My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BackwardsMannn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 581
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen

I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 96
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.

Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.

I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnInfluentialFigure
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?

Ape-rons.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 67
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quick-Bad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.

All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HazyDayZ420
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Chris Ubank just advised me to shop lift some kitchen utensils

He said, if I wanted to make it big, I would have to take some whisks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea

I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/northernsou
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.

He's counter intuitive

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.

There's no place like home for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Laimbrane
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who can't stop stealing kitchen supplies?

A whisk taker

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EnglishAintBeTooGood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I get a thrill out of stealing kitchen utensils

I'm a whisk taker

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill

I got mixed results.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aabesh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...

Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop stealing her kitchen utensils or else.

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 109
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today

It was a whisk i was willing to take

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police

Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scorchedarcher
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I robbed a kitchen utensil store

I like to take whisks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 80
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Kitchen scale

My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.

Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"

I said "Because, we were weighing his options."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/machinehead-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
For the lobsters in the kitchen....

...the sinking of the Titanic was a 'miracle'.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?

Yeah, he pasta away.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MangoDangoLango
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.

Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bovinejabronie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 288
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My Brother used to Steal from Kitchen Supply Stores..

He was always the whisk-taker in the family.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm trying out this new kitchen set with no egg beater

The says it's a 30 day whisk free trial

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles

And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hawt_SPICY
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A kitchen sink that treats you right?

That's a Farrah Fawcett.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m Russian to the kitchen for a spoon πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.

I like to keep all my bases covered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Legitimate-Hair
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said

You’ve just been a-salted

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cordite96
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you pay for your kitchen remodel with fake bills...

You’re counterfeiting the counter fitter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is always threatening to harm me if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils...

but that’s a wisk I’m willing to take.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 803
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrStinkpinkyPhD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...

They just didn't give a fork...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
a friend of mine dared me to steal some kitchen supplies

but that just wasn't a whisk I was willing to take

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zayyded
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...

...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I robbed a kitchen utensils shop last night...

To make it big, you gotta take some whisks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw 10 ants in my kitchen this morning

... I guess I must be their landlord and they my tenants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aok76
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My family tell me not to steal kitchen utensils

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/X_Tbull
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.