After telling my kids 3 times I finally said: β€œwhy isn’t the dishwasher running!?”

Because it doesn’t have any feet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/angry-gilmore
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I just found out you should never put sanitizer in the dishwasher.

It's hand wash only

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My wife said I need to repair the dishwasher.

I said it doesn’t have Bluetooth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"

..."No, Ken do"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadaddy-o
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.

I told her I would try flowers and candy.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.

How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I just returned from the store. I needed tablets for the dishwasher...

Poor wife has a terrible headache.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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My family was doing the dinner dishes together and our mum was washing the dishes in the sink. She asked β€œcould you guys load the dishwasher please?”

So my dad brought her a glass of wine.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mossata
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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My wife uses a whole bottle of dishwasher every time she washes the dishes at night.

Another day, another Dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Hey, check out my new Bosch dishwasher
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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Me: Is the dishwasher dirty?

Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher

(Edit: formatting)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_rogers
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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Times are tough... I had to sell my dishwasher

Boy, do I miss her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r00ski5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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What do you call an unreliable dishwasher?

Dishy-washy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marimbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You take her to the hospital.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitto_eater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Remember when loading the dishwasher meant getting the wife drunk?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I was putting away the dishes from out of the dishwasher

And came upon the tupperware and asked my son "Tupperware? Oh tupper here." as I put them in the cabinet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sepoohroth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
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Wow, talk about dishwasher safe!
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parallellmord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
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Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?

They’re never in sink.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArquielAeon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Bathtubs are basically big dishwashers.

Let that sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClebberBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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My girlfriend accidentally put dish soap in the dishwasher last night

We had just finished cleaning up dinner and were watching a movie when I went into the kitchen to get dessert. The entire floor was covered in bubbles emerging from the dish washer.

I called to her and said it looked like Sud-etenland in here. She was unamused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcfinley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
🚨︎ report
The dishwasher at work told me this one:

What did the doctor say to the kid that didn't want stitches?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
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My wife asked if the dishwasher was clean or dirty...

I said it's both until you open it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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I just finished loading the dishwasher.

Me: Welp, should we run it?

Wife: We can, but I don't think the leash is big enough.

Got a huge laugh out of me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
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How do you turn on the dishwasher?

"I blow in her ear"

I said this to my ex-father-in-law without thinking about it first.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DazBlintze
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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We have a Bosch dishwasher, my girlfriend just walked past and said "Hey, it's finished."

I said "no it's not, it's German."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainLenso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2017
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Person one: "Don't put the pots and pans in the dishwasher, it wrecks the anti-stick stuff. That's how I ruined that big pan."

Person two: "I guess you could say the anti-stick went out of the frying pan, into the water."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hahaijoinedreddit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2015
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Told my dad I wanted a dishwasher for Christmas

So he give me this.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesusTBF
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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Somebody asked why I got a new dishwasher.

I replied "The old one was nagging me too much"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chispatr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2015
🚨︎ report
I was just unloading the dishwasher next to my dad...

I noticed on one of the cups that there was some rice, so I said "Look, that's not very clean."

To which my dad replied, "Well, the rice is clean."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phingley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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I read the headline about that guy in Spain who died when he drank dishwasher detergent to my dad...

"You mean it never Dawned on him that he was drinking detergent?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArranMars
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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My dad out this above our sink when we were supposed to put our dishes in the dishwasher.

Not sure if links are allowed or not. This is a self post, so no karma.

http://i.imgur.com/N8G5QaI.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamsawesome10
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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Dishwasher

This is actually from my father-in-law:

My wife and I have been living together without an actual dishwasher in the kitchen since we've been together, whenever I mention that we don't have a dishwasher at our apartment, he replies with, "Yeah you do,. you actually have two of them, you and my daughter!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ralkkai
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
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Yes I will put a tablet in the dishwasher

This evening I was packing up the dishwasher when my my mum told me to put a tablet in. So cue my dad who was standing just outside with his windows tablet so I went into the hall and picked it up and almost put it into the dishwasher when mum called me out on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scoutgeek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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While unpacking the dishwasher

I'm unpacking the dishwasher and bump into my dad with a mug and he goes

Dad: Help! ThatFeelBro Is trying to mug me!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatFeelBro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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