One cleans the grill, the other gleans the krill.
Because it doesn’t have any feet!
I said it doesn’t have Bluetooth.
It's hand wash only
I told her I would try flowers and candy.
How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.
Poor wife has a terrible headache.
So my dad brought her a glass of wine.
Another day, another Dawn.
Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher
(Edit: formatting)
Boy, do I miss her
Dishy-washy.
You take her to the hospital.
And came upon the tupperware and asked my son "Tupperware? Oh tupper here." as I put them in the cabinet.
They’re never in sink.
Let that sink in.
We had just finished cleaning up dinner and were watching a movie when I went into the kitchen to get dessert. The entire floor was covered in bubbles emerging from the dish washer.
I called to her and said it looked like Sud-etenland in here. She was unamused.
What did the doctor say to the kid that didn't want stitches?
Suture self.
I said it's both until you open it.
Me: Welp, should we run it?
Wife: We can, but I don't think the leash is big enough.
Got a huge laugh out of me.
"I blow in her ear"
I said this to my ex-father-in-law without thinking about it first.
I said "no it's not, it's German."
Person two: "I guess you could say the anti-stick went out of the frying pan, into the water."
So he give me this.
I replied "The old one was nagging me too much"
I noticed on one of the cups that there was some rice, so I said "Look, that's not very clean."
To which my dad replied, "Well, the rice is clean."
Not sure if links are allowed or not. This is a self post, so no karma.
http://i.imgur.com/N8G5QaI.jpg
This is actually from my father-in-law:
My wife and I have been living together without an actual dishwasher in the kitchen since we've been together, whenever I mention that we don't have a dishwasher at our apartment, he replies with, "Yeah you do,. you actually have two of them, you and my daughter!"
"You mean it never Dawned on him that he was drinking detergent?"
This evening I was packing up the dishwasher when my my mum told me to put a tablet in. So cue my dad who was standing just outside with his windows tablet so I went into the hall and picked it up and almost put it into the dishwasher when mum called me out on it.
I'm unpacking the dishwasher and bump into my dad with a mug and he goes
Dad: Help! ThatFeelBro Is trying to mug me!
