My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it!
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen
I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.
I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.
All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...
Chris Ubank just advised me to shop lift some kitchen utensils
He said, if I wanted to make it big, I would have to take some whisks.
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....
Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea
I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing
You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.
There's no place like home for the hollandaise.
What do you call a person who can't stop stealing kitchen supplies?
I get a thrill out of stealing kitchen utensils
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C
If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens.
If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.
But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.
I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...
Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.
My wife told me to stop stealing her kitchen utensils or else.
But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today
It was a whisk i was willing to take
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police
Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation
I robbed a kitchen utensil store
My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.
Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"
I said "Because, we were weighing his options."
For the lobsters in the kitchen....
...the sinking of the Titanic was a 'miracle'.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
My Brother used to Steal from Kitchen Supply Stores..
He was always the whisk-taker in the family.
I'm trying out this new kitchen set with no egg beater
The says it's a 30 day whisk free trial
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles
And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
I’m Russian to the kitchen for a spoon 😂😂
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, “I heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, “Go on then.” First dog continues, “Knock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said
You’ve just been a-salted
If you pay for your kitchen remodel with fake bills...
You’re counterfeiting the counter fitter.
My wife is always threatening to harm me if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils...
but that’s a wisk I’m willing to take.
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
a friend of mine dared me to steal some kitchen supplies
but that just wasn't a whisk I was willing to take
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I robbed a kitchen utensils shop last night...
To make it big, you gotta take some whisks.
If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
I saw 10 ants in my kitchen this morning
... I guess I must be their landlord and they my tenants.
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
My family tell me not to steal kitchen utensils
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take