If you're Russian in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?

European

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen

I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."

Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.

Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?

Ape-rons.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quick-Bad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.

There's no place like home for the hollandaise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laimbrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...

Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today

It was a whisk i was willing to take

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmf95-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Did you hear about the Italian chef that slipped in the kitchen?

Yeah, he pasta away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoDangoLango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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For the lobsters in the kitchen....

...the sinking of the Titanic was a 'miracle'.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles

And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawt_SPICY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Today my wife caught me redhanded in the kitchen

I was peeling the beets

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenga03_03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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If you are an American in the kitchen, then what are you when you are in the bathroom?

You're a peein'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valkyrie1500
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I heard there was a fight in the kitchen and...

a fish was battered!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarmoniousDroid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Meanwhile, in the kitchen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.

Now he’s a chili dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superbrooke
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I walked into the kitchen this morning and I saw my wife was cooking breakfast in her slippers again.

I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezemity
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I like to spend holidays in the kitchen

It is my sinktuary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeicam_the_pirate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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My wife demanded that I take the spider that was in the kitchen, out…

Nice guy! We got a couple of beers. He wants to be a web developer someday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I may not be a dad, but what do I do everytime I go to the sink cupboard in the kitchen?

I sing: "Under the Sink (Under the Sink)!" Even in a poor slightly Jamaican accent...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Did you hear about the kitchen explosion in France?

It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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At first my wife was upset at me for spilling some ice in the kitchen

But I explained to her that it was just water under the fridge now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.

He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend β€œWhy I have to change my position every time?”

He replies β€œI know, this sub is full of reposts”

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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If you’re an American in the kitchen, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?

European!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I have long shelf in my kitchen where i put the meat at the top. It’s safe to say...

The steaks are high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?

He thought he was grater than everyone else.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterTmanYT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I installed the granite in the kitchen all by myself.

It was counterproductive

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Put together a table in my room for the kitchen, now the table doesn’t fit through the door...one could say the tables have been turned
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dharmabummin
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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β€œDon’t touch the blackberry cobbler in the kitchen!”

But that little man continued to make his little stupid berry shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeedbackUSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.

I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KasenPringle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I just lost an ice cube in the kitchen.

But I'm not worried, its just water under the fridge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooooohfajitas
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I’ve recently designed a miniature IoT smart kitchen implement for straining vegetables. It’s a source of much discussion and argument between people in the culinary world.

You could say my creation is a little device-seive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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I bet when Japanese chefs get stressed in the kitchen about not having enough pots and pans...

They just go for a wok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Say theres a bunch of flys in a kitchen, how do you tell which one is the cowboy?

Hes the one on the range

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleakorb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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I always keep an extra bag of tortilla chips in the kitchen.

You know. In queso emergency.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pfheonix
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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If the kitchen is in the house and Diana is in the kitchen, what is in Diana?

A state.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blinkie19
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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After he installs the new granite surfaces in your kitchen, does the Cabinet Maker hand you

a counter fit bill?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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If you're Russian in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, β€œI heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, β€œGo on then.” First dog continues, β€œKnock Kno..."

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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