My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BackwardsMannn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen

I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.

Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.

I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?

Ape-rons.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quick-Bad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.

All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HazyDayZ420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Chris Ubank just advised me to shop lift some kitchen utensils

He said, if I wanted to make it big, I would have to take some whisks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I robbed a kitchen utensils shop last night...

To make it big, you gotta take some whisks.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea

I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/northernsou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.

He's counter intuitive

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.

There's no place like home for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laimbrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who can't stop stealing kitchen supplies?

A whisk taker

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I get a thrill out of stealing kitchen utensils

I'm a whisk taker

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill

I got mixed results.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...

Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop stealing her kitchen utensils or else.

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today

It was a whisk i was willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police

Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorchedarcher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I robbed a kitchen utensil store

I like to take whisks

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Kitchen scale

My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.

Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"

I said "Because, we were weighing his options."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/machinehead-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
For the lobsters in the kitchen....

...the sinking of the Titanic was a 'miracle'.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?

Yeah, he pasta away.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoDangoLango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.

Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinejabronie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

πŸ‘︎ 288
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My Brother used to Steal from Kitchen Supply Stores..

He was always the whisk-taker in the family.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw 10 ants in my kitchen this morning

... I guess I must be their landlord and they my tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aok76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm trying out this new kitchen set with no egg beater

The says it's a 30 day whisk free trial

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles

And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawt_SPICY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A kitchen sink that treats you right?

That's a Farrah Fawcett.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m Russian to the kitchen for a spoon πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.

I like to keep all my bases covered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legitimate-Hair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said

You’ve just been a-salted

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cordite96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you pay for your kitchen remodel with fake bills...

You’re counterfeiting the counter fitter.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is always threatening to harm me if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils...

but that’s a wisk I’m willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 803
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrStinkpinkyPhD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...

They just didn't give a fork...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My family tell me not to steal kitchen utensils

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/X_Tbull
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
a friend of mine dared me to steal some kitchen supplies

but that just wasn't a whisk I was willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayyded
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...

...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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