My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it!
One for the intellectuals (and the kitchen-dwellers). Digital scales are so fragile.
I can tare them with one finger. I am SO sorry everyone have a great day.
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen
I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.
All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....
Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea
I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.
There's no place like home for the hollandaise.
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C
If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens.
If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.
But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.
I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...
Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today
It was a whisk i was willing to take
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police
Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation
Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?
For the lobsters in the kitchen....
...the sinking of the Titanic was a 'miracle'.
I’m Russian to the kitchen for a spoon 😂😂
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles
And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, “I heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, “Go on then.” First dog continues, “Knock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly
Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom
Today my wife caught me redhanded in the kitchen
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
If you are an American in the kitchen, then what are you when you are in the bathroom?
My wife was furious at me for kicking ice-cubes all over the kitchen...
But now it’s just water under the fridge...
Decided on a career change, from the kitchen to medicine. Didn’t last long though.
Turns out that thyme doesn’t heal all wounds.
I heard there was a fight in the kitchen and...
The fault after the earthquake was separating the kitchen from my man cave...
The earthquake caused a rift in my marriage.
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
Meanwhile, in the kitchen
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.
I walked into the kitchen this morning and I saw my wife was cooking breakfast in her slippers again.
I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
Mum: (yells at dad) - Why is there a bloody tennis racquet on the kitchen table??
Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.
I like to spend holidays in the kitchen
My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen, out…
Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.
Did you hear about the kitchen explosion in France?
It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
I may not be a dad, but what do I do everytime I go to the sink cupboard in the kitchen?
I sing: "Under the Sink (Under the Sink)!" Even in a poor slightly Jamaican accent...
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils
But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
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