnit'. Where 3 contestants deliver their best pre-written pun to categories such as Board Games & Kitchen Utensils, Pokemon & Takeaway Dishes + more. youtube.com/watch?v=sjQg5…
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils
But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
The man knew it was wrong to steal from a kitchen. But it was a whisk he was willing to take.
I bet my girlfriend that I could make a car out of anything from the kitchen cupboard
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
My wife gets upset at me for hiding kitchen utensils.
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
What does the chef of a Chinese New York restaurant say, when you barge into their kitchen?
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, “I heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, “Go on then.” First dog continues, “Knock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
A turkey walks into the kitchen...
“Don’t touch the blackberry cobbler in the kitchen!”
But that little man continued to make his little stupid berry shoes.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
I’ve recently designed a miniature IoT smart kitchen implement for straining vegetables. It’s a source of much discussion and argument between people in the culinary world.
You could say my creation is a little device-seive.
My dad asked me to turn on the water heater. To which I replied “It’s on”. Only to see my dad run across the kitchen yelling “It’s on okay bring it no holding back!”
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
What did the thief say when he was arrested for stealing from the kitchen?
It was a whisk he was willing to take.
I got arrested for stealing kitchen utensils...
I was too rough with my kitchen counter and it broke.
Say theres a bunch of flys in a kitchen, how do you tell which one is the cowboy?
I bet when Japanese chefs get stressed in the kitchen about not having enough pots and pans...
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
Put together a table in my room for the kitchen, now the table doesn’t fit through the door...one could say the tables have been turned
My wife gets mad when I steal her kitchen utensils...
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
If the kitchen is in the house and Diana is in the kitchen, what is in Diana?
My wife told me not to steal kitchen utensils...
But it was whisk I was willing to take.
My wife warned me to stop stealing kitchen utensils.
But it’s a whisk I was willing to take
Golden Shower Bath and Kitchen Co.
I just lost an ice cube in the kitchen.
But I'm not worried, its just water under the fridge.
I was told I could get in huge trouble for stealing kitchen supplies.
But that’s a wisk I’m willing to take
Dad: I’M GOING TO BUY A BROOM AND CLEAN THE KITCHEN FLOOR TODAY!!!
Dad: Oh wait. It’s Wednesday. Tonight I have to be at work until 9.
Dad: I really shouldn’t make sweeping declarations.
My roommates get mad when I steal kitchen utensils
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.