My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BackwardsMannn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
One for the intellectuals (and the kitchen-dwellers). Digital scales are so fragile.

I can tare them with one finger. I am SO sorry everyone have a great day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Will_MMIV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

πŸ‘︎ 579
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen

I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.

Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?

Ape-rons.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quick-Bad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.

All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HazyDayZ420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea

I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/northernsou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.

There's no place like home for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laimbrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...

Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today

It was a whisk i was willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police

Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorchedarcher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?

Yeah, he pasta away.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoDangoLango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
For the lobsters in the kitchen....

...the sinking of the Titanic was a 'miracle'.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m Russian to the kitchen for a spoon πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles

And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawt_SPICY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...

They just didn't give a fork...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my wife caught me redhanded in the kitchen

I was peeling the beets

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenga03_03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you are an American in the kitchen, then what are you when you are in the bathroom?

You're a peein'

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valkyrie1500
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was furious at me for kicking ice-cubes all over the kitchen...

But now it’s just water under the fridge...

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water. /r/Jokes/comments/hzvbvc/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Decided on a career change, from the kitchen to medicine. Didn’t last long though.

Turns out that thyme doesn’t heal all wounds.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard there was a fight in the kitchen and...

a fish was battered!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarmoniousDroid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The fault after the earthquake was separating the kitchen from my man cave...

The earthquake caused a rift in my marriage.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."

"...put an β€˜s’ at the front and an β€˜e’ at the end!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Meanwhile, in the kitchen
πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.

Now he’s a chili dog.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superbrooke
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the kitchen this morning and I saw my wife was cooking breakfast in her slippers again.

I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezemity
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Mum: (yells at dad) - Why is there a bloody tennis racquet on the kitchen table??

Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I like to spend holidays in the kitchen

It is my sinktuary

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeicam_the_pirate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen, out…

Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.

πŸ‘︎ 462
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kitchen explosion in France?

It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I may not be a dad, but what do I do everytime I go to the sink cupboard in the kitchen?

I sing: "Under the Sink (Under the Sink)!" Even in a poor slightly Jamaican accent...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils

But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luckj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?

A hot plate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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